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Learning the Dance of Destiny

I believe that destiny is a combination— a delicate dance, if you will— of fate and free will.
A year or so ago, a client and I were discussing the concept of fate and free will, and the notion that we are meant to co-create our life with Spirit.

A metaphor came to mind, as they often do. If you know me, then you know I love a good metaphor.

“Think of google maps,” I said. “When you put in a location of where you want to go, it often offers you multiple routes to choose from. One with tolls, one with a scenic view, one with the fastest time. It gives you a choice of how you want to proceed.”

Maybe you decide you want to enjoy the trip, so you pick the scenic byway. You leave early so you have enough time. You start off enjoying the road, the views, the animals on the cliffs, and the slow pace up the winding hills. However, when you get three hours in, you realize you misread a sign a couple miles back, and the road ahead is closed (google maps hasn’t updated yet). In order to get to your destination, you’ll have to turn around, retrace your steps back to the main road and reroute. The new route, while it delays your trip and you’re not able to make the dinner reservation at the spot you have been waiting months for, takes you past the most incredible waterfall. “Not what I was expecting,” you think, “but this is so beautiful. I would have missed this if I hadn’t missed that sign.” It’s so off the beaten path that it feels like a piece of paradise, carved out just for you. It’s now dinner time and you’re starving.You pull over at the next restaurant you find, and sit down to eat at the bar next to a man in a blue cap that ends up being your future husband.

Or maybe you choose the fast route because you got stuck at the grocery store and lost of track of time, and you need to get there in time to make the dinner reservation. Driving down the highway, listening to the best music, you think, “Wow. I am having the time of my life.” Suddenly, sirens go off behind you. You look down to check the speedometer to make sure you’re going the speed limit. You are. Frustrated and upset as you pull off the road, you don’t see the nail that pops your tire. You might have made it on time before, but you are definitely going to miss your reservation now. The highway patrol begins to walk towards your car as you’re rolling down your window, wondering what could possibly go wrong next. “Did you know that your tail light is out, miss?” Your forehead hits the steering wheel, and you think, “just my luck.” Then, he notices that your tire is starting to deflate, and offers you a sympathetic smile. Tears running down your face, he lets you off with a warning. “I’ll call the tow truck, too,” he offers, letting you know that you should have the mechanic in the next town fix it along with your tires. After the tow truck arrives about an hour or so later, it takes you to the local repair shop. Inside you notice there’s someone else who has also had car troubles, a man in a blue cap who you bond with in mutual exasperation. After chatting for awhile he asks, “Any change you want to grab dinner near by?” He seems kind and friendly, and you feel drawn to him despite feeling like an utter mess. “Sure,” you think, “might as well.” It turns out this is the man you end up marrying.

Part of you wonders, “Hmmm, what would have happened if I took a different route?””
The truth is, whatever route we choose in life, there are going to be unexpected blessings, and unfortunate, inconvenient, and sometimes heartbreaking accidents.
There are certain, fated experiences that each of us must move through on a soul level. The detour. Meeting your future partner.

Fate is what happens in our life.
Free-will is the intentions we set and how we respond.
Destiny is the divine-unfolding of life, thus, a combination of the two. We don’t get a choice in the cards that we’re dealt but we do get to choose the way we meet them.

an asphalt road in the desert
The journey is our choice

I like to think that we each have a series of checkpoints our soul must move through our path of self-discovery, personal freedom, and growth. There are certain experiences in our lives that are fated.

We may believe that choosing differently may change the outcome, but in the end we will always end up where we are meant to be. Choosing a different route does not mean we can always control what is meant to happen.

We do, however, have the opportunity to decide how we want to navigate through it all. I believe our greatest tool to do so with confidence and ease is our intuition, the gentle and calm inner knowing that lives in our heart and our gut. 

Maybe, instead of missing a sign, getting pulled over, or getting a flat tire, we notice a gentle pulse in our being saying “take a different route” when we pass a sign for a beautiful waterfall and a small, quaint town with the best local burger (the restaurant we were always meant to end up).

woman looking at sunset

Through trial and error, I have learned that the more we take time and create space to listen to our intuition, the stronger and clearer our intuition is and the more we trust it.

When doubt creeps in, I remind myself that I can’t make a wrong choice, what is meant for me will always find me, and I get to define my perspective of life and how I relate to it.

There’s a very human part of me that will likely always experience some type of apprehension and fear when it comes to life, and the unknowns that stretch out before me.

I have been through enough car crashes, driven along enough sketchy mountain roads, and had the rug ripped out from under me enough times, to never want to experience them again. For a long time, I figured there had to be a better way to navigate life, one where I could avoid more terrifying and life-altering experiences. 

I tried to calculate, assess, and avoid to no avail. My worry, anguish, and stress, while understandable, did not change anything. They only increased the feeling that I was failing and participating in my own tragedy. I thought I was choosing wrong. I believed I was to blame.

I was not.

Our most important tools

We are not responsible or at fault for the awful, heartwrenching, tragic, and traumatic things that happen. While in the moment we might crave an answer, a reason, or even sink into blame, regret and what if, there is nothing we could have done to avoid fate. In these places, it is so important to sit with and to take care of ourselves in whatever way we need. This is our choice. This is our free-will and this is where we reclaim our power and agency.

We are not and were never the designer of misfortune in our lives. 

So now, I hold space for the human emotions that arise when fate crosses my path with support of tools that remind me of my free-will, that allow me to dance with fate and participate in creating my destiny.

I collect tools to help me do so including Reiki, movement, tarot, therapy, friends, meditation, affirmations, and journaling. However my favorite by far is my intuition and all of the other tools lead me back to it. 

Our intuition as is our greatest asset. It allows us to know what we really want to choose. It is the voice of the soul self. So, when we encounter new and unfamiliar terrain, we know how we want to navigate it.

When I ignore my intuition and mistrust, I move through my checkpoints feeling completely out of control. So utterly helpless. It just made the experiences worse. I felt like I was constantly playing catch up and trying to avoid whatever unfortunate event showed up on my path next. I missed the flowers. I missed the sunsets. I missed the unexpected, hidden waterfalls. I didn’t even go out in search of them as I do now.

