I was 8 or 9 tagging along to my mom’s Diet Workshop classes. I was 9 or 10 when my dad commented on my “giant pulkies”—the Yiddush word referring to chunky thighs, supposedly a term of endearment said with “affection.” These are just two of the stand out memories of how I learned to view food and myself. Not very helpful, actually kinda hurtful. Thinking about which diet brownie bar I was going to pack for a snack or how my thighs looked in those cool, flare jeans wasn’t the healthiest headspace.
Now at 42, I consistently work on how I view food and how I view myself— undoing some of the programming all the while learning about a healthy, intuitive relationship with food, with myself.
Food can be nourishment, and it can be comfort, it can be tradition, and it can be social. Food can also be controlled, limited, excessive, and restrictive.
I can be helpful, fun-loving, productive, sexy, and rested. I can be anyone and anything I desire.
I can also be consumed by self-limited actions, behaviors and thoughts.
When I take a moment to intentionally honor a few things about my relationship with food, I’m currently grateful for food as social and fun, and I’m also grateful for food as a creative, learning experiment. For instance, this morning when making a shopping list, I opened Pinterest and looked for a tasty cast iron skillet recipe to make for dinner tonight since I have a spacious afternoon to tinker around the kitchen. P.S. it was this delectable french onion chicken recipe.
With that said, when I take a moment to intentionally recognize some issues about my relationship with food, I acknowledge I’m currently triggered by how some foods activate me in that I don’t trust myself around them. Currently, these are chips and candy; I’d be more specific, but I’m pretty non-discriminatory at the moment. So, I don’t always trust myself to eat intentionally and leisurely so I can mindfully enjoy. As a result, I’m looking to be more conscious about moderation and responsibility when savoring food.
I think about how consumption translates into other areas of my life. I consume too much social media. Ya feel me? I enjoy consuming music—currently Fleetwood Mac, Cat Stevens, and Pitbull. I like consuming books—just finished Colleen Hoover’s Verity and it was so good. I also finished Michelle Zauner’s Crying in H Mart, and it was too sad. There is so much more I consume in a day, but I’m slowly shifting to creating…especially an aligned way of eating mindfully and loving myself.
If something I wrote about food and body image resonated, you’d want to know that I’m teaming up with Registered Dietitian Diana Savani (@eatingwithadietician on Instagram) to bring you a very gentle and realistic view of how to relate to yourself and how to relate to food in a healthy, loving way.
