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Dark Chocolate Mint Pudding

This pudding is so rich and fudgy in the best way and it’s so much better than any pudding pack. Dark chocolate is rich in antioxidants but when it’s under 85% it has more added sugar that can start to outweigh its beneficial properties. Brands like Alter Eco, Taza, Theo, Endangered Species, or Eating Evolved all have dark chocolate bars between 85-100% so that you can minimize sugar and boost nutrient density. 

If you’re not used to the bitterness of dark chocolate, don’t worry, the mint adds a peppermint patty flavor and freshness that lends sweetness without sugar. 

This pudding is also great because it uses chia seeds, which are a great source of fiber and omega-3’s, and coconut milk, which is an excellent source of healthy fats. This combo of healthy fats, fiber and antioxidants makes this pudding the perfect option to support gut health, balance hormones and cut down cravings – especially during the holidays.  This recipe is a healthy treat, but don’t let it deter you because it’s pure tasty too.

Ingredient

1 can full-fat coconut milk
1 cup unsweetened almond milk
½ cup fresh mint leaves
1 bar 90% chocolate (approx. 2.5-3 oz)
1 teaspoon coconut sugar or honey (optional)
¼ cup plus 2 tablespoons chia seeds
Pinch of sea salt

Directions

  1. Fill a small saucepan with 2 inches of water. Place a heatproof glass or metal bowl over the saucepan. The bowl should not touch the water. Place over medium high heat for water to come to a simmer.
  2. Add coconut milk, almond milk, and mint to the bowl. Allow milk mixture to come to a gentle simmer and steep the mint for approximately 10-15 minutes. Make sure it does not come to a boil.
  3. Once steeped, taste to make sure the mint has had enough time to infuse. If it’s minty enough for you, use a slotted spoon to scoop out the mint leaves. If you want it mint-ier, let it steep 5-10 more minutes.
  4. Remove bowl from heat and add the chocolate bar (broken into squares) and coconut sugar to the warm milk. Whisk the mixture until the chocolate is melted and fully incorporated. Sprinkle in the chia seeds and whisk until chia seeds are evenly distributed and the chia has started to absorb some of the liquid, about 3 minutes. Cover the bowl with a towel and let sit for 20-30 minutes to allow the chia seeds to fully hydrate.
  5. Once the chia has absorbed the liquid and looks more solid, pour the mixture into a high speed blender. You can tell that the chia has absorbed the milk mixture when the seeds look plump and stick together. There should not be any liquid left on the surface of the mixture. Puree the pudding mixture until very smooth, about 2 minutes. If you don’t have a high speed blender you can skip this step.
  6. Pour mixture into evenly individual cups and top with fresh mint, coconut flakes, cacao nibs or blackberries. Store covered in the refrigerator for up to 5 days – if it lasts that long.
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  • Alanna DeSalvo
  • Nov, 12, 2021

Navigating Non-Toxic Cookware

The holidays are right around the corner and along with that are lots of delicious home-cooked meals, slowing down a bit, and spending time with family and friends. As we give thanks for our health and the health of others, it only seems fitting to talk about how the cookware we are using to create these meals may be contributing to our toxin load. The idea of non-toxic cookware seems tabu, but if you think about it, the materials used to make our cookware are coming in very close contact with the food that we are ingesting. So for this holiday season, we want to educate you on what types of toxins are commonly found in our cookware and what cookware we can use to know that we’re safe.

Common Toxins in Kitchen Pans and Cookware

Let’s take a closer look at some of the toxins that might be lurking in your cookware. Keep in mind, this post is meant to highlight cooking pots, pans, and baking sheets. There are other toxins lurking in water bottles, Tupperware, take home containers, etc. but for the purpose of simplicity, we will save those for another post.

Perfluoroalkyl Substances (PFAs)

Known as ‘forever chemicals’ because they build up in your body and never break down in the environment (yikes!). This class of polymers gives cookware it’s non-stick coating. You may have heard about these popular PFAs below, but these are only 2 of thousands of PFAs that are still used as non-stick coatings. Not only is it important to avoid the chemicals listed below, but it’s also important to head caution when buying anything labeled as “non-stick” as it might contain another type of PFA not listed here, which is still as toxic to our health. These chemicals are labeled as carcinogenic by the International Agency for Research on Cancer. The EWG has some great information to learn more about PFAs.

  • Polytetrafluoroethylene (PTFE) Also trademarked as “Teflon”, this chemical gives cookware a non-stick coating. One of the main concerns with this compound is that when it heats up, we inhale the toxic fumes during cooking. Teflon is possibly carcinogenic and should be avoided in cookware.

  • Until 2013, Perfluorooctanoic Acids (PFOAs) were used as a non-stick coating. They are resistant to water and lipids which make them a frequently used option on various types of cookware. This chemical is linked to cancer, can cause endocrine disruption leading to infertility and weight gain, as well as mental health issues and problems with the liver.

Although these two chemicals have been mostly phased out, most non-stick cookware will still use some type of PFA to achieve that non-stick coating.

If you have non-stick pans now, practice using them safely. Never use metal utensils on them as the coating is more likely to scratch off and be ingested. Store them properly so that the coating doesn’t scratch from rubbing on another pan. Only use it when you’re cooking things on low heat and make sure to run the kitchen exhaust every time you cook.

Aluminum and Copper

Both aluminum and copper can build up in our bodies and create toxicity. The jury is still out as to how bad aluminum and copper are in cookware and how much we’re actually consuming, but we tend to lean toward precautionary principle, which means if it’s not proven safe—it’s best to avoid it. Avoid cooking your turkey in an aluminum pan and opt for a stainless steel pan instead.

  • When we use anodized aluminum or aluminum foil with anything acidic, the aluminum can leach into our food and we can consume it. Aluminum has been linked to neurological disorders, specifically Alzheimers and could be worse for people who may have kidney issues, as they are less likely to process the aluminum.

  • Some copper can be good for us, but if you’re using copper, avoid cooking anything acidic in it, as that has the highest potential for leaching into whatever you are cooking and high levels of copper in the body can cause toxicity.

Lead and Cadmium

Lead and cadmium can be in the coatings of ceramic cookware and should definitely be considered when purchasing glass or enamel products. Both lead and cadmium have been limited in dish-ware but are not very regulated. To avoid these metals in your kitchenware, look for California Prop 65 warnings and avoid buying dish-ware with this warning.

  • There is no safe level of lead and it can cause neurological issues, especially in children who are still developing. Look for options that are “certified lead free” and unglazed—and keep in mind where they are being manufactured. Some countries have stricter lead regulations, where places like China and Mexico do not. An amazing resource to learn about lead in your cookware, dishes, and toys is Lead Safe Mama.