I had forgotten my free-will. I did not know I could listen or connect to what felt safe, right, and best, and then intuitively choose. I had decided that I could not be trusted. It turns out, that was one of the most important checkpoints I have ever moved through. It brought me here.

From it, I learned that my life is both in my control and it is not. I learned and continue to learn that when I invest in loving and trusting myself, I feel better and happier.

I discovered my ability to relate, connect, love, and shift my perspective of life to one that constantly takes me into a deeper relationship with myself no matter how much I might really hate the experience at the time.

And they say that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

The times I hated it (and still hate it), the times that my ego screams at the growth, frustrated, pissed, angry, raging, indignent, and throwing a full on temper tantrum, I was transformed into who I am today. 

I fought and surrendered for her.

I love her.

The more I trust her, the more confident I am in my ability to face these fated moments head on, knowing that they will be moments of personal growth and expansion.

Each day, I am given a new road map. I listen to myself and my intuition and I choose what I want to do. Where do I want to go? Do I really need to go there? If the answer is yes, which route should I take?

I cultivate and pursue deep and radical honesty. Underneath, I find a soul-freeing transparency of what I really need so that I can trust my yes, my no, and my wait.

I listen. I rest. I do. I move. I pause. I keep going.

(Remember: every one of those words is an active verb, something we choose to do).

rainbow on cloudless sly in nature
Finding your Destiny

Each person’s road map is going to be different. Each person’s roadblocks and reroutes are going to be different. Each person’s choices are going to be different.

We always get to define our experience of fate. We get to choose to consciously relate to it or skate by it and wake up realizing we’ve missed the beauty and the rawness of life all in the hopes of avoiding discomfort and pain.

We get to actively engage in our lives and dance with it. The more we do, the more free we will feel. The more we will realize we are crafting our own destiny.

Destiny = fate + free-will.

I believe life is about finding the freedom in the balance of what we can control and what we cannot.

We have the opportunity to craft a deep and unbreakable relationship with ourselves and our souls so that we know we are constantly making the next best, most authentic, intuitive, soulful and honest choices. So that we trust that life is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to even when it does not feel like it. So that we always have our own back.

“Spirit, grant me the serenity to change what I cannot accept, accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

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  • Ashley Jones
  • Aug, 08, 2023

How to Anoint Your Tarot Deck

Video Transcript:

Learn how to anoint your tarot deck!

You’ll want to anoint your decks to create a stronger connection with them. This is not something that I’ve always done in my practice, but my guides encouraged it recently and it has completely changed the game within my divination and tarot practice.

My friend has tried this ritual and it has changed how she works and connects with her decks as well. In her words, one deck of hers in particular was kind of a bitch to her (energetically) before she anointed it, and after she anointed it, it completely changed the trajectory of how she worked with that particular deck. It changed the personality, it changed the connection, it changed the answers in a way that felt resonative to her.

Start your ritual with cleansing your deck—removing any unwanted energies. For this example, I am using the Pagan Otherworlds tarot deck. I am smoke cleansing with white copal on a charcoal disk.

You’ll need an oil of your choosing.

Things to Consider for Your Anointing Oil

  • Should be personal to you

  • Could be a perfume

  • You can buy it at a store

  • Red Tiger Balm*

If you choose to make your own oil, use an oil base of your choice, and mix with whatever herbs you want! You can use herbs that are magically associated with divination, herbs you just like in general, or even herbs associated with your spirit team or guide/deity of your choosing. Here is a recipe to make your own divination oil.

The term or action of anointing means:

To smear, rub, or apply a substance, like oil, in a ritual for divine purposes and/or connection. It’s an act to declare that this item is sacred and connected to the person using it and/or the divine.

Anoint your deck to connect it to yourself, so you can receive better, easier answers that you can understand and have a deeper connection with the deck.

How to Anoint Your Tarot Deck

  1. Cleanse your tarot deck; you can use smoke, sound, or any other cleansing modality of your choosing

  2. Apply a drop of your anointing oil to the palm of your hands, rubbing between your palms

  3. Rub all four edges of your deck into your palms, where the oil is located

  4. Take a deep breath to ground you energy and center yourself

  5. Recite your anointing ritual script (see below)

Script for Anointing Your Tarot Deck

“I anoint this tarot deck with this oil that is personal to me. Tarot deck, I ask that when I work you, you connect to my energy, the energy of my guides, and the Divine. May the answers you provide be clear and easy to understand. May the cards pull quickly and resonate quickly to the questions presented. I thank you for your service. You are now connected to my energy through this sacred anointing ritual.”

That’s it! Your deck is now anointed!

If you try this anointing ritual, please let me know if you notice a difference before and after your ritual—I’d love to hear! And let me know what oil you use, what herb blends you use!

 

*Red Tiger Balm is usually used for sore muscles and can be found at your local drugstore. The main active ingredient helps connect with divine energies/high consciousness.

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  • Alyssa McDowell
  • Nov, 20, 2022

Are You Disassociating?

Video Transcript 

How to Tell and Shift Your Response

How would you know if you were disassociating or if you were in a place of security through tough times?

The act of dissociation and escaping can look like:

Procrastination
Running away from the problems at hand
Leaning into drugs or alcohol, or any other addictive habits that alter your state of being
Filling your schedule with tasks in order to make yourself busy
Moving your mind away from the things that actually need to be done and hyper-fixating or focusing on things that make you feel like you might have some control
Just ignoring what’s really going on

On the other hand, living in a secure place—a place of processing and self-regulation—is knowing what needs to be done and being able to take the action needed, while also knowing and understanding that you have feelings and emotions that need to be heard and processed. Think of it this way: when you’re in a secure place, you take everything in digestible pieces. This helps you move through each facet with a sense of certainty. Being able to slowly compartmentalize one task at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed by the big picture or everything that might be going on in your life. 

