Why Shopping Small Is More Important Than Ever

Over the last few years, shopping small has gotten chic. But there are more reasons why you should shop local than just following the trend. Shopping at local stores, for local food, and with small business owners is a win-win for everyone involved. Here are a few examples of why it’s more important than ever to shop small.

It’s Sustainable

I’m sure you’ve heard it already, “Shopping small is more sustainable”. But what does that really mean? A lot of different things, actually.

If you’re shopping for locally produced foods, it’s more sustainable because the food isn’t transported as far, cutting down on vehicle emissions. Because the commute — so to speak — is shorter for local produce, you’re also benefiting by eating fresher, more nutrient-dense food! And you’re more likely to shop what is naturally in season, which encourages farmers to work their land with more respect for the natural capabilities of the Earth (less chemicals and depletion of the soil!).

With less chemicals and more nutrient-dense foods, you can nourish your body and staying healthier throughout the year!

For instance, did you know that locally produced honey and elderberry syrup can help you fight seasonal allergies and cold/flu symptoms (you can do a quick online search to learn more from professionals)?

If you decide to shop at a local boutique, chances are they have a partnership with other local small business owners, non-profits, or organizations that are doing good for the community. This means that every time you spend money with them, you’re not only giving the shop money but also all the other people who are involved in the process!

Local shops are also more often concerned with sustainable packaging, shipping, and production. You can have more control over making low-to-no plastic purchases, buying in bulk, and saving money/resources on shipping. For instance, see if you can find a no-plastic store in your area where you can buy shampoo and conditioner in bulk. Just bring a clean, empty shampoo or conditioner bottle to the store and fill it up!

Bottom line: Momma Earth thanks you when you shop local!

It Builds Community

In more ways than one, shopping local builds community. The most obvious way is that most local shop owners are very familiar with their clients and therefore have a better, more loyal relationship with them. Here’s a story about just that:

Earlier this year, I was shopping in a local boutique in my hometown (Charlotte, NC). As I was walking around the store, I noticed a needlepoint hanging on the wall. This needlepoint looked familiar to me — very similar to one that had hung in my parents’ house in my childhood. I snapped a picture and sent it to my mom.

Immediately, I received a phone call from my mom, “That’s our needlepoint! I accidentally gave it away and thought I’d never see it again!”. My heart began to race — what was I going to do? Were they selling it? Would they give it back to us?

In short, I approached the person working at the shop and told her the story. We spent 15 minutes talking about how incredibly serendipitous the day had turned out to be before taking the needlepoint down and bringing it out to my car.

This store is now my favorite boutique in town and I have become a loyal customer. Would that have happened at a Target? Definitely not. I guess it’s all about what you’re looking for. I, for one, am looking for a place that feels like home as soon as I walk through the door.

How to Start Shopping Small

If you’re looking for ways to shop local but aren’t sure how to start, a great way to begin is by checking out the website for your local Chamber of Commerce. Many small businesses will be registered members and should be listed in a directory. Social media is also a great way to find small, local businesses. Where are your friends shopping? Next time they post that cute new plant in their Instagram stories, click on the handle of the shop they tag and see where it takes you!

Meaghan Dunham
Oct, 05, 2020

How we transitioned to a plant based family

My family of five (including three kids under the age of 5) has been plant-based for over a year now. Interchangeably, we use the term vegan, but I will point out that we are not fully vegan.

What’s the difference? Being vegan is a lifestyle where you avoid all animal products or products that involve animal cruelty in their processing. For example, beef, eggs, leather purses, and mascara tested on animals are all off limits. People are more accustomed to the term “vegan” over “whole-foods, plant-based diet”, which is why we often use the terms interchangeably. A whole-foods plant-based diet is exactly what it says it is; you aim to eat mostly fresh foods in their whole, natural form, and that most of your diet is composed of plants or things from the earth. Some people consume small amounts of dairy or meat on a plant-based diet, however, we do not. A few years ago I had a conversation with someone about a vegan diet and thought that it was absolutely impossible for the kids, but here we are today! If a plant-based diet and lifestyle change is something you are interested in, I’m here to tell you that you can do it!

WHY WE CHANGED OUR DIET

After going through some personal health issues in our family we began researching alternative diets. It was during this time that we learned about the harmful effects our diet and lifestyle had had on our bodies. We realized that a more intentional diet would promote long, happy, and healthy lives. We also realized that the animal industry as a whole is incredibly cruel and harmful to the environment (let’s be honest, we already knew that, but we finally decided to acknowledge it).