  • Cadmium is a natural metal found in nature and can also be found in the pigments of certain glazes on ceramic dish-ware to create an orange or red pigmentation. Exposure to cadmium can lead to certain neurological disorders and is best avoided.

What to Look for in Safe Kitchen Pans and Cookware

  • Be wary of non-stick pans labeled as “PFOA Free” or free of one of the above chemicals may actually have been replaced with something similar in toxicity, so beware.

  • Consider what the raw material is of the pan. Does this cause harm to your health?

  • Does the pan contain a glaze or enamel? If so, be wary and make sure it doesn’t have a California Prop 65 warning.

  • Is the pan durable? How long will it last? Consider the environment and your pocket book by investing in lifetime pieces as opposed to ones that will end up in the landfill.

Stainless Steel = Safe!

Stainless steel is my top choice for healthy cookware. Not only is it non-toxic, it’s going to last a lifetime. The main concern with stainless steel is clean-ability and the best way to clean your stainless pieces is to use Baking Soda to clean it. Your pans will sparkle like new forever with the right care and maintenance. Also, these pans can become incredibly non-stick with the right oil. My favorite oil to use, specifically when cooking eggs, is coconut oil. Coconut oil creates a nice layer to keep those eggs from sticking to the pan.

Pictured: All-Clad Stainless Steel cookware

Cast Iron and Enameled Cast Iron = Safe!

Cast iron is another great option for cooking! It distributes heat evenly and can be used on both the stove and oven, it’s inexpensive, and when seasoned and maintained properly it is non-stick. It’s best used with non-acidic meals, as the acidity can leach some iron into your food. This can be good or bad depending on your current iron levels. If you’re worried about leaching, enameled cast iron can be a great option as it has all of the same great qualities of cast iron. Pay attention to make sure there’s not a California Prop 65 warning, so you can avoid high levels of lead or cadmium that might be in the glaze and pigmentation of enameled cookware.

Pictured: Lodge cookware

Ceramic Cookware = Safe!

Through body ceramic cookware can be a healthy option as well and works great for many people. Ceramic offers great heat conduction for a nice even cook. Similar to cast iron, it can be used on both the stove and the over. Because it is through-body there is no concern of the coating peeling off over the life of using the product. It does not leach into your food and works well with acidic dishes!

Pictured: Xtrema cookware

Be Cautious of "Green" Cookware and Ceramic Coatings

  • Be wary of companies claiming to be green or “non-toxic”. Alternatives used in replace of the chemicals above don’t always mean “non-toxic”; they might be just as toxic but not have mainstream awareness yet.

  • Ceramic coatings on cookware can wear off easily and only last a couple of years. You may end up buying multiple pans when you could have just invested in one of the high quality options above that will last you a lifetime.

We’re a fan of slowly swapping out our products over time so it’s not as big of an investment to swap to cleaner products for our home. Many of these companies will be having Black Friday sales, so take advantage of those while you can! We wish you a safe, healthy, and happy holiday season!

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  • Ashley Spanovich
  • Nov, 10, 2021

3 Life Lessons I Wish I Learned Earlier in Life

“Youth is wasted on the young.”

I was twenty-something when I first read this quote attributed to both George Bernard Shaw and Oscar Wilde. At the time I didn’t quite comprehend its magnitude, but the words stayed with me.

Today, in my mid-30s, I have my own interpretation of it: it’s not that youth is wasted on the young, it’s that when young people are experiencing situations for the first time, they figure it out as they go—inevitably missing one, two, or a hundred things along the way. Not to mention the poor (ahem, terrible) decision making. Yes, even those of us who thought we had it all planned out.

How naïve, right?

“Can you imagine growing up in a household with parental figures who prioritized their inner work, to break patterns before they reach their kids?”

is what I asked a bestie during one of those long, heartfelt conversations that happen every three to six months. As this conversation evolved, I started thinking about what I would want to say to my younger self as a break-in-case-of-emergency, life starter pack for a young woman.

I’m not saying “to prepare my younger self” because nothing (not even my ‘life starter pack’) can really prepare anyone for life. And even if it could, a young person can easily dismiss another’s learnings because they won’t necessarily relate to their experience. And relatability is key to get through—enter a saying from the Latin American tías (aunties): “Nadie aprende por cabeza ajena.” Which translated from Spanish, means: “Nobody learns from another person’s experience.” We as human beings tend to see things as we are, not as they are. So, regardless of any life lessons I’d love to share with my younger self, she probably wouldn’t have been prepared to receive them. Or to understand them.

She would have appreciated them, though. Just as I hope you will (whether you’re in your early 20s, mid-30s or fab-40s and beyond).

Lesson No. 1

USE YOUR VOICE AND TAKE UP SPACE—UNAPOLOGETICALLY

There’s an old (and machista, and outdated) saying in Spanish: “Calladita te ves más bonita.” Which roughly translates to: “You look prettier when you keep shushed.” I’m not going to dive deep into the many cultural references stemming off of this phrase, which include but aren’t limited to: staying quiet as to avoid judgement of any kind, or offend anyone; staying invisible to avoid standing out and being a target for assault, violence or ridicule, or keeping to yourself because you’re a woman and someone decided that what you have to say doesn’t matter (we know it does, clearly).

Speaking up is a powerful tool for change, for advancement, for influence. History can attest to that.

And using your voice unapologetically means showing up as you really are, regardless of how you’ll be perceived by others. It shows the humanity in you, it shatters the idealization and illusion of perfection of what a woman should be. Anyone else remember being told some variation of: “Girls don’t sit like that,” or “Women don’t talk like that”? I do.

For many years I didn’t use my voice. In school, I lowered it because I was worried I’d get into trouble for (respectfully) voicing any disagreement against authority. And the overwhelming fear of being made fun of by sharing my opinion, or the shame of giving a wrong answer in class—whoosh! That was a horror movie right there.

Later in life this evolved into a fear of not being liked, or being tagged as difficult, intense, and any other negative adjective. This was the beginning of me becoming a people pleaser (now in recovery, yay).

It took me years to understand three things:

  1. That everyone has an opinion about everything.

  2. That I can’t control how people perceive me (what I say, what I do, etc.)

  3. That the only way to avoid judgement or avoid offending anyone was to stay still and barely breathe.

When I realized the alternative resembled a scene in a horror movie, where the main character is hiding in a closet, panicking over whether or not the serial killer would find her, I made a choice.

I wanted to live life, not merely exist in it. And using my voice, and taking up space are powerful ways of living fully. I was so driven by what people would think of me (and wanting those thoughts to be positive), that censoring myself became the rule, not the exception.