Underneath dissociation is typically a fear or a sadness. For some, it can feel unsettling and restless, while to others it can feel hollow and numb. This is due to the fact that we are human beings and we all handle things in very different ways. The construct of being human is such a spectrum of emotions and feelings, that sadness to one person may feel different to another. Just like escaping for one person could be alcoholism or addictions that alter the mind, whereas addictions and escapism for someone else could look like shopping or obsessive gaming.

What it Means to Act from a Secure Place

On the other hand, the feeling of being secure even through darkness, is anchored in clear introspections. You’ll know you’re in a secure place when you can organize your thoughts and manage your hardships in a way that is honoring where you are, your environment, and staying grounded in what you know to be true. And also grounded in the uncertainty of the fact that you may not know what is going on, the confusion around all of it. It’s also a place where you can allow yourself to feel the challenging emotions that want to be validated. This can look very different for different people. One of the most common ways is when you’re dissociating, you may not be able to feel things. You may not be able to really access your feelings, because it can be a lot. Right? However, when you’re in a secure place, you can still choose to recognize that these feelings, these emotions you’re feeling, need to be regulated at a different time and place. For instance, let’s say you get into a car accident. You need to make sure that you’re safe, you’re okay. You’re parked at the side of the road. You process everything in tandem. Someone who is in a really secure place, at that moment, will be able to do everything that they need to do. And then as soon as they get home or as soon as they have the mental capacity to process what happened, they’ll let all of their emotions and feelings out to be recognized and be validated. It doesn’t mean they ignored them (their feelings), it just means that they recognized there were things that needed to get done right now, and they can’t break down because they have safety-checks and processes that need to be attended to before they can really settle in and process everything that’s happened emotionally.

Your Emotions and Levels of Security Will Flow

All that being said, when things are really heard—like really hard—these feelings that we hold within our bodies begin to move in waves. Meaning that no one is in a secure place all the time. That same person who may have been able to be really secure during that car accident, may be completely unregulated and unable to feel secure a few days later when they are triggered by something else. It’s a spectrum of how you move towards and away from our security and into dysregulation. And some people spend more time on one side of the scale than the other, but regardless, we are human so it’s a very fluid process for everyone of having things come up allow coping mechanisms to come forward to protect us.

The point is, if you are escaping from the world around you…there are these parts, these aspects of the self, that do this to protect you from harm—whether it be emotional, physical, irrational or rational. It’s a coping mechanism meant to keep you safe. Our minds do this all the time unconsciously. Some of the protection mechanisms are productive while others are dysfunctional. The purpose of escaping is to remove ourselves mentally from stressful situations in fear of an outcome or experience. So if you’re someone that struggles with escaping through things like shopping, cleaning, or playing video games just remember to notice. Pay attention to your body. Pay attention to your coping mechanisms and ask why. Why do I want to be somewhere else right now? Why doesn’t it feel safe to be in my body right now? What am I running from?

These questions will open up the door to self-exploration as you uncover truths about yourself that you may have never known existed. Dissociating and escaping is not something that is bad or wrong. It’s something we do to protect ourselves, and it’s rooted in trauma.

So if you’re someone who wants to learn more about your coping mechanisms or learn more about how to understand how you process things—or just be more aware of your emotions and your states of being internally, go to my website at mysticrosemedicine.com to learn more about my offerings.

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  • Emily Rose Wheeler
  • Nov, 15, 2022

Make Your Own Divination Oil

Are you looking to enhance your connection to yourself and spirit while doing divination activities? Make your own divination oil to use while divining! You can add a drop or two of this divination oil to your hands and third eye before dropping into meditation or using your tarot deck, pendulum, or other divination device.

This divination oil recipe was made with ingredients that have properties to help you connect to your inner wisdom, your higher self, and your psychic abilities. You can use whatever ratio you want, really (witchcraft can be flexible in that way), but it doesn’t require a large amount of dry ingredients—depending on how large your jar is, of course. I typically recommend selecting the jar you want to contain the oil in first. Here are some options: 2mL amber glass vials, 10mL amber glass bottles.

Clear Divining Oil Recipe

Ingredients

  • Organic jojoba oil

  • Almond, flour or 1 crushed almond

  • Bay leaf, dried

  • Dandelion, dried

  • Hibiscus, dried

  • Lilac, dried

  • 1–2 drops of jasmine essential oil (optional)

Directions

  1. Start with cleansing all your ingredients in your preferred method. Example: I like to cleanse my dry ingredients, oil, and jar/container in incense smoke.

  2. Note that your herb to oil ratio should be about 1:4. Put another way, your jar should be about 25% filled with the herb ingredients and then filled to the top with oil.

  3. Combine your dry ingredients with a mortar and pestle, while concentrating on activating the ingredients with the powers they naturally hold. I typically will speak aloud why I am adding each individual ingredient (see below). For example, I’ll say aloud, “Almond, I add you to this divination oil to connect me to and increase my own wisdom.” And continue in the same manner with the rest of the ingredients.

  4. Add the dry ingredients to the jar, until it’s about 25% full.

  5. If you want the oil to hold a fragrance, you can add 1–2 drops of jasmine essential oil to your mix (note: look for essential oil, not fragrance oil).

  6. Fill your jar to the top with jojoba oil, being careful to not overfill if you need to leave room for a dropper.

  7. Let the oil sit for 3 days in a dark space so the herbs can steep before using.

Why You Want to Use These Ingredients for a Divination Oil

I’ve suggested these ingredients for a divination oil specifically for their magickal properties.

Almond = wisdom

Bay leaf = psychic abilities, divination, and wisdom

Dandelion = psychic abilities, intuition, spiritual and emotional cleanser

Hibiscus – divination

Lilac = psychic abilities

Jasmine = divination and prophecy

 

Now that you’ve made your Clear Divining Oil, you can Anoint Your Tarot Deck—an additional practice to get clearer answers while divining!

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  • Alyssa McDowell
  • Oct, 20, 2022

How to Find the Root-Cause of an Emotion and Rewire It

We’ve all been there. The feeling of overwhelm; maybe it’s anxiety, frustration, or general unease. Everything above the surface seems to be the cause, but more often than not, there is a baseline core wound activating this “random” blast of emotion that is vigorously affecting your ability to reason and disrupting your nervous system, causing you to be completely dysregulated. 