I’ll note here that many of our vegan and sustainability habits—like composting—developed at this point, but a vegan diet is not automatically a healthy diet. More to come on that below. A plant-based diet has been proven to improve your immunity, decrease inflammation, improve digestion, and decrease your risk of heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer’s, and diabetes. Anecdotally, people frequently report feeling better with this diet and feel full faster since they are absorbing more calories and nutrients without junk in their system. You can read these highlights from MD Anderson and Healthline for more of an introduction to these concepts.

I mentioned that we started researching this path due to personal reasons.

I had been feeling poorly for a long time and was suffering from ulcers and mouth sores and was struggling with eating. I was looking for ways to reduce inflammation and fatigue.
Our daughter had been diagnosed with a genetic disorder which had some similarities with the Autism Spectrum and I was researching gluten-free, casein-free diets and any impact they could possibly have.
We learned more about sustainability and many hidden issues in the food industry. We couldn’t ignore it any longer. This sent us down a rabbit hole of information and it was honestly an exciting experience to read, learn, and grow together—feeling empowered to take control of our own health. Many diets out there seemed to replace “taboo” foods with processed foods, and a whole-foods plant-based diet just made sense for us. It naturally tends to be gluten minimal, casein-free, can be vegan, and removes a lot of options to eat processed crap that we had previously consumed for so long.

THE BEGINNING

The first month was the hardest. We essentially relearned how to cook and shop and therefore we often didn’t know what to eat. We had previously been in a groove with meat, dairy, and frozen foods in our rotations of meals and grocery shopping and we had to rethink it all.

My husband and I lost about 5-10 pounds each as we began to remove some of the junk out of our meals. After a few months, I noticed I was feeling full sooner since my body was actually absorbing calories and nutrients. I ate less each meal and my heartburn went away. Our digestion changed a lot (no one really prepared us for this)! Our twin girls stopped having constipation within the first few weeks and everyone in the house was very regular! I also noticed that a lot of my bloating and cramping improved (but of interest, didn’t go away fully until I cut down on my alcohol intake). Slowly we got into a good rhythm and our new lifestyle felt completely normal to us.

If You Want to, You Can Do It too

Do the Research

Don’t make any changes until you know what you’re doing (mostly). Research a few different diets, watch credible documentaries, read related books and cookbooks. You don’t need to be an expert, but you should have some information under your belt before getting started. I recommend Forks Over Knives as a great documentary, book, and cookbook to start.

GET THE WHOLE FAMILY ON BOARD

Not to say that it can’t be done, but the transition will be so much harder if you have one or two people eating one way in your home and one or two people eating another way. Get everyone on board with the change and decide how you will take on this diet together. Will you only eat home cooked meals? Will you only be plant-based when home or at restaurants and parties, too? Make sure you involve every family member who is old enough to understand while you do the research. If everyone doesn’t understand the “why,” they’re not going to be totally on board.

RESTOCK YOUR PANTRY

Your pantry will likely need a complete overhaul to ensure it’s stocked with all the essential nutrients you need (and to keep you focused). A few staples that we have in our pantry are coconut oil, unsweetened organic applesauce, lentils, black and garbanzo beans, steel cut oats, tahini, nutritional yeast, flaxseed, hemp seed, chia seed, and walnuts. Little by little, clear most of the processed food and meat products out of your home. Be sure to read labels for hidden dairy if you plan to eliminate it fully (it’s in so many things!).

PREP YOUR KITCHEN

No reno needed, but you will need a good setup since you’ll be preparing most if not all of your own meals. Set yourself up with plenty of food prep space! Sharpen your knives, get a food processor and/or a blender. Other gadgets we like are an avocado slicer, peeler, and strainer. You can find Amazon links to My Favorite Things on my website for more!

GO SLOW

If you go cold-turkey your chances of success are slim because you will feel deprived and miserable. Don’t toss out all your food. Slowly use up your meat products and don’t replace them. Going dairy-free too? Instead of cow’s milk, try almond or soy milk (but be sure to read the ingredients to buy clean, whole products). We like lentils, beans, and falafel in place of meat, and avocados and hummus in place of cheese, but in the beginning we bought lots of tofu “chicken” nuggets and meatless “meatballs” to get the kids (and us) used to things as a temporary bridge.

USE RECIPES AS INSPIRATION, NOT A RULE

You’ll drive yourself crazy if you need a recipe for every meal. You’ll also drive up your bill if you try to find each and every ingredient that someone else used in their fancy blog post. My biggest success has been using recipes for inspiration and then making a meal that is similar based on the ingredients I already have.