Today I remind you to live out loud, and stay true to who you are. #youdoyou.

Lesson No. 2

THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

I remember listening to a song by Travis called Side, with a chorus that started: “The grass is always greener on the other side…” and I thought to myself that it described perfectly our collective dissatisfaction with the present and idealization of the future. And to add a dash of context: this phrase is colloquially used to express how much more appealing that thing we don’t have is vs. the one we do have.

Grabbing my safety pin to burst your bubble—it’s not greener anywhere else. Or in another moment in time. The grass in which you’re standing is as green as you decide it is today (and mindful that all life situations are different, take what you can relate to and dismiss the rest).

From a young age, we’re prompted to associate happiness and ‘better things’ to the attainment of a future goal; to believe that we’ll be happy when we get into that school, graduate from that program, get that job, get married, become a parent, lose the weight, go on that trip, get that better job—and the list goes on.

And it’s true, achieving these definitely causes enormous joy, especially when we’ve worked so hard and waited so long for them. But these are the big things, the milestones.

What about the micro moments of joy happening every day? The ones sparked by the feelings of gratitude that arise when we stop and pay attention; when we’re living in the present moment.

I consider being mindful as one of the major factors to develop a journey filled with consistent contentment vs. looking forward to the next milestone and missing all that joy taking place in the meantime.

It’s both beautiful and necessary to have something to look forward to. Just remember to pay attention and to enjoy the life happening while you wait.

And on that note, may I remind you that life is what’s happening as I’m typing these words, and as you’re reading them? Life is what happens in between the cracks of the good, the bad, the thrilling, the heartbreaking.

It’s the joke you shared with your partner in the kitchen over a glass of wine, while making dinner. It’s realizing your kid is growing up from that conversation you had before putting them to bed. It’s playing board games with your family on a random Tuesday, or the candid conversations with your girlfriends at the world’s most rescheduled brunch date.

Living a fulfilling life starts with you. It starts with your perspective and perception of the highs and the lows. Then you adjust accordingly, sprinkling some gratitude here and there to manage feeling the feels when the living gets tough.

Your grass is at its greenest now. Here.

Lesson No. 3

LOOK TO BELONG, NOT (ONLY) TO FIT IN

Growing up and being the odd one out wasn’t anyone’s first choice. It happened by exclusion. And I did not want to be excluded, I wanted to fit in. As I shared in the first lesson, I wanted to be liked. I steered away from conflict, confrontation and any of their variations.

Even if I believe that self-approval is the one that counts the most, because it’s the hardest to get (in my experience) it’s only human to want, and need, some form of external validation.

From my point of view, and you are super welcome to disagree (look at me all promoting respectful confrontations), the difference between belonging and fitting in is how much of yourself you have to leave out. And that’s the thing—I don’t want to leave anything out (Ok, maybe I’ll leave some things out, but not those that make me…well, me).

So, let’s compare and contrast.

Belonging is where you fit in without any changes; being your most authentic self. Fitting in is when you are showing up wearing a different version of you, to appeal to a specific group. And you do this by way of hiding, removing or choosing not to disclose parts of your true self—included but not limited to ideas, lifestyle, and other forms of expression.

Let me paint a picture (as usual). Imagine you’re staring at a baby-blocks shape-sorter toy. You know, the kind where you have a circle, a star, a triangle and other shapes, with matching holes in said shapes. Got it? Amazing.

Fitting in is like trying to get the star shape to go into the circle-shaped hole. You’d need to make some trimming adjustments to the star block for it to get in. You’d have to change its original form. Belonging is like getting that same star into its star-shaped hole. It was meant to be there. It belongs.

Before putting on another version of yourself, why not assess your reasons for wanting to fit in…without belonging?

Reflecting on Your Life Lessons

If any of these resonate with you, I encourage you to write your own life lessons to your younger self (or to your future or existing kids). It can even be through a journaling prompt: “Three things I’m grateful to know now, that I wish I’d known sooner”, or “three learnings that changed my life”.

Self-awareness can be super powerful, and at times underrated. Tapping into your life learnings (because you are a wise soul) can help remind you where you started, and how far you’ve come.

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  • Jit Garcia
  • Nov, 09, 2021

Living With Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Ever crossed paths with someone who displays narcissistic tendencies? These people tend to leave a lasting impression, maybe even a deficient bank account or a wake of broken relationships, but almost always coming with both an extreme depletion of energy and a sense of unrelenting confusion. Once you recognize that you have invited a narcissist into your experience, your life will never quite be the same.

What are the Signs of Living with a Narcissist?

When you live with someone with untreated narcissistic personality disorder, you are living with someone who is unstable. They cannot regulate their own emotions. They go up and down and they insist that you go up and down with them.


Something small can trigger them—suddenly they are enraged, and usually at you. If you do not immediately apologize and act as if the whole thing is your fault, their fragile ego will cause them to escalate the fight. You become the enemy. They will then double down on the idea that it is all your fault and try to punish you for it.


If you are in a long-term relationship with a narcissist (even a platonic one) at best your life will be a series of waves that you will have to emotionally surf.

 

How Disappointment Ensues When You're in a Relationship with a Narcissist

No matter how much you try, no matter how good you are, you will periodically get devalued, mistreated, and threatened. Things will be going great one moment, then suddenly your narcissistic partner will get triggered and you are no longer surfing, you are underwater drowning.


The longer you live with a narcissist, the more you are likely to exhaust yourself trying to stay optimistic. After a while, your narcissistic partner’s pattern will become extremely and sickeningly obvious. No matter how well things appear to be going, it can all change in a second and become truly heart or gut wrenching—like walking into a room and being sucker-punched. This experience can be quite disheartening because, other than leaving, there is nothing you can do to make your home life stable and emotionally safe.

Who do Narcissists Choose as Their Partners?

Narcissists are often in a relationship with codependent and boundary-less people—those with incredibly emotional empathy and a background of abuse. The narcissist’s need for control over their partners stems from their own abusive or neglectful childhood where they did not have any control themselves.


So if you ever try to communicate your needs in the relationship by speaking up or being assertive, a narcissist will start with the silent treatment as if they are the victim, until you back down. They want to make all the decisions in the relationship while you observe and watch, using defensiveness, excuses, stonewalling, or gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse. This is all used to manipulate you. And because you come from a background of abuse, you tolerate and even normalize their behaviors towards you, and everyone else.


Having a relationship with a narcissist will also create a constant state of inner confusion and exhaustion. You are simultaneously drained of your energy while also questioning your self-worth. No matter what you do, it will never be enough; they will always find a way to criticize you one way or the other, until you give up and truly believe that you are not good enough, loveable, or worthy.


