As I breathed I was brought back to a time when I felt completely unsupported, unwanted, unneeded, unworthy of anything good… and the flood gates opened.
Your shadows and traumas are not your fault, but they are your responsibility.
If you know me, you would know that I’m pretty open to trying any holistic, natural, or alternative wellness practice or therapy. I’ve enjoyed plenty of celery juices, I collect crystals, I started learning about tarot, and have been exploring how to deepen my intuition on a spiritual level.
So, when I heard Erin was offering breathwork sessions, I was all in. Breathwork is a way to access your fight or flight response and the past traumas you have associated with that response in order to process those emotions in a safe and healthy environment. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to address when I first scheduled my session, but I have my fair share of traumas, so knew any number of things could have been brought forth.
My breathwork session with @erin was exactly what I needed. It was the safe space my body and soul needed in order to process my past traumas and see clearly how they are connected to my current triggers.
For the past week or so (prior to my session) I have felt extremely stressed and triggered. I felt this constant need to cry, but was unable to bring my full emotion forward. There was clearly a block there.
Quickly after my session started I was sobbing. Transported to one of the most difficult times of my life. It brought to light how I am allowing my present situations to control me in much of the same ways I felt controlled or stifled as a child.
The work served as a reminder that I am not that sad, angry, scared, alone little girl anymore.
I have worth. And I can take care of that little girl — my inner child — by taking care of me.
I can comfort her by comforting myself.
I can bring her joy allowing myself to feel joy.
I was reminded that I am never alone. That I can ask for help and support when I need it. That I am protected and safe and can call upon the angels and my soul team at any moment.
The thing about triggers is that they can sneak up on you in unexpected ways. In ways you would never even link back to your original trauma. Which makes this work that much more important. We all have our own shadows, traumas, demons — whatever you want to call them — and unless you face them head on and truly process them in order to cut the cords, you can never move on.
They quite literally hold you back.
At the very end of my breathwork session, I felt an energy approach, which eventually appeared as a crab. Afterwards I looked up the spiritual meaning of the crab totem —
“A sign of protection. The crab symbolizes emotions, trust, and the cyclical nature of life. At some point in a crab’s life, it dumps one shell in exchange for another, symbolizing a point of rebirth in their life cycle. By dumping excess emotional baggage, we take an active role in achieving our own happiness.”
Damn.