ONE MEAL FOR THE ENTIRE FAMILY

People often ask me how we got the kids to eat (and love) things like kale, hummus, broccoli, and soup. The biggest answer is that we only offer one meal. When they get hungry they will eat it. Yes, this means that sometimes they don’t eat, but everyone is doing well in weight and growth. We aren’t as strict as we sound; we do allow room for personal preferences (I mean, I don’t like mushrooms, so I don’t expect them to like everything either!). Our 4 year old son and 3 year old twin daughters have vivid imaginations, so we also talk very openly about food as a source of nutrition and medicine. Those carrots make your eyes strong, this kale will help you to have energy, those little hemp seeds (a great source of protein) will make you grow big and strong!

BE INTENTIONAL WITH FOOD CHOICES - Plan for nutritional needs

Be sure you get enough Zinc, Iron, Calcium, and B12. Many of our processed foods are fortified with these supplements, meaning they are added to them in the factory. Therefore you could lose out on some of these if you reduce your processed animal based foods and don’t replace them with whole foods! If you are getting lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, you will naturally be getting what you need (including plenty of fiber). Lentils, beans, and seeds will give you enough protein. If you don’t take in any meat, you must take a B12 supplement to avoid anemia. Sadly, our soil has evolved overtime and it doesn’t contain enough to support the human body. Animals are often injected with B12 as well because of this. The good news is there is a variety of supplement options available! Our family has never been anemic and we don’t take any iron supplements. Don’t assume something labeled as “plant-based” or “vegan” is “good” for you. It’s important to always read labels and know what you are consuming.

BRING YOUR OWN FOOD OR BE PREPARED TO "CHEAT" AT TIMES

Decide what you’ll do outside of your home. If you plan to continue this diet at work or at parties, then be prepared to bring your own food. No one will invite you to anything if you expect them to prepare you special food. We often bring fruits and veggies on the go with us so we don’t feel tempted to drive through Wendy’s for french fries (which are indeed plant-based and vegan, but not good for you, see?). When we go out to dinner, we sometimes have to make vegetarian choices instead of vegan choices. We chose to allow for some flexibility so we aren’t stressed in socially-busy situations, but we are conscious not to make a habit out of it.

There was a time when I thought a plant-based diet was impossible for not only myself, but my entire family. Now I’m happy to say that we are all healthier than ever and are so happy with the change. Whether plant-based or another diet is right for you, remember to be intentional with your decision. Whatever you choose, make sure it is in alignment with your goals and add value to your life!

Christina Dunbar
Sep, 07, 2020

Reflecting On Pregnancy Loss

He looked over at the table where our two children sat, “Do you ever imagine what it would be like if that table was full over there?”

At first I didn’t grasp his meaning.

And then he continued, “You know, if the three babies we lost were sitting at that table too. Do you ever imagine what that would be like if they were all here—5 in total?”

This caught me completely off guard and I immediately started tearing up.

My husband doesn’t talk about those three babies a lot. In fact, it’s easy to assume that I carried the majority of that pain. But in that moment, I felt incredibly connected with him. Connected to my children, to the ones I have with me and the ones I’ve lost. Which is a rare moment… when I feel us all connected at the same time.

Meghan Markle recently released an article articulating her experience with pregnancy loss and I couldn’t help but feel empathy for her. Anyone who has suffered this unimaginable loss knows that you immediately feel connected to another who has gone through the same thing. It becomes this quiet pact; where if you’ve experienced the same thing, you can’t help but say, “Hey, I’ve been through that too.” Because it’s a loss that feels completely isolating and vast and never ending.

I felt the largest brunt of that pain with my first loss. I was consumed with depression, and it took me months to even call it that. I was quiet about the loss at first… and then I began to tell everyone who would listen, word vomiting my story, really, in order to feel some sort of connection to my lost baby and our experience.

After you experience a loss like that every pregnancy after is different. You guard yourself, afraid to let yourself hope, afraid to give that baby too much love, to give him or her too much of a future because you’re scared that it will shatter at any moment.

You get angry when you see expectant mothers glowing as they shop for their bundle of joy. Jealous when you see new mothers pushing strollers down the sidewalk with a smile on their face. You want to scream at women who get pregnant by “accident” and complain about not feeling well.

I’ve been pregnant 5 times, but only have two children here with me today.

My first baby would have been 8 years old. And the other two would have been 6 and 5. I lost the first one at 12 weeks and the next two both around 6 weeks.

For the most part I’ve moved on with my life. How can you not? But then I’ll have moments like the one I just shared where it feels like yesterday. Suddenly all the memories flood in with speed and clarity…

When the doctor told me that there was no heartbeat.