Defeated, you will feel like everything is your fault and often apologize for nothing. Being with a narcissist will also make you feel like the narcissist—as they will accuse you of being irrational, difficult, crazy, or wrong, make you second guess or feel guilty for your choices. Narcissists lack emotional empathy; therefore, their constant taunting behavior takes a significant toll on your mental health.

The Delusional Trap To Avoid

It is very common for both narcissists and their partners to both find themselves disappointed and rather shocked that everything is not going as expected in the relationship. The psychological term used to describe this phenomenon is called cognitive dissonance.

First of all, narcissists are so delusional and dishonest that they play themselves along with their partner. Whenever they meet a new romantic interest they think this time around it will all be different. This person will finally make them happy and lift their fragile self-esteem and ego, making them feel good about themselves all the time.

So the narcissist puts their best foot forward and says all the right things. They act sweet, attentive, and considerate. This isn’t necessarily fake. They truly feel that you are perfect for them and that they have a real chance at a long lasting relationship with you.

The problem is that they lack the skills needed to handle a real relationship. So as soon as the relationship tests them through any disagreements and misunderstandings that naturally transpire, they aren’t able to navigate their negative emotions maturely. If you are paying close attention, this is the time they start to reveal their true colors.

This is when they start to play games. Instead of communicating their feelings directly and authentically, they resort to manipulations in order to control, influence, exploit, provoke, and punish the person of interest. If they can’t play the source the way they want and the source sees right through their perverted pretenses and calls them out, they typically pull the plug and disappear in true coward fashion.

Narcissists are bored, weak, and lazy. Yes, initially they believe they got lucky to have found someone good looking, kind, and intelligent. However, they lack the skills to keep up the facade for any extended periods of time.

What are Some Narcissistic Traits to Look for?

  • A sense of entitlement

  • Takes you for granted

  • A need to be in control

  • A lack of emotional empathy

  • Never apologizes

  • Justified in their rage and blame

  • Extreme self-centeredness

  • Gives only with a goal

  • Grandiosity

  • Poor impulse control

  • Requires constant affirmation and adoration

How Is Narcissism Created?

Narcissists are created in loveless homes, by loveless families, where the child is just an extension of the parent. Often competing with their children, the narcissistic parent likes to also play favorites—showing outrageous favor to one child while over-punishing the other. The idea is to constantly cause division amongst the children so they won’t gang up on the parent. The child also never experiences love from this parent without conditions, and lives in a home where children are to blame for everything that is wrong.

Disproportionate Punishment and Treatment

If we have a childhood where our parents love us despite our flaws, we are punished proportionally to our bad behavior, and it feels like our parents still respect, love us, and want us to be safe. We are able to comprehend and understand that our mother, who punishes us, and the one who is nice to us, are the same person. As we grow up and mature, we also learn to integrate the good and bad parts in ourselves into one stable, realistic person.

However, if our parents aren’t able to see us realistically, and instead treat us as all good or all bad, we will not have the ability to learn how to see good and bad within a whole person. It’s called whole object relations. If you don’t have it, you see other people as either all good, or all bad. And you will see yourself as all good or all bad.

All-Good = They see the person as perfect, special, flawless, high status, idealizable, and entitled to special treatment.

All-Bad = They see the person as defective, inadequate, worthless garbage, low status, fair game for devaluation and abuse, and entitled to nothing.

If you do not have whole object relations, you will not have object constancy either, because object constancy depends on being able to see both sides of a person at once. Object constancy is the ability to maintain the big-picture of your whole relationship, especially the good parts and good feelings towards someone, when you are angry, hurt, frustrated, or physically distant from the person.

For instance, during a fight, once someone with narcissistic personality disorder gets angry with you, they will immediately see you as all-bad and ‘forget’ their past positive feelings for you—or explain them away as mistakes in an attempt to resolve the discrepancy between their current feelings towards you and any past positive feelings. Their reasoning can look something like this: “You are a terrible person and so mean to me. If I ever said otherwise, it was because I was taken in by how ‘nice’ you were acting at the time.”

Narcissists can say something as nonsensical as the above because they do not realize that they have not yet developed the capacity to form an integrated view of people—something that most other people learn by the age of 6. Therefore, they have to rationalize away the inconsistency between their current view of you and their past view because they can only alternate between seeing you as either all-good or all-bad.

Fast Forward to Adulthood

At the start of a new relationship, narcissists may see their new person as flawless. Then, as they see the person act in ways that do not perfectly fit the picture of their ideal life, or start to notice the person’s normal human flaws, they may try and deal with their disillusionment in some of the following ways:

  • Accusations

    Instead of realizing that they were expecting too much and adjusting their expectations to fit the reality, they accuse the other person of deceiving them or having bad intentions. “I thought you were so nice, but now I see you fooled me and were acting the whole time.”

  • Controlling Behavior

    They try to force their partner to change to be more in line with their initial beliefs about what they were like. “You would look hotter if you wore this outfit instead.”

  • Threats

    When their partner does not go along with their requests or holds different ideas, they may try and bully them into compliance. “You will be very, very sorry if you keep up that behavior.”

  • Devaluation

    They try to motivate their partner to change by trying to convince them that whatever they are doing or thinking is wrong, stupid, ignorant, and worthless. “Nobody with any intelligence would ever say what you just said.”

  • Punishments

    They feel entitled to punish their partner for not complying with their wishes. “I am not taking you out for dinner as planned because you are making me so angry.”

What Is Really Going On?

In many ways, narcissists are emotionally and cognitively stuck at a childlike state of development. They still see themselves as the center of the world, cannot conceive that other people can have a valid point of view that differs from their own, and do not understand that it is unreasonable to expect other people to empathically intuit all their needs. They may have a high IQ and be brilliant at their job, but in many ways their view of people and relationships is not equal.

When narcissists are emotionally triggered, they only focus on how they feel in the moment. People with narcissistic personality disorder are usually focused on their current thoughts and feelings, not how they felt twenty minutes ago or how they might feel in the future. Once something triggers a strong negative or positive response, that reaction takes center stage. Narcissists then act as if their current emotional state and way of thinking is all there is and will last forever.

Thus, if you are dating someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, when your lover feels great about you, he or she may start making plans for the future with you—even though the two of you hardly know each other. “Let’s go to Rome together. I can’t wait to show you my favorite restaurant.” Then something you do triggers a negative reaction and suddenly those plans are history, leaving you in a state of confusion.

What did I do Wrong?