Now, you may be thinking, “What if I just get frustrated at traffic” or “dealing with tech stresses me out”; and I’m here to tell you, yes, these too have core beliefs and wounds around them that activate you; otherwise, you wouldn’t get overwhelmed. Want some examples? Okay, we’ll get into it, but I want to preface that I will speak to sub-personalities and parts in this article. If you haven’t heard of these terms, don’t worry, I got you. I wrote an article on the topic last month; to view it, you can click here. Just know that it will help you make sense of the terminology if you have non-clue what I’m talking about.

Judgment Wound

Okay! To start off with an example, let’s go with the traffic one first. This person, let’s call them Teddy, is obviously upset. They are yelling, honking, or cussing, or maybe all three at the people around them. They are showing judgment (belief), and now they are all wound up and irritated (a consequence of that belief), which can stem from several different places. Maybe they grew up in a household where the adults around them exhibited judgmental behavior (this would be your wounded child), or perhaps it was shadow. They judge themselves so harshly and have rejected that part of themselves that they then project that judgment onto others. Still, the root cause of judgment is low self-worth. Whether judging someone else (putting someone down to make yourself feel better) or judging yourself (showing your subconscious you are lacking in some way), both come from a place of lack. The goal is to feel your emotion, notice where the wounding is coming from (which sub-personality/part of you), follow that to the belief that created it, and then discover the root cause of that belief. Let’s look at another example that’s a little bit different.

Imposter Syndrome

Say you are dealing with imposter syndrome in your career and are struggling to show up for yourself. What is the core belief here? Is it that you aren’t good enough? Is it that you feel unsafe taking up space? Is it that you feel powerless? The next part of this thread is discovering what part of you has this wounding. Is it your inner child? Is it your inner critic? For the sake of this example, let’s say it is your inner child. Now, what is the outcome of this belief? Maybe you don’t ask for a raise when you should, or perhaps you let other people walk all over you because you believe they know something that you don’t, or better yet, that they HAVE something within them that you do not. Following this back, you can discover when this belief originated. Process who you grew up around; was this behavior modeled to you? Or did you pick it up as a coping mechanism?

Resolution

The threading process starts with an emotion and, with practice, leads you to the foundation of why you feel this way. Yes, some things are just stressful, but more often than not, they are stressful because of our beliefs around them. Once you understand this core belief, you can go back in time to the memory/memories that implanted this belief in your mind (this is best done in trance with a hypnotherapist). The idea has made you feel like an imposter in your career. It’s in this place that you reframe the narrative by either standing in your power and changing the memory in a way that you stand up for yourself and speak up for your needs or, reparenting your younger self from the wisdom of your secure adult, or maybe you bring in a safe person to help soothe them and give them everything they needed, or perhaps you put yourself in the shoes of the person who hurt you. This can help you understand their own limiting beliefs and realize that you are not singled out in their handouts of pain. It wasn’t personal, and you no longer need to hold onto it. Each person’s healing journey is different, and each person will need a unique formula to process these emotions and limiting beliefs, but how you get to the core wound is always the same; without fail, you will find the root cause of the issues.

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  • Emily Rose Wheeler
  • Oct, 20, 2022

Tests From the Universe

If ‘tests from the universe’ is a foreign concept to you, you’re in luck because we are about to dive deep into what tests look like and how they show up just when you feel like you can’t take them anymore. 

The first time I realized I was being tested by the universe, I was 21. I had failed every test that came my way, from shitty partners to being manipulated by a best friend, choosing to go to a college based on a high school boyfriend, and then dropping out of college by leaving for spring break and not going back. I was sleeping on my best friend’s couch and living day by day, trying to emotionally survive the toxic life I had set up for myself. It was this rock bottom that made me realize all of the tests that had been given to me, and one by one…I failed them, bringing me deeper and deeper into my dysfunctional behavior and unwavering anxiety. 

But one day, I noticed as an opportunity came through, I realized the pattern and how I had reacted in the past to a similar situation…playing small…and choosing not to see the red flags. This was when I did something different…I said no to dating douchebags and women full of toxic masculinity… I moved back in with my parents and fessed up to my immature actions…got two jobs working as a barista during the day, and a cocktail waitress at night. Within a year, I moved into my own place and began unraveling the woundedness within me and the shadow I had rejected. Eight years later, I am still learning, growing, and untying the generational knots and societal burden. During that period, I began to notice the patterns in my life, the rock bottoms, the glorious highs, and the opportunities that took me from one end of the pendulum to the other.

Opportunities are Test

Let’s look at a few examples ranging from relationships to career to finances; hopefully, you will understand what I am speaking about.

Relationships

Okay, starting with relationships, imagine a woman; let’s call her Ginny. Ginny has been in terrible relationships her entire life. Moving from one loser to another, all her partners are judgmental, shallow, and have a tendency to get really angry when they drink. Now imagine Ginny breaking up with her partner and saying good riddance, and a year later, she decides to jump back into the dating pool. The first person she meets seems friendly and open-minded, but after the third date, she notices they drink a lot and care too much about having a nice car and designer clothes. RED FLAG. Sure, they are nice and open-minded, but they still hit on two past patterns of partners that have not worked out. Now, let’s say she notices this and moves on; I would call this “passing a test.” Now, will she be tested again? Maybe, most likely, until she is in her worth. However, passing these tests and choosing not to settle will eventually always bring in an aligned partner.

Career

Alright, let’s look at career. Imagine someone named Alba. Alba has been working for crappy cooperation for four years and is underpaid, overworked, and has to deal with discrimination in the office weekly. They believe they cannot make more money anywhere else and convince themselves of this, which is why they stay and sacrifice their worth. One fine day, they decide that they have had enough and start looking for new job opportunities in their area. To their surprise, they find several jobs that offer them more than what they were making. Now, Alba could have taken any of these jobs, and it would have been an upgrade. Still, they interviewed their potential bosses to find out what they value in an employee and how they keep up company morale and asked them to give a higher wage than what was listed on the job ad. Alba passed this test. They went above and beyond to find a job that suited them rather than trying to suit someone else. Because of this, they got the desired job and were paid $10 over the initial starting wage for the position.