When the contractions started coming.

When I spotted the beginning of blood flow.

The never-ending tears and my husband’s face searching and not knowing what to do.

I have lost more babies than I have been able to keep… and this something that will always startle me.

Alyssa McDowell
Sep, 01, 2020

Don’t Feed The Fear

Do not feed your fear.

Fear is a low-vibration energy. And the energy you put out, you attract — whether that is low-vibration or high-vibration. So by giving into your fears, you’re inviting more of the same low-vibration frequencies. Which can show up as more fear, as anxiety, as worry and doubt.

If you’re giving into fear over and over, it is time to shift your focus. Shift your fear to excitement. Instead of being fearful of the worst case scenario, change the narrative to be excited for the best. Imagine what that best looks like. Feel what it feels like. Call it in. And allow it to come.

What am I fearful of?

I’ve been fearful of receiving harsh judgement if I fully step into my authentic self (especially by loved ones) if I pursue what interests me and what fills me up. Because the things that fill me up, that excite me, aren’t “traditional” in any mainstream sense. And to be honest, I’ll admit that they can take some getting used to, but in order to do that, you must be open. And I’m fearful that the people I love will have harsh and critical judgement against me with a complete lack of an open mind. Which makes me want to shrink and hide…

Fear doesn’t sit well in our bodies. It rots. It feels yucky. It’s no way to live. In order to switch the fear, I’m trying to focus, instead, on the possibilities.

By stepping into the life, the path, the interests that truly light me up — I will be free. Exactly the way I am. Happy. Fulfilled. And by being exactly who I was meant to be, I’ll call forth the support of a community that DOES accept me exactly as I am with no exceptions. Such a better perspective right?

Don’t focus on the fear, my dear. There is power in your thoughts.

Alyssa McDowell
Aug, 20, 2020

Breathing Through Trauma

As I breathed I was brought back to a time when I felt completely unsupported, unwanted, unneeded, unworthy of anything good… and the flood gates opened.

Your shadows and traumas are not your fault, but they are your responsibility.

If you know me, you would know that I’m pretty open to trying any holistic, natural, or alternative wellness practice or therapy. I’ve enjoyed plenty of celery juices, I collect crystals, I started learning about tarot, and have been exploring how to deepen my intuition on a spiritual level.

So, when I heard Erin was offering breathwork sessions, I was all in. Breathwork is a way to access your fight or flight response and the past traumas you have associated with that response in order to process those emotions in a safe and healthy environment. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to address when I first scheduled my session, but I have my fair share of traumas, so knew any number of things could have been brought forth.

My breathwork session with @erin was exactly what I needed. It was the safe space my body and soul needed in order to process my past traumas and see clearly how they are connected to my current triggers.

For the past week or so (prior to my session) I have felt extremely stressed and triggered. I felt this constant need to cry, but was unable to bring my full emotion forward. There was clearly a block there.

Quickly after my session started I was sobbing. Transported to one of the most difficult times of my life. It brought to light how I am allowing my present situations to control me in much of the same ways I felt controlled or stifled as a child.

The work served as a reminder that I am not that sad, angry, scared, alone little girl anymore.
I have worth. And I can take care of that little girl — my inner child — by taking care of me.
I can comfort her by comforting myself.

I can bring her joy allowing myself to feel joy.

I was reminded that I am never alone. That I can ask for help and support when I need it. That I am protected and safe and can call upon the angels and my soul team at any moment.
The thing about triggers is that they can sneak up on you in unexpected ways. In ways you would never even link back to your original trauma. Which makes this work that much more important. We all have our own shadows, traumas, demons — whatever you want to call them — and unless you face them head on and truly process them in order to cut the cords, you can never move on.

They quite literally hold you back.

At the very end of my breathwork session, I felt an energy approach, which eventually appeared as a crab. Afterwards I looked up the spiritual meaning of the crab totem —

“A sign of protection. The crab symbolizes emotions, trust, and the cyclical nature of life. At some point in a crab’s life, it dumps one shell in exchange for another, symbolizing a point of rebirth in their life cycle. By dumping excess emotional baggage, we take an active role in achieving our own happiness.”

Damn.

Erin "Bird" Schmenski
Aug, 04, 2020

Why You Need Sun Exposure

The sun and the exposure to its ultraviolet B (UBV) rays is extremely important for our health. Especially during a pandemic, it is incredibly important to be cognizant of how much sun exposure you are getting. There are a few reasons why people are more likely to get sick in the fall and winter — less access to natural vitamin D (sun exposure) is definitely one of them. It is estimated that 26% of people have low levels of vitamin D, which is quite a startling number for something that can be improved with minimal effort.