Most of us believe that when someone loves us they will do or feel some of the following:

  • They will try to avoid hurting you

  • They will care about your feelings

  • They will empathize with you

  • When you feel unhappy, they will try to soothe you or cheer you up

  • They will not lie to you

  • They will take your side in an argument with other people

  • They will not devalue you to other people behind your back

  • They will try and keep their promises to you

  • They will be sexually and emotionally faithful to you if the two of you agree to be in a monogamous relationship

After the courtship period is over, if you are in love with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and believe that they love you (whether you know their actual diagnosis or not), you are likely to find that the person’s actual behavior violates your belief system. This puts you in the position of having cognitive dissonance.

So, what do you do now?

At that point, most partners of narcissists use one or more of the following psychological defenses to try and diminish their cognitive dissonance without having to leave the relationship. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list, just some of the more common ways people deal with this type of contradictory information:

  • Denial

    They refuse to believe the new information. “He would never cheat on me. He loves me.”

  • Rationalization

    They make excuses that minimize the importance of the behavior. “She was drunk when she called me those vile names. That is not likely to ever happen again.”

  • Blaming Oneself

    Preserving the other person’s basic goodness by taking the blame for their bad behavior. “It was really my fault. I provoked him.”

  • Normalization

    They comfort themselves with the idea that the behavior or attitude is normal. “Everyone loses their temper occasionally.”

How Can You Walk Away from A Narcissist for Good?

What many people don’t realize is that the people we engage with will always mirror who we are on the inside. They reflect our insecurities, self-doubts, tendencies to over give, and feelings of unworthiness. However, once you learn the (sometimes very loud) lessons these types of relationships provide, you can heal to a depth you may not have known existed.

  • Identify if you are in a toxic relationship and seek support to show you how to navigate, or potentially end it.

  • Release ties and energetic cords to free yourself from toxic relationships, as well as any and all karmic ties, contracts or agreements.

  • Stop living for the expectations of others and recalibrate to your own needs.

  • Heal to the core and permanently release patterns that do not serve you.

  • Embrace empowerment and self-confidence.

  • Learn to trust yourself and your guidance system to be your own most reliable and consistent ally.

Now, show them that everything they thought they knew about you was a miscalculation. They thought you would never put your foot down and say no to them? Refuse something really important that they are asking for, and do not budge.

They thought you would always place more importance on their well-being than on your own? Show them that if they are headed in the direction of their own demise, you will help walk them to their next stop.

They thought you would never have the ability to leave them and make it on your own? Show them that life goes on without their help and create a life without them.

Being in a relationship with a person who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, formally diagnosed or not, can be incredibly confusing and difficult to navigate. It can trigger feelings of low self-worth, doubt, confidence, and can make you question everything about yourself and your current circumstances. But once you can recognize the person for what they are and how they got there, you can begin to set clear and firm boundaries for yourself and move forward in any way that is in your best interests.

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  • Andrea Firpo
  • Oct, 26, 2021

How to Connect to Your Chakras

Have you ever heard of the chakra system? Or perhaps you hear a lot about ‘opening up our third eye’ or ‘clearing our energy’? There is so much to the chakra system to understand and there are simple tools to help us connect to them at home.

Our body is made up of energy centers and points, known as chakras. Imagine them as spinning disks of energy that can stay open and aligned as they spin. They correspond to bundles of nerves, organs, and areas of our energetic body that affect our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

There are seven main chakras in the body that are referred to within many spiritual practices. These chakras align along your spine, from your sacrum to the crown of your head. With each chakra, there is a corresponding area of the body, color, number, name, mantras, and health focus. When energy becomes stuck or stagnant in our body, our chakras may become blocked. Energy can become stagnant from physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual forces. As chakras are blocked, they fall out of balance and begin to stop spinning.

By beginning to understand the chakra system, you can intentionally work with your chakras to bring balance back to your mind, body, soul and spirit.

7 Main Chakras

  • ROOT CHAKRA: The first chakra is located at the base of the Spine. It is the building block for the chakra system connecting childhood, family, basic needs, safety, and security. Color: RED

  • SACRAL CHAKRA: The second chakra is located below the navel. It connects us to ourselves, divine feminine (regardless of gender), our body, and relationships with others. It opens our creativity, emotional expression, passion and pleasure. Color: ORANGE

  • SOLAR PLEXUS CHAKRA: The third chakra is located right below the ribs in the abdomen. It holds your sense of self and personal power, moving through life with confidence and conscious decisions. Color: YELLOW

  • HEART CHAKRA: The fourth chakra is located in the heart space. It opens you to love and compassion for others and self, to your wholeness within and is the seat of your soul. Color: GREEN

  • THROAT CHAKRA: The fifth chakra is located at the base of the throat. It gives voice to your self-expression, communication, and authentic self. It is the bridge between your physical self and higher self. Color: BLUE

  • THIRD EYE CHAKRA: The sixth chakra is located right between the eyebrows. It is your center of inner vision, place of intuition, and soul knowledge allowing you to trust yourself and the wisdom of life. Color: PURPLE/INDIGO

  • CROWN CHAKRA: The seventh chakra is located at the crown of the head. It is our connection to the collective consciousness and the spiritual world beyond. We are able to connect to our highest self and higher power of the universe.⁣ Color: CLEAR/WHITE (encompassing the rainbow)

Where your focus goes, energy flows. When bringing your awareness to your chakras, you allow yourself to connect to your chakras. By clearly setting an intention to connect, you begin to send energy with just one action. I have three favorite tools to connect and keep balance flowing within the chakra system: Affirmations, Movement, and Color. These simple tools can be done in just a matter of minutes, and allow you to bridge the connection between your mind and body, which strengthens your chakras natural state.

Affirmations

Repeating affirmations directs healing energy to restore balance and flow to your body, while rewiring the subconscious mind. We’ve all heard how powerful affirmations are to shift the power of our mind, but they also can be directed to boost chakras. Affirmations specific to each chakra work with the health focus of that chakra’s strengths, clear its imbalances, and allows you to tap into your power. Repeat affirmations out loud 3-times a day in the mirror for as many days as you feel called.

Root Chakra Affirmations:

I am grounded. 

Abundance flows to me with ease. 

I am safe

Sacral Chakra Affirmations:

I am creative.

My emotions flow freely.

I trust and honor my body.

Solar Plexus Chakra Affirmations:

I am empowered.

I release self-doubt.

I am worthy.

Heart Chakra Affirmations:

I am whole.

I choose forgiveness and compassion.

I am loved, loving, and lovable.

Throat Chakra Affirmations:

I am authentic.

I speak my truth.

I honor my feelings

Third Eye Chakra Affirmations:

I am intuitive.

I live in alignment with my purpose.

I trust my inner guidance.

Crown Chakra Affirmations:

I am limitless.