Finances

Now, there are many different ways we can look at finances, but for this example, we are going to use the topic of scarcity—someone who struggles with a fear of not having enough, coming from a place of lack. For this example, we are going to talk about Benjamin. Benjamin has tests come up constantly, always in a whirlwind of scarcity; he finds himself with a car that has been broken into, the next week, he has an unexpected medical bill, and the week after that, his water heater goes out. He is in constant fear that he won’t have enough money. Living paycheck to paycheck, he fears getting a new job that he may like because he believes he will have to take a pay cut; he also worries about going back to school because he can’t afford to pay it off. Do you see the vicious cycle? Benjamin is faced with tests every time an unexpected bill comes up; the difficulty is two things; trust and grace. Will he trust that something good is coming and that the universe will always provide him with what he needs as long as he is active in going up against his fears? Will he find ways to get more income, either by getting another job or selling something that he creates? He could also look into high-demand careers willing to pay for the education. When Benjamin looks outside his fear, he finds opportunities to grow and trust in his future rather than withering away in scarcity.

All of these stories are true from both myself and people I know who all rose above their limiting beliefs and found their worth on the other side. Tests get easier to pass with practice, and the surefire way to notice you are being tested is to look at your triggers and see the patterns around them. The ones that keep coming up ask you to look at them with kind eyes and find a new solution that resonates with your soul’s expression. Be kind to yourself, and do the things that scare you. Through this, you will always find peace on the other side.

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  • Emily Rose Wheeler
  • Sep, 22, 2022

Hypnotherapy & Parts Integration

We all have parts within us—an inner critic, a rebel, a rescuer, just to name a few. These parts are created for one reason or another…most are created by the time we turn 8 years old. They are the product of our environment, and our authority figures; how they nurtured us, or didn’t; the examples that they showed, and the actions that we copied. Some are protective defense mechanisms, cultivated out of survival, others are wounded children, acting out in immature ways to get their needs met. Join me as we explore sub-personalities (parts) and discover how hypnotherapy helps this process move more smoothly with ease; but first, if you don’t know what hypnotherapy is or how it works, go up to the Kind Publishing Co. search bar and browse some of the hypnosis articles available. Although they are all on different topics, each one will give you different backgrounds into insights and information on the mechanics of how and why it works, because today, we will strictly focus on parts integration and hypnotherapy and why the two together make the best pairing since PB&J.

Recognizing a part of you that is acting out, will help you understand why it is coming up, and once you know the why, you begin to unravel the how and when it started. This beautiful thread of discovery will lead you to the origin of the issue. It’s in this place, you can reframe the memory into something empowering as you soothe your wounded self, and heal your core wounding. 

These processes are based on mixed teachings of Jungian psychology and the author Bill Plotkin and his book, Wild Mind. Each of these parts is a sub-personalities of the self. Think of yourself as completely whole in your entirety when you are born, and then something terrible happens, and you become fractured, altering the lens through which you see the world. When these fractures compound on top of one another, your authentic self becomes hidden, buried under trauma. You are now running on trauma reactions 24/7. This is what it looks like when someone has suffered tremendous instability in childhood or had a life-changing event in adulthood. All humans are fractured to some degree or another, because we live in a universe of duality. It doesn’t mean it’s bad; it just means it simply is. Our job as humans is to heal our fractured parts, integrating them wholly, and rediscover who we are, what we stand for , and who we stand by. So let’s look at what parts exist within you and how you can recognize when one is running the show.

The Wounded Children

These are the parts of you that never grew up and use their immature tactics to get what they want in every situation. They are prone to feeling hurt, sad, anxious, and angry. They are born from neglect, abuse, and abandonment. These parts act up to get their basic needs met in the most immature way possible—likely because it worked for them at some point, so they kept on doing it.

The conformist fears rejection and abandonment. They don’t have their own sense of fashion, they make decisions based on the input of others, they morph into the social groups they are a part of, and they mirror those who they believe “have it together.” Perhaps you knew this person in high school or college, maybe it’s someone in your family, or maybe it’s you. The conformist is created out of safety. It believes it is “safe” to fit in. They believe in what society says is “beautiful.” They would rather be sheep, moving along slowly and just getting by to fit into the unattainable standards of society.

The victim wants to be rescued. They are also motivated by a fear of abandonment. Deep down they feel fearful, unsafe, undeserving, and any sign of confrontation, discipline or trouble sends them into an anxious state. They truly believe they do not have the ability or capability to overcome their problems (Note that this is just one kind of victim). Some people’s victim simply refuses to take any responsibility. They claim they are doing everything they can, that they put everyone above themselves, yet their actions show otherwise. These parts are unique to each individual, and a victim in one person can look slightly different from a victim in another.

Outlaws, born from the conformist, or from a family environment that had low means of income. Perhaps as a child they tried to fit in, and then in teen years or college they got tired of masking, so they rebel against anything and everything, just because they can, or perhaps they were born out of anger towards a society they feel has disregarded them and feel that they are unable to obtain the life they want in an ethical manner. You will find the outlaws protesting for the sake of protesting, arguing for the sake of arguing. They enjoy drinking, sex, and self-sabotaging behavior. Think of the movie bridesmaids, this is a great example of what the rebel thinks it wants; “let’s get fucked up and everything will turn out great…” except it doesn’t because you can’t drink and thrive day-to-day. You can’t destroy your friend’s wedding and have your friendship become stronger. I mean, I guess anything is possible, but it’s highly unlikely. Just because your outlaw thinks it’s fun, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Another outlaw can look much darker; a life of crime and punishment. They rebel against any and all authority figures and are full of anger due to their shortcomings in life.

The princess/prince is also fueled by their abandonment (catching onto a theme here?), however they carry an entitlement due to their wealth, or authority figures who showered them with privilege. However, I do want to add that those where were born without wealth or privilege, can still be entitled. 