SYMPTOMS OF VITAMIN D DEFICIENCY CAN INCLUDE:

depression
fatigue
muscle weakness
weak or brittle bones, or osteoporosis
weak immune function (which after long periods of time can contribute to cancers and autoimmune disease)

Even on a healthy, balanced diet, nutrition only makes up about 5% of our vitamin D needs. When we are exposed to the sunlight the ultraviolet B (UVB) rays hit our cholesterol cells on the surface of our skin which convert to vitamin D. UVB rays cannot flow through windows, so getting outside is important. It is recommended that you spend at least 15 minutes a day in direct sunlight. “Studies estimate that darker-skinned people may need anywhere from 30 minutes to three hours longer to get sufficient vitamin D.”(1) The pigment of your skin is determined by the amount of melanin your have, meaning the darker your skin color the more melanin you have. While melanin helps protect the skin from burning, it also means that the more you have the more sun exposure you need.

But be careful not to burn. Sun exposure should always be monitored. While small doses are immensely helpful to our heath, too much, too often puts us at risk for skin cancer. It is important to not let your skin burn. “New theories suggest that our immune system constantly fights melanoma cancer cells all over the body, but a sunburn keeps our immune system so busy that cancer cannot be sufficiently warded off in another part of the body.”(2) Which explains why people with melanoma mysteriously are affected in areas that have little to no sun exposure at all, like the soles of the feet.

If you find yourself cooped up indoors too often, try moving some of your normal activities outside. You can read a book, practice yoga, or even scroll through your Instagram feed all in the sun.

OTHER WAYS TO GET VITAMIN D

cod liver oil
beef liver
egg yolk
salmon
sardines
tuna
vitamin D supplements

As always, before changing your diet or supplement usage, please consult with your personal healthcare professional.

Alyssa McDowell
Aug, 01, 2020

5 Ways To Boost Productivity While Working From Home

I began working from home full-time in January 2017 as a graphic designer. I am a very disciplined person by nature, so staying productive has always been a skill of mine. However, I realize that this concept is entirely new for most of the country right now. If you are working from home for the first time, or maybe you already work from home but are having trouble getting the most out of your day, here are 5 tips to boost your productivity.

Make sure you have everything you need

Think of everything you could possibly need to get your job done and have it ready and in your workspace. Computer, charger, mouse, pen, notebook, a steaming hot cup of coffee… If you don’t have the proper equipment, you’re going to waste precious time looking for it or just simply procrastinating while you wait for it to appear.

Make a to-do list

Before you actually start working, check your email, look at your queue, check whatever you need to check so you can make a to-do list. The list should be in order of priority. You can write this down on paper, use an app like Notes (Apple device), or use a productivity tool like Trello. Whatever you find the most easy to use. I personally like to keep an ongoing and ever changing list for my week as a whole. This allows me to work ahead of schedule if my day allows. It also gives me a good forecast of what to expect and if I need to fill in any gaps for the week.

Allow yourself to take breaks

This might sound counter-productive, but this is an incredibly helpful tool. When you give yourself a break it allows your brain to focus more when you get back to work. Make sure you are moving away from your computer and workspace. It can be easy to feel like you should be working when the work is sitting right in front of you. Distance yourself for 10 minutes or longer to make a fresh cup of tea, go for a quick walk, or put a load of dishes away.

Turn off notifications

If you have a deadline and you know time is tight, turn off your notifications. It can be difficult to stay focused when you are being pinged on Slack, text messages, email, project management tools, etc. Every time you check on a notification, it can add minutes or hours to your day depending on how many times you were interrupted. Tell your team that you are going heads-down until you finish whatever you are doing and if they need you, you’ll respond when you are done.

Implement time blocking

If you find yourself doing the same tasks over and over each week you need to time block. For larger activities you can block entire days. For example: I only create social media posts on Monday. If you find yourself in several meetings throughout the week, block off, say, Tuesday and Thursday mornings only for meetings. By doing this, you’ve set yourself a loose schedule that clusters similar tasks together — which in turn increases your daily expectations and productivity.

Comment below and share if you have any productivity hacks of your own!

Alyssa McDowell
Jul, 30, 2020

Rethinking Kindness

Isn’t it ironic how often we tell our children to be kind? As a mother, I know I tell my children at least 3 times a day to be kind in one way or another.

“Please be kind.”