I am divinely guided.

I am connected to my highest self.

Movement

Movement is a form of release. When energy is stuck in the body, thoughtful movement opens up space for that energy to move. These movements are meant to be held and thought of as stretches, not rigorous, but rather, to open up the areas of your body correlated with your chakras, to connect with your body, and drop into all parts of yourself. When energy is given space to release, you’d be surprised what can come to the surface. Do each pose for a few minutes, and hold, taking long deep breaths. Close your eyes. Give yourself permission to just be.

Root Chakra:

Child’s pose

Mountain pose

Sacral Chakra:

Goddess pose

Pigeon pose

Solar Plexus Chakra:

Warrior I pose

Warrior II pose

Heart Chakra:

Cat/Cow pose

Prayer pose

Throat Chakra:

Cobra pose

Lion pose

Third Eye Chakra:

Lotus pose

Forward fold pose

Crown Chakra:

Savasana pose

Rabbit pose

Color

Associating each color with its corresponding chakra is another great way to strengthen your subconscious mind’s connection to each energy center. Colors play a vital role in our day to day. We can weave colors into our daily lives in many different ways, from the colors we surround ourselves with to the food we eat. Here are some simple yet highly effective ways to bring colors into your daily practices!

  • Eat for your chakras: We’ve all heard the term eat the rainbow before. This applies for the chakras system as well. Looking to boost your personal power? Eat golden yellow foods. Rich, nutrient dense whole foods can boost your chakras natural abilities.

  • Dress for the chakras: Wear the color of the chakra you want to connect to. This will allow you to connect to the energy of that chakra all day.

  • Crystals for spiritual healing: Boost your meditation practice with crystals for the chakras. Crystals carry high vibrational energy and can be amplified during meditative states, or by simply carrying them with you in your pocket. While not all crystals correspond by color for each chakra, many do!

Connecting to your chakras and energy is a practice. When we begin to become more aware of our energy and how our mind, body, soul, and spirit send us information, we understand more. As you feel energy stuck in your body and what emotion or feeling arises, your awareness allows you to bridge the connection to that chakra. With your newfound awareness and knowledge, you can bring in practices to connect to your chakras. Understanding is where you begin to take intentional action to clear and align your chakras. All it takes is one intention to begin to connect with your chakras. Let us know how it feels!

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  • Alexa Sharwell
  • Oct, 21, 2021

How to Heal Past Incarnations with Hypnosis

When we choose to heal past incarnations through the practice of Hypnosis, we begin to find that resolution comes in many forms. Our understanding of our soul evolution is expanded; we gain a higher perception of why we may do the things we do and really dig into why we feel the way we feel. This greater perspective gives way to Karmic Healing. A great example of this would be someone who has experienced abandonment in a past life, and their soul never healed, found self resiliency, and/or found faith or trust in others or themselves. Until addressed, this fear has the potential to perpetuate subconscious worry into future incarnations. When we practice healing past lives from a quantum perspective, we allow healing to occur in all timelines, universes, and realities. This ends the cycle of fear and abandonment and invites a sense of security and inner trust.

What is Hypnotic Regression Therapy?

Hypnotic Regression Therapy is a process of experiencing memories (both in this life and other lives) in a transcendent state in order to find insight and recover from complex events. Now, I know that may sound vague, so let’s expand a bit. To start, let’s look at what trance is.

Our brain cycles through different wave patterns all the time. The Beta state, which cycles at 12 to 38 cycles per second, is active during awakened cognizance. It produces conscious thought and logical thinking. The alpha state cycles 8 to 12 cycles per second, creating the ideal conditions to learn new information, accomplish tasks, study languages, and analyze complicated situations. The Theta State, cycling at 4 to 8 cycles per second, allows for transcendent, hypnotic, and meditative environments within the body. This cultivates creativity, stress reduction, restfulness and enables us to examine our interior worlds. Exploring everything from intuition and emotional thoughts to holistic perceptions and higher consciousness.

To induce a Theta State, hypnotists use something called an induction. This is a story of sorts that brings one out of the mind, releasing critical thinking and judgment into the body, embracing possibilities and emotional expression to make a permanent change on a subconscious level. An induction can involve breath work, visualization, mental confusion, kinesthetic prompts, eye fixation, etc.

Even deeper, we have Delta brainwaves with a pattern of 1 to 4 cycles per second. The Delta State is associated with deep sleep, dreams, and Hypnosis. It is the realm of the subconscious mind and the gateway to the collective unconscious. The information that is held here is not available at the conscious level. A lot of extraordinary work can be done at this deep level of Hypnosis.

So, now that we know what trance looks like in the light and deep states, let’s look at Hypnotic Regression Therapy. For this, I am going to give you two examples. One is focused around a past incarnation, and one is focused on a present embodiment.

Let’s say in this life, you have always felt as though you didn’t belong. You felt it to be true in social settings, your home setting, and your work setting. There’s this innate feeling of not belonging in this world or of this world. Hypnotic Regression Therapy allows you to return home through an incarnation that feels more familiar to you than the one you currently embody. This connection brings peace and wisdom. It allows you to resonate with where and when you felt at home and helps you come to terms with the purpose you have in this life, on this planet. Our work is focused on healing the soul and bringing acceptance into the current energy and incarnation.

Now, let’s explore the current incarnation process; you were bullied a lot as a young child. This criticism then causes you to people please and diminishes your self-confidence. Hypnotic Regression Therapy would allow you to return to the very first time you were ever bullied and reframe the memory by giving the younger version of you all the insight and wisdom of your adult self.

By this point, you may be thinking, “Okay, yeah… So we revisit memories, but how is that different from assessing recollections in my mind right now?” When in the Trace, we don’t just remember; we revisit and step into our memories fully associated, as though they are happening in real-time, and these memories that are experienced are 100% true to the individual. What this means is that each memory is perceived by how we remember them, not always to the absolute truth. That being said, your truth of memory is all that is needed for your healing. Just know that others may remember the situation differently. This is because memories are faulty and differ from person to person due to perception, age, emotional intelligence, miscommunication, and emotional involvement in the situation.

What is the Difference Between Guiding and Leading?

To guide is to help you get to a destination, whereas leading implies giving you the destination. An example of this is the induction during a Hypnosis session. This has a lot of leading; however, it has a purpose. By telling you to imagine your foot is covered in warm water on a beautiful beach, you are using visualization, imagining what it would feel like to feel the warm water against your skin, and you begin to relax your mind and enter a Trance. However, once the induction is done and we get into the body of the work, everything explored should come from your mind, thoughts, and feelings. For example, if we explore a past life and tell you that you are a man in 4500 BCE, that would be leading, and we would quickly move into imaginary dream worlds rather than memory. Your mind should fill in the blanks, not the Hypnotist. Once we get into the body of the work, the “W” questions who, what, when, where, and why will always guide the client to find their own answers. As we transition into the body of the work, the Hypnotist should move into guiding. The vocabulary for this would look something like “as you open the door to a past life in which you are ready to revisit, I want you to tell me what you see, hear, feel and experience.” and then follow up with the “W” questions. This is guiding.