Loyal Soldiers

Have you ever heard of the theory between your left and right brains? The left brain is analytical and the right brain is creative. Well, if the loyal soldiers were put into a category based on this theory, they would definitely be in the left brain. They are protectors of the self. In fact, they are created to protect you from your wounded children. Everything they do is to help you not get hurt. Now, it is subjective as to whether or not they are actually helpful. Still, their only intention is to keep you from suffering, even if that means causing a different form of suffering in the meantime.

There are 4 main subpersonalities in this container; the rescuer (the enabler), the inner flatter (which keeps you emotionally detached from others), the tyrant (craves having power over others), and the inner critic (it’s exactly what it sounds like, they want to keep you small). These parts of us want to support us small and safe as they avoid risks and attachments.

The rescuer does so by showing their value by putting others first. They are codependent by nature and will conform to fit in so that they go unnoticed. However, from the outside, they seem to always contribute; some rescuers are manipulative. For example, one may feel completely helpless and unworthy without someone else to take care of. Usually, these folks get taken advantage of. Whereas another type of rescuer will first want to dive in and help, and once they have, they may begin to see an opening where they can manipulate you to get something in return. These parts are not “defined” in one manner; they can alter and change based on the person and their trauma.

The inner flatterer strives to boost your ego so that you need no one else. They keep you from having intimate relationships and vulnerable conversations due to a fear of rejection. So rather than allowing you to be authentic, they push you to hide behind emotional walls, a prison of sorts that doesn’t allow you to get close to anything that would render you vulnerable, thus making it difficult for you to meet your truest potential.

The tyrant wasn’t given the love they needed as a child. Therefore they create a sense of internal authority that puts them first above anyone else; exploiting others and controlling every situation makes them feel safe and powerful in their role.

The inner critic is judgmental of the self and others. It finds ways to “protect” you from taking up space, from being noticed. It wants to control everything in its surroundings so that it is “safe”. Think of someone who has been through WWI and lost everything. Perhaps the inner critic would judge themselves for living in luxury, as though it would all be taken away, and there for anyone else who lives in luxury would be wrong and looked down upon; this is the role of the inner critic in this example. Now, you could have a variety of these. You may have an inner critic who needs to keep things clean and organized to stay in control, or you may have one who judges you for how you spend your money. These parts will vary based on your internal programming and the narratives you were taught as a child.

All of these sub-personalities at their core are controlling; some more than others. Their survival instincts come from protecting you from further harm. As a child, you may have been abandoned or neglected; these parts are your loyal soldiers, ensuring you are safe from further damage. According to Jung, these parts provide structure, control, and service as they go to war, defending you from any other harm. These parts believe they are secure; they believe in the ego-centric way that they are the most honorable adult, taking care of the different parts of you. Unfortunately, no secure adult acts this way. Trustworthy moral adults act from a place of compassion and wisdom. These parts act as immature versions of a genuine secure adult, and trust me, they will try to trick you and make you think that they are just and righteous in their actions; that’s how you know; they are a protection sub-personality, rather than part of the secure, whole self.

The Escapists and Addicts

Jung called these parts the path to a spiritual journey, because of how much you must overcome to live a life of authenticity. These are the parts that come out when the immature tactics of the wounded children don’t work, and the protection from the loyal soldiers feels more critical than helpful. Those who have a strong will to dissociate have a skilled escapist. They leave their body and have holes in their memory from days, sometimes even years, at a time. Whereas someone with an addict, simply want to numb out all pain and are willing to sacrifice anything in order to meet their need for bliss and serenity, even if the cost is their family, job, home, or integrity. The amount of pain they feel is so excruciating that they feel that numbing the pain is all that they can do to get by.

The Shadow

These are the parts of self that are unknown to us, hence why they are called the shadow. They live in the darkness of our subconscious, hidden away in shame. A great way to depict a shadow is to look at what areas of life you feel ashamed of. These are things you are not consciously aware of. For example, let’s say someone always judges those who make a lot of money, and they have beliefs of this or that for why that is. Yet they “think” they are great with money and live from paycheck to paycheck—this is a shadow. They cannot see that their judgment of someone else’s wealth is holding them back from creating their own abundance, because by having this belief, they inherently don’t believe they should be rich. However, they do not see this at all. Make sense? Bill Plotkin speaks of these as the heroes, those who think they are undoubtedly saving the world, yet under their success is great judgment and toxic ego; the gurus, the teachers who believe their teachings are the only ones that can save you, and the devil/monster, the parts that must be bad so they have to be hidden away for no one else to see.

Hypnotherapy & Integration

None of these parts are inherently bad, and the key is not to punish them or scold them for causing a ruckus. The real healing lies in integration; accepting these parts for who they are, and honoring the hard work that they have done. This is where hypnotherapy comes in.

The process of hypnosis allows you to get to the root cause of a core belief. Whether it is “I am not enough”, “I am unsafe”, or “I am broken.” It can also help you uncover your shadow and the limiting beliefs that live behind statements like “rich people are evil”, “everyone is a bad driver but me” and “all people who eat meat are bad.” We are so indoctrinated by society to have limiting beliefs about our worth, finances, abundance, weight, nutrition, religion, spirituality, the government… the list goes on and on.

Remember that thread I spoke about in the beginning? About starting at a single point and unraveling the truth? That is what hypnosis does. It is a deep uncovering of limiting beliefs and programs that do not align with your authenticity and wholeness. It helps you get to the core of who you are, what you love and value, your truest expression and creative vibrance. Imagine being happier, healthier, and thriving in your everyday life. Imagine manifesting everything you could ever want, discovering your worth and breaking generational trauma, this is what hypnotherapy does. It unravels the false narratives in your mind, it negotiates with your sub-personalities (parts). It helps you step into your security and worth, so that all the other wounded parts can heal, release their obligations, and let your authentic self run the show. This is integration, and it starts with a simple thread. So where will yours lead you on your journey to healing?

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  • Emily Rose Wheeler
  • Aug, 18, 2022

Protecting & Clearing Your Energy

I was a sensitive girl growing up. Easily affected by the energy of others, my energy often shifted quickly. As I eased (or was catapulted?!) into adulthood, I couldn’t quite grasp why my energy would shift in what felt like an instant. With my energy changing in ways I didn’t understand, my emotions seemed to be up and down as well.