“Please make kind choices.”

“Be kind to your sister.”

“Be kind to your brother.”

“Was that a kind thing to do?”

You’ll notice here, that these kindness suggestions are pointing outside oneself, rather than in. A showing of kindness to another person. And while being kind to other humans is certainly a worthy attribute, I wonder if we are not missing a crucial piece here. Or maybe it is just me and my parenting habits. Do we frequently remind our children to be kind to themselves? Do we remind ourselves to be kind to ourselves?

Self-care is everywhere right now. While it is important and I am grateful that people are discussing it, maybe we should start this whole process a little earlier. Like, in childhood. Both on good days and challenging days.

How to Rethink Kindness

How do we do this? The same way we taught outward kindness, I suppose. Here’s how I attempted to do this today.

Prior to heading to a local parade, my middle child attempted to fill his water bottle by himself. While I appreciate the attempt, he ended up spilling at least 30 oz of water all over the kitchen island, which proceeded to drip onto the chairs and floor.

Now, it was just water. Not a huge deal, right? Right.

But—this happens fairly frequently. We have water puddles most days of the week with infrequent clean-up afterward. Additionally, my middle and his siblings had been quite rambunctious prior to the big spill. So Mama came in a little intense, as she is wont to do

[She being me, is still a work-in-progress, but I digress].

He was upset and struggling to clean up all the water. Seeing this, I grabbed a bath towel and began to help while requesting some information about the events that occurred prior to the spill. His siblings claimed innocence, which seemed both convenient and unlikely. I began to discuss ways to prevent this from continuing to occur (as in, ask for help or fill it directly from the faucet).

He was soon tearful. I knelt down to his level and asked him if he wanted a hug. He said yes.

I considered releasing the hug after 15 seconds or so, but decided to wait him out. During that embrace, I envisioned pouring my love into him. I also envisioned clearing any negativity from the both of us. By the end, it felt as though we were in a cocoon of safety and love. One that we could carry along with us.

After about a minute, he pulled away. I stayed down at his level and asked him what he was feeling. He shook his head and would not meet my eyes. Knowing that he tends to bottle up his emotions, I asked again and then scooped him up and carried him to the couch. I asked once more.

He replied, tearfully, “it’s all my fault.”

“What is? The water?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you think spilling water is a big deal?”

He shook his head no.

I said, “You are always allowed to feel sad or mad or whatever, but spilling water is not a huge deal. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I was just hoping to help prevent it from continuing to happen.” I looked into his eyes and then tapped his temple as I asked. “Is that voice in your head being mean?”

He nodded.

I said, “Will you repeat after me?”

He nodded again.

I used the Mel Robbins 5-second method. “5-4-3-2-1. I am allowed to make mistakes.”

He repeated, “5-4-3-2-1. I am allowed to make mistakes.”

I said. “I am loved when I make mistakes. I am forgiven when I make mistakes. Nothing is unforgivable.”

He repeated each word as I had, then breathed a bit easier.

I said, “You can do that whenever that voice in your head gets mean. Just count backward and introduce a new thought. Like ‘I am loved’ or ‘I am worthy of forgiveness.’”

He nodded.

I then said, “You know you’re not that voice, right? That voice tries to keep you safe and maybe keep you from taking risks, but that voice can also be pretty mean. You’re not that voice. You’re the one hearing it, observing it. And know that you can let those thoughts go. Right?”

“Yeah. I love you, Mom.” He said he hugged me tightly again.

I certainly am not an expert in parenting. I certainly make mistakes and get intense more often than I’d like. But I think this is an important reminder for both adults and children.

Are we being kind to ourselves? Sometimes being kind is eating an apple instead of Cheetos. Sometimes being kind is drinking water instead of wine. Sometimes being kind is going for a walk instead of playing PS4. Sometimes being kind is journaling about that trigger rather than numbing with social media scrolling. Sometimes being kind is walking away from a relationship that leaves you feeling unworthy or unlovable. Sometimes being kind is eating Oreos with your kids and laughing at chocolate-covered teeth. Sometimes being kind is forgiving yourself for mistakes, whether 7, 37, or any age at all.

I hope this can serve as a reminder that outward kindness will become much easier when we’ve been practicing inward kindness as well. Just as self-criticism can often lead to being hypercritical to those around you, I have an inkling that self-kindness would have a similar effect.

So today choose kindness—not just outward facing kindness, but inward facing kindness as well.