What Happens in a Past Life Regression?

In a Past Life Regression (PLR), one of the most important steps is to set up a peaceful place before bringing the soul back in time. During regression, most people have emotional abreactions. This is normal and can vary from sadness and loss to hysterical crying and anger. This is a critical point in the session. These emotions must be brought up in order to heal the emotional wounds attached to these memories. As soon as a Hypnotist notices abreactions and has the key to metaphorically unlock healing, the client is brought back to their peaceful place (which was set up at the beginning of the session) where they can process recenter before addressing the situation head-on. This gives the client opportunities to take breaks during intense, emotionally challenging sessions.


Another aspect of PLR is the transition techniques used from the induction to the body of the work. While some Hypnotists use the hall of doors, each door leading to a different life, others use the time tunnel, which directs you to a point in time that your soul is ready to revisit, and some use the bridge of time to connect the soul from one realm to another. Many techniques exist that will connect you with a past life; however, there is a caveat. You do not get to choose what life you go back to unless you have visited it before. The first time visiting a past incarnation must be the soul’s choice, so you cannot be led there by ego or thought. However, if you have explored past lives on the soul’s terms, knowing you went wherever you needed to go, you may return to those lives with intention. The reason for this is to make sure false memories aren’t created.


For example, someone who feels they were a witch in a past life in 1200 CE may want to explore if that is true. But by saying the words “now I’d like for you to journey back to 1200 CE, to the life when you were a witch” without truly knowing if this is true or false, can create a memory out of imagination. The wording in Hypnosis is precise and must be held with great value to serve the clients with integrity. Whatever the client experiences are held as truth, as long as the experience was brought about from their own conceptual memory.

How is Resolution Found at the End of a Session?

Once in the body of the work and after the client has shown an abreaction, we have a greater understanding of the memory and the emotions attached, giving insight into what must be healed. The resolution that the client seeks can be found through Gestalt Therapy and Informed Child Technique.

Gestalt Therapy is a process of role-playing that aids the resolution of past conflicts. This could look like an argument, and from your perspective, you feel hurt and disappointed, but when given the opportunity to put yourself in others’ shoes, you recognize the pain they were in and how much they feel guilty for what they have done. This process broadens the mind’s perspective and helps us identify the humanness in everyone and that we are not the only ones with struggles. It does not mean the client will forgive the other person for what they have done, but it does give the client an understanding of the big picture and how their view may be a sliver of what’s really going on. It also allows the client to say anything they need to, to this person, without repercussions or disturbances. This kind of release in the safety of your mind, knowing you have a guide and a peaceful place to go to if things get rough, creates an ideal environment for healing change to occur.

The second is the Informed Child Technique. This process transforms the root cause of a subconscious experience in childhood, either in this life or another. It allows the client to come face to face with their younger selves and re-parent their inner child from their adult perspective. This can completely transform all limiting beliefs and behaviors associated with the issue at hand.

Before the end of a session, several things must be completed and released before bringing the client out of Hypnosis. For starters, the client must forgive themselves for carrying the hurt (anger, fear, shame, etc.) and let it go. They must release the energetic attachment they have to the perpetrator(s) for what they did and hand over the outcome to the hands of Karma. There must be confirmation that the event has been emotionally, physically, and spiritually released, not only for themselves but any person(s) involved. The Hypnotist must also double-check whether there is anything else to discover and release before moving into subconscious relearning. If there is more to address, the Hypnotist should either proceed to the compounding event or, if there is no more time left in the session, do so in the next session. Checking and rechecking through the session for release is very important and gives both the client and practitioner the assurance that resolution has been found and can be integrated.

After confirming the release of the event(s) that caused the client’s presenting problem, it’s crucial to empower the subconscious mind to accept the desired changes. This goes into the habit of having a habit. We may emotionally be ready to let go; however, if we are used to feeling a certain way all our lives, this habit could overrule the emotional release. The client must believe that their results are permanent. This can be done by asking, “As a result of what you have uncovered and released, how will you most benefit in the here and now or the coming days, weeks and months in this life and the next?” or “Now that you have released (state clients problem), what new insights or understandings do you have?”. These questions provoke the client to explore breaking the habit and bringing in a future-focused goal since healing the past.


Healing past lives with Hypnosis is highly beneficial to anyone who feels energetic or subconscious holds have been brought over from a past life. It’s also a great way to understand the evolution of your soul and explore what other souls you continue to reincarnate with.

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  • Emily Rose Wheeler
  • Oct, 21, 2021

Restoring and Maintaining Balance with These 4 Pillars

Regardless of the different life scenarios any of us might be experiencing right now; it only takes a few minutes of Insta-scrolling to realize that many people (including myself) are struggling to find our own versions of balance.

And creating that type of harmonic stability—the mind, body and soul kind—depends on the mix of habits you’ve cultivated, the whereabouts of your attention, and the extent of your self-awareness.

Read along to find out how I manage to keep some balance when the juggling act that is life has me riding the unicycle and attempting to catch all balls mid-air. Inevitably something will fall. This is how I try to avoid that ‘something,’ to be me (keyword: try).

Paying Attention

It took me living at the edge of burnout to consciously choose change. Because no matter what anyone tells me, I believe change doesn’t happen unless you make it happen. Unless you need it to happen. Or, when you’re forced into it. For example, when life yells: “Plot Twist!”…and that’s that.

I was working over 12 hours a day, traveling—on average—once a month, I was losing my hair, and losing the regularity of my period while being on the pill, which was an alarming red flag (yes, pun intended). And for the first time in my career of almost ten years at that point, I dreaded going to work.

At this moment I realized something had to change. Since I didn’t know exactly what or how to start, I decided to pay attention to all the signs (and online ads) leading me to this thing called Health Coaching. Training to become a Health Coach, to be precise.

If you knew me, you’d know I’m a sucker for certifications—so, without thinking I’d ever put any of this to practice on other people—I enrolled in the one-year program. I read the reviews, checked out the curriculum, and devoured the success stories of people who were living a kind of life I never knew existed.

On one hand, I didn’t picture myself setting up a health coaching practice and leaving behind the blessed corporate path I was clearly meant for (let’s take a moment to appreciate the sarcastic tone). On the other one, this program seemed promising enough to get me started in prioritizing my overall well-being. And, bonus! I’d end up with another diploma for the collection.