It wasn’t until my 20s that I began to understand energy was more than just how much sleep I got a night or the food I fueled my body with. My energy was impacted depending on how I took care of myself, of course, but the people I surrounded myself with also played a huge role. The way I spent my time was drastically affecting how I felt. It became clear I needed to set boundaries and learn how to protect my energy.

With this realization I began to honor my energy. By honoring my energy, my body, and mind started to feel a bit more at ease. I developed practices and rituals that allowed me to protect and clear my energy. Protecting my energy allowed me to stay connected to myself. Clearing my energy opens the space to come back home to myself when I feel out of alignment or need to reconnect.

Try These Practices When You Need an Energy Reset

1. connect

Sit on the floor or ground, connecting your sit bones to the surface beneath you. Feel your root chakra connect to the earth below you. Connect back to your center.

2. ground

Stand or sit on the floor or ground outside, barefoot. Feel your foot burrow into the surface beneath you, connecting to the earth and absorbing its energy. Allow your body to give the energy you no longer desire back to the earth.

3. cleanse

Cleanse your body with a shower or a bath. Watch the water wash away all that is no longer yours. See all the excess energy escape as it goes down the drain.

4. Crystals

Protect and clear the space with crystals. Protect with crystals such as black tourmaline, obsidian, amethyst, hematite. Clear your space and energy with selenite, fluorite, clear quartz, smoky quartz.

5. Visualize

Visualize a protection bubble. Imagine a white light of energy surrounding your aura that protects your energy. Anything you do not desire bounces right off and doesn’t enter your energetic field.

6. Clear

Clear your space and your body with smoke cleansing. Clear with ethically sourced palo santo, incense, candles, lavender, sage, cedarwood, juniper. Find the type of smoke cleansing that you are drawn to. Cleanse with an open window or door to let the energy leave the space!

7. move

Get out of your mind and into your body. Practice intuitive movement and clear the stagnant energy by going for a walk, shaking it off, moving the energy up and through you.

8. Feel

Feel the emotions coming up. Emotions are energy in motion. Allow yourself to feel whatever is present. Write it out to get it out of your mind and onto the paper and let it go.

9. Space

Move to a new space and change the scenery. Change the room you are in, get out of the house, go outside and get some fresh air.

These are just some of the simple and quick practices you can tap into to protect and clear your energy. Utilize these when you are holding space for others, when you get back from a big gathering, after you’ve had a long week, or just need some space just for you.

Honoring one’s energy looks different for everyone. Finding what works best for you can take time, so see what feels best as you try these different practices and rituals and lean in.

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  • Alexa Sharwell
  • Jul, 07, 2022

Developing a Spiritual Practice

Over the last 7 years, I’ve learned a lot about myself, my spirituality, and the wellness community. When I first felt a shift within myself, I didn’t understand it. The notion of ‘spirituality’ didn’t cross my mind, and while I was exploring spiritual practices, the wellness and spiritual communities felt foreign to me.

When you are starting to dip your toes into a new practice, community or modality, it often feels intimidating. It may feel as though everyone is more advanced than you. It’s like that first yoga class after a few months back—you think everyone’s looking at you, when really, everyone is thinking the same thing about their OWN practice.

It took many years, exploration, and endless scrolling to begin to understand that what I was developing was a spiritual practice. I was adopting spiritual beliefs, and as my twenties went on, I was shifting and changing. The shifts felt ‘wrong’ because most of my friends from childhood didn’t have the same interests, besides a yoga class here or there. Some similarities intertwined, but I began to feel like I was the only one changing as I got older, and wasn’t sure how to deepen the practices I felt connected to.

If you’re reading this, it feels safe to assume you’ve gone through some similar shifts in your life, no matter the age. As time went on and my purpose in life became clear, I let go of the fears of being misunderstood. I declared who I was with clear conviction.

There are a few things I learned over the years that helped me deepen and develop my spiritual practice. These tools helped me connect to myself and became rituals in my life.

Rituals for Developing a Spiritual Practice

  1. What feels good for YOU:

    The most important ritual. If someone suggests Breathwork and you hate it, you don’t have to do it! Explore what feels good to you. Try different things and incorporate them into your life. When things feel good, they will stick.

  2. Meditation and Visualization:

    Simple meditation and visualizations can drop you out of the mind and into your body. They can put you into a parasympathetic state and allow you to slow down, practice mindfulness, and connect you deeper to yourself.

  3. Practice Gratitude:

    We’ve all heard it before, but it’s true. While it’s important to acknowledge how we are feeling at any time, acknowledging the good in our life helps us recognize what we already have.

  4. Journal/Write:

    This seems simple, but writing is important for many reasons. Journaling to get things out of your mind alleviates stress and anxiety. Writing also sparks creativity. Free-write or write with prompts. There is never any wrong way to journal and write.

  5. Notice your Energy: 

    Start to pay attention to your energy. What makes you feel energized? What drains you? Begin to do more of what lights you up. When you feel connected, energized and immersed in the moment, keep doing it.

  6. Take Inventory of What Feels Aligned: 

    Similar to your energy, what in your life feels aligned? Start to take note of the things on this list, and in your life that feel good and the things that don’t. If it brings you joy. Keep doing it. If it doesn’t let it go. You can always come back to it later. This goes for people, places, things, and practices.

  7. Listen to Your Body: 

    The last thing I will tell you to do is how to eat or move your body. However, listen to your body. Intuitively move and nourish it in the way that makes it feel good. Rest when you need rest. This sounds simple, but it goes such a long way. I promise you.

  8. Connect with your Mind, Body, Soul & Spirit: 

    Connect with all parts of yourself. All four parts of you are deeply connected and make up your whole self. Honoring these parts of yourself allows you to listen to what you need and how to best serve YOU.

I could keep going and going, as there are so many ways we can deepen our connection to ourselves. I truly believe that is the way our spiritual practices begin, but these tools and rituals are what supported me in diving into my journey years ago.