Love,

Brandi Johnson
Jul, 15, 2020

The Key To Ending The Cycle Of People Pleasing

I will never forget when I began to say “no” more in my life. I turned down invitations and stopped responding to people that were toxic. Not only was it liberating, it freed up my time and gave me even more time to really think about what exactly I wanted. I simply stopped wasting my time on other people.

It was truly fascinating and kind of scary to start saying ‘no’ to invitations. I would realize that on a Saturday night (when socially, I was meant to be partying and drinking with friends) I actually had no plans except to sit at home and watch my favorite TV shows. It was a shock to my nervous system and I found myself very lonely at times. But being lonely was better than being overwhelmed. Being free on a Saturday night was better than having to go to something I hated.

You may be wondering what this has to do with people pleasing and ending the cycle in your life? The key to ending the cycle of people pleasing starts with relearning to say the first word most of us learn as babies, “no.”

It is such a simple word but it can have so much impact. It can deny, it can stop, it can do a lot of things. It can become your best friend. The reason we often stop using the word “no” is because when we were kids our parents wanted us to agree with them. When we said “no” we were considered rude or rebellious, so those of us who wanted love from our parents or caregivers stopped saying it.

However, as you grow up into adulthood, setting boundaries and saying “no” are foundations to living a happy and fulfilled life. People pleasers are often burnt-out, tired, and angry at the word. Do you feel any of these things?

So how do you set boundaries?

HERE ARE 4 EASY TOOLS TO BEGIN THE PROCESS

You have to change your mindset.
You have to get really clear about why you are a people pleaser. What happened as a child that created this mindset that you have to please everyone in your life? Write it out in a journal and be very clear about the origin of this behavior. This will help you as you begin to say “no” more in your life. You can remind yourself that it is not YOU but the programming from childhood that is occurring when you say yes.
As invitations begin to flood in, always take a full day to decide whether you want to go or not.
This is important because it will give you space away from that person plus it’s easier to say “Let me think about it” or “Hmm, I will check my calendar and get back to you” rather than a straight “no” to someone’s face. You can follow up with a text with a “no” which is much easier for some to handle or take your time to decide if the YES will bring you joy.
For every invitation you say “yes” to, say “no” to two others for no reason.
This is a great game to play with yourself when you are starting off. It will help you keep track of your progress and if anyone gets annoyed then you can blame it on me. Challenge yourself to put your mental health at the forefront, not your social life.
Find the why behind your reluctance to say “no”.
The #1 reason people don’t want to say “no” is because as children we were taught that if you did, your parents would chastise you for being rude. Because of this, you often are scared people will be angry or annoyed with you if you say “no” — but the truth is that most adults actually do respect each other’s boundaries and that most likely this reaction is something you’re projecting onto the other person because of programming from your childhood. And if the person is angry then explain to them your ‘why’ and if they don’t get it then it’s time to get better friends. This is why finding the reason “why” you have trouble with saying “no” can really help you stay on track.

You may even be thinking, what will I do with my time if I can commit to saying “no.” The answer is: something for YOURSELF.

Finally, you will have time to concentrate on you, your passions, your needs, your own self care. You can only truly embrace your next step in life when you free your time and begin to add in your own passions.

Use this time to start that hobby you are interested in, or that side hustle that you know will make you more money. Perhaps you can adjust to a longer morning or evening routine. You also choose to spend more time with the people you actually care about and love.

The possibilities are endless.

Time is a resource you can never get back. Use it wisely so start saying ‘no’!

Morgan Doman
Jul, 07, 2020

How I Beat Binge Eating

The first time that I can remember having binged, I was eight years old. I couldn’t find anyone to play with during lunch hour (the girls in my class had a habit of hiding from me), so instead, I bought a few chocolate bars from the vending machine and sat in a corner on my own. As each bar was devoured, I felt less and less upset and a sense of numbness overcame me. Food became my best friend and for over a decade, I binged every single day, if not multiple times a day.

At the age of twenty-one, I finally hit my breaking point. My binge eating had become all consuming and had stolen everything from me: my happiness, my relationships, my academic success, and so much more. I finally found the courage to speak to my doctor and to open up about the behaviours that I had been keeping a secret for so long. I was officially diagnosed with a binge eating disorder and it was then that I began the extremely challenging but equally rewarding road to recovery.

You may be asking yourself, what exactly is binge eating anyways? Common symptoms can include: eating an unusually large amount of food rapidly in a small amount of time, feeling that your eating behaviour is out of control, eating even when you’re full or not hungry, eating alone or in secret, and feeling depressed, disgusted, ashamed, guilty, or upset about your eating.