Understanding Primary Foods

If I had to sum up my experience in four words, I’d say: Health Coaching healed me.

I credit this training for awakening my self-awareness and for giving me the tools (and inner motivation) to find my way to wellness—mind, body and soul.

Early in the program I learned about two key pillars rooted in the Health Coaching philosophy as taught by the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN)—the concepts of Primary Food and Secondary Food. To be honest, I thought primary foods meant macronutrients (you know, your carbs, proteins, fats) and secondary foods meant micronutrients (your vitamins and minerals). Maybe you’re thinking that too, which is absolutely fine. In this context, secondary foods refer to all that with which we nourish our bodies. And primary foods refer to everything that feeds our soul.

Today, I’m rolling out the red carpet for Primary Foods.
 
As usual, let me grab my imaginary brush and paint you a picture: Imagine you know someone who eats kale by the pound, who has a mix of blood and green juice running through her veins, and who never misses a HIIT class. In fact, if you Google “healthy person”, her picture shows up.
 
However, what you see on the outside doesn’t match the inside. She feels miserable most of the time, is a human magnet for toxic relationships and deeply dislikes her job. And with stress keeping her up at night, her mind is foggy and scattered. She’s at that unfortunate place where the negative self-talk is loud and the self-compassion is low.

Turning to Self-Awareness

Nurturing the soul is just as important as feeding the body (fingers crossed you’re thinking to yourself: “Yas it is!”). Primary foods can look different for everyone, and can entail the likes of: creativity, personal finance, career, continuing education, physical activity, relationships, social life, joy, spirituality, rest & recovery, and so on. This said, and dismissing the obvious—one size fits none. You might consider other areas that are key to your life which aren’t listed here, or maybe you relate to all of the above.

When discussing primary foods and their impact in an individual’s overall wellbeing, there are four priority pillars to keep in mind. I tend to prioritize these, and then I move on to other areas I need to take care of. Think of them as paintings on the wall of a hallway you walk by every day. It’s only when you stop and stare that you realize one of them is crooked and needs some straightening up.

  1. RELATIONSHIPS

    Life is based on the relationships that we keep; with our loved ones (our partner, family, friends), with our work besties (colleagues, leaders, clients) and the most important one: the relationship you keep with yourself. Take some time to evaluate which relationships are nurturing, which are not, and which require extra attention or even a few boundaries.

  2. CAREER AND WORK

    Generally speaking, we spend half of our lives, or more, working. If we love what we do, be it as entrepreneurs, or being part of a company that inspires us, and where we do meaningful work that fills our lives with purpose—amazing! We’re all set. But what if that’s not the case? If we don’t find a way to love what we’re currently doing, and to motivate ourselves to do it every day until we find our ‘dream job’ or change careers, how do you think this would feel? Turn off the autopilot and try to explore if there’s any part of your work that’s causing an increased discomfort threatening to disrupt your version of balance.

  3. MOVEMENT AND PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

    Considering the myriad of research-backed benefits attributed to physical activity, and movement in general, it makes sense (to me, at least) that this is one of the four priority pillars attributed to Primary Foods. Think about it: do you notice the difference in your mood, your mind and your energy before and after your yoga practice or spinning class, or HIIT workout? I do—and it’s remarkable. How often are you moving lately? In my experience, even a five-minute walk outside helps clear my mind and add some perspective. Especially when I’ve been glued to my desk for hours. Currently, movement holds an exceptional place in my self-care toolbox.

  4. SPIRITUALITY

    Spirituality can be perceived differently by everyone. It can be special and deeply personal, or it can be awkward or distant depending on the person. For some folks, spirituality is the connection they feel with themselves. For others, it’s more connected to their faith, or it’s going to church or to the temple they consider sacred according to their beliefs. And for others, it can be meditation, prayer, mindful breath and so on. For me, it’s a mix of the above. When I lose the connection with myself, I start to live on autopilot—so, I turn to meditation. When I start making decisions out of fear, I know it’s time to fortify my faith. And when I’m feeling all over the place I turn to mindful breath, and so on.

Identifying What Works for You

I encourage you to explore what feeds your soul.

To find your own version of balance by keeping these four pillars in check; to ask yourself the hard questions and to pay attention to other areas of your life you consider fundamental for your integrated health.

Being mindful of how you feel when these are out of balance—and deciding to take (positive) action to restore the equilibrium—has the potential to change. your. life.

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  • Jit Garcia
  • Oct, 13, 2021

Stumbling into Sobriety for my Thirty-Fifth Year

A plan. I needed a plan if I was going to at least attempt abstaining from alcohol for any significant length of time.

This is probably a good time to mention that I am not much of a planner, much to my husband’s delight.

The desire to stop drinking was there. The knowing that it was necessary was there. But the how remained elusive.

I am quite sure that I did, in fact, drink again after that fateful morning. The specifics on that are not entirely clear within my memory, whether that is a result of shame or alcohol-induced amnesia is hard to say.

As I ruminated over the idea of leaving alcohol behind, I was faced with the stark realization that nearly all of my social interactions featured alcohol in the leading role. Outside of work and children’s activities, hanging out with friends or date night always involved alcohol.

Was this a problem? I’m not sure. Maybe? Probably. I did not black out every time I drank but I hated stopping after just one.

I hated stopping when I could start to feel that buzz, when I felt my shoulders relax, and when my confidence and lightheartedness started to swing up. I loved that feeling. One especially fond memory is tossing cheeseballs in the mouth in kitchen and having the kids count how many I could make in a row (14, for those wondering).

I was a fun drunk… until I wasn’t.

A memory with a little less sparkle? Probably when my husband and I had a big fight while our family of 5 was on vacation in a cabin by the river (not to be confused with a van down by the river). I was probably 5 White Claws in and his joke didn’t land right. I got angry, there were words, and then I started crying. What was the joke? What were the words? As any good drinker can tell you, alcohol isn’t known to improve your memory. Did I mention that my husband’s older brother was there? Or that when we fought I acted like I was going to up and leave him? Classic Mean Drunk Brandi move.

Eventually, a plan fell into my mind. I would make my 35th year on earth be a year of sobriety. I was going to turn 35 in September of 2019. I felt pretty confident in my abilities to follow through, as I was able to go 40 days alcohol free during the summer of 2018 after a particularly embarrassing evening while out drinking with college friends.

There was still some confusion on how this could work with our social life. How would I interact with neighbors while everyone else was drinking? What about when coworkers met for after work drinks? How would I explain that I am not drinking for awhile? Do I tell them