My last piece of parting wisdom is this: trust yourself and lean in. You know yourself best, and if you feel drawn to something, trust that nudge. Try it. Interested in Kundalini? Do it! I waited to try it for years. Listen to the whispers. Let go of the fear, and follow your soul’s desires.

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  • Alexa Sharwell
  • Jun, 08, 2022

Tarot 101: How to Start Your Practice

When you think of, see, or hear about tarot cards or tarot readings what comes to mind? I’m genuinely curious. When I used to hear about tarot readings or divination of any kind, I was immediately struck with an even amount of intense curiosity and nervousness. Mostly because I was raised Roman Catholic and part of my upbringing consisted of being told that any form of outside exploration or questioning was a path to the devil. So of course, I didn’t want to be “bad,” but then again, I didn’t want to be confused either.

So I explored in my own way, as best as I could. Taking books out from the library on mythology, astrology, dreamwork, and witches. Enjoying supernatural stories I’d hear about my mother’s upbringing and all the paranormal experiences she had. I explored while being cautious enough to not dive too deep just yet. It wasn’t until I was sixteen that I was given my first tarot deck. The Rider-Waite Tarot.

I was both overwhelmed and deeply intrigued by its very simple yet archetypal imagery. I read the book that came with the deck from front to back, over and over again, using it as a reference as I journaled on my card pulls, slept with certain cards and meditated with others. I didn’t know then that this would be the starting ground for my current way of reading tarot and teaching tarot, which I now call Practical Tarot. At that time, I was digging into any and all information I could grasp. Now, as I’ve grown as a reader for 13+ years, I see the tarot in a completely different way than I did at that time. And I’m super stoked to share this information with you!

The Basics of Tarot

A typical tarot deck consists of 78 cards. These 78 cards are broken up into two parts. The Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana.

The Major Arcana

The Major Arcana is made of up the first 22 cards of your deck and represents shifts in consciousness and major changes or transitions.

These first 22 cards represent very important archetypes of the psyche, heart and soul and can really be helpful in meditation and embodiment. Each major arcana card is also represented by a specific astrological sign which plays an important magickal, medicinal, psychological and spiritual role in how a reading spreads out. But ultimately, when a Major Arcana Card shows up, this is giving you a heads up that holy shifts are on the horizon or are already happening.

The Minor Arcana

The Minor Arcana make up the second half of the tarot deck and represent important details, elements of a reading, a story being told and further advice or guidance.

The Minor Arcana are broken into 4 parts, or suits—pentacles, swords, wands and cups. Each suit represents a different element of nature and a different element of the personality or energy of the reading being given.

Pentacles represent the earth element.
Swords represent the air element.
Wands represent the fire element.
Cups represent the water element.

Each of these suits also symbolize time periods, masculine or feminine energy, and so much more. Of course, it depends highly on what you intuit more than anything—and of course, the nature of the reading itself being given.

Connecting to the Tarot and Yourself

Tarot, is a magnificent tool for personal development, self help, healing, intuitive awakening, and growth! The tarot can, of course, be used to determine future outcomes, or conduct love readings. The cards can also be used for meditation and manifestation as well, because of the rich symbolism the cards possess. But if you are just starting out on this path or still trying to find your way, I suggest you do so with the intention of self help and personal development first.

Utilize this tool to understand yourself, understand your environment, and how you interact with the world around you. Discover the archetypes of the major arcana. Pulling one card from each and asking yourself, how does this make me feel? What does this bring up for me that I need to shift? Understand the elements of the minor arcana and where you may need more balance of one than the other (feeling ungrounded or stressed? You may need more earth element in your life—tarot will definitely bring that up for you and guide you on how to rebalance that!).

A big reason why I highly suggest working with your tarot cards from this space first is because most of the time we struggle with trusting our intuition and interpreting our thoughts and feelings clearly. We generally have a cluster of thoughts, a plethora of feelings and ton of insight—and we’re really good at sharing that insight with others when the spotlight is on their issues or concerns, but many of us have been programmed to ignore our own stuff we need to look at.

Developing Your Intuition

Working with the tarot from a personal development, self expansion, and self help space first will open your intuitive eye, help you put understanding to your inner world and help you heal blocks and barriers to your own intuition. When we do not trust ourselves, this leads us into unbalanced and misaligned territory, jobs, relationships and situations. When our intuition is developing, opening and fine tuning—we ultimately develop a rich and magickal relationship with ourselves and this leads us to aligned relationships, situations and circumstances. Tarot has definitely helped me strengthen my intuition, understand many things I was confused about and has reconnected me to my inner wisdom and highest self—which is just a fancy way of saying my happiest, healthiest, and most confident self. The self that was blocked, shushed, or shooed away came through in my many years of developing through and learning from this beloved tool I now get to teach others how to incorporate in their daily routines. And I hope this helps inspire you to dare to dive deep and unlock your magick too!

Getting Started

Grab a tarot deck that aligns with you. Note that it doesn’t have to be a beginner deck. If you resonate with a beginner deck then go for it, but you ultimately reach towards a deck that aligns with you.

Explore the deck without the book. I know, I said I did that, but as I’ve grown, I have found that the best book on tarot we can use in our practice is one we create ourselves through our own journey with our deck. Explore your deck without the book and record your insights, feelings, and impressions in a journal solely for your tarot readings.

Pull one card a day for yourself and give yourself readings. Slowly but surely fine tune your intuition, trust what comes up, receive the insight you have deep within you. See over time what you interpreted and how it made sense to you!

I truly hope this article found and fed your spirit in the way it was meant to and I cannot wait to share many magical and magickal ways of using tarot in your life!

If you’d like to immerse yourself in my Practical Tarot Self Study Course, click here!

If you’d like a personal tarot reading with spiritual counseling, click here!

For any questions or further discussion about today’s article or services and classes offered, feel free to e-mail me at jpthebosswitch@gmail.com Tuesday-Friday from 11am to 6pm EST!

Blessed Be!!

XOXO

Jenn

This article is part one of a series where Jenn breaks down more of the Tarot Deck. Stay tuned for future installments on Kind Publishing Co.

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  • Jennifer Pennington PhD.
  • May, 26, 2022
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