Another question that I am commonly asked is: what causes someone to binge eat? The answer varies greatly from person to person, but binge eating is commonly linked to trauma, difficult emotions, and difficult memories. Binge eating is also often the result of physical or mental restriction. Engaging in binge eating is not a choice or something that you can blame yourself for. It is simply your body’s innate way of coping and trying to keep you alive. Binge eating does not discriminate and can affect people of all ages, genders, and ethnicities. The good news is that with the right knowledge and support, you CAN stop binge eating and heal your relationship with food (even if you’ve tried a hundred different times, a hundred different ways, and aren’t feeling very optimistic).

Here is an oversimplified explanation of how to stop bingeing:⁣

STEP 1 — STOP DIETING & EMBRACE INTUITIVE EATING

It is very likely that you have been, or still are, dieting. In Western culture, there is immense pressure for women to maintain a certain weight and shape. Diets are often marketed as a way to achieve the thinness that is idealised and to avoid the fatness that is stigmatised in society. Unfortunately however, dieting does not work in the long term and actually increases your risk of gaining even more weight than you lost initially. The main reason why diets don’t work is that they prescribe far too little food. When we do not eat enough from all food groups, the body tips into a state of semi-starvation. If we do not respond to this hunger by eating, the physiological pressure to eat builds up until we are driven to eat. When we are physically and psychologically driven to eat, we often eat more than we had planned, eat foods that we had previously tried to avoid, or lose control to the point of binge eating. When this happens, we may worry about how this eating will impact our weight, diet more strictly than ever before to ‘make up’ for it, and set ourselves up for a vicious cycle to overeat or binge again. In contrast to dieting, intuitive eating is all about embracing internal cues of hunger, fullness and satisfaction. By embracing intuitive eating, you will learn to reject the diet mentality, make peace with food, and truly honour your body.

STEP 2 — LET GO OF ALL OR NOTHING THINKING

It is common for those who struggle with binge eating to think in terms of black and white. For example, you may tell yourself that you aren’t allowed any chocolate at all. As a result, when you inevitably end up eating a piece of chocolate, you will feel as though you have completely failed. Once you feel this way, it’s easy to think, “now that I have broken the rule, I may as well eat all the chocolate in my house.” The truth is that one piece of chocolate won’t change your body or impact your health in any measurable way and therefore, the most successful and sustainable approach that you can take is to accept the existence of a grey zone.

STEP 3 — COPE WITH YOUR EMOTIONS WITHOUT USING FOOD

Distress is part of life and you cannot avoid experiencing it. Among those who binge eat, it is common to be especially sensitive to intense emotions. Therefore, they utilize food as a means to manage their moods, and achieve short-term relief by avoiding or getting rid of negative feelings. It is essential to learn to tolerate and bear up under pain and distress. This means that you become aware of, and accept, yourself and your current situation in a non-judgemental way. This is when distress tolerance and emotion regulation skills are needed.

STEP 4 — IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS

In order to stop bingeing, it’s critical to determine what triggers the binges in the first place. Firstly, consider what your favourite binge foods are. Next, think about what individual purpose they might be serving. What are you feeling when you’re bingeing? Are you feeling frustrated? Anxious? Are you feeling empty? Bored? Once you’ve determined why you’re bingeing, think about ways that you can meet those needs other than with food. For example, if you’re feeling anxious, you could meditate or if you’re feeling bored, you could call up a friend and go for a walk with them.

STEP 5 — GET BACK ON TRACK

It’s unrealistic to think that if you’ve struggled with binge eating for any amount of time, that you’ll be able to stop cold turkey and that it’ll never happen again. If you do experience a lapse and binge, the most important thing that you can do is be compassionate with yourself. Imagine how you would treat a friend if they confided in you that they had binged, and treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding. The second most important thing that you can do is plan your next meal and ensure that it’ll be balanced with a source of protein, carb, and healthy fat. Lastly, take some time to engage in deliberate self care whether it be physical (ex. getting enough sleep), emotional (ex. creating healthy boundaries for yourself), psychological (ex. learning something new), or spiritual (ex. connecting with nature).

Please remember that no matter what your challenges are or how insignificant they may seem at times, they are valid. You deserve to free yourself from obsessive thoughts and worries about food and your body. If you’ve been looking for a sign, this is it. This is the nudge you’ve needed to seek help and to take back control of your life. I offer a 12 week 1:1 coaching program and I have created a course designed to help you beat binge eating & find food freedom. If you have any questions or would like to learn more, please feel free to connect with me on social media or check out my website! I look forward to hearing from you.

Emma Gerrard
Jul, 07, 2020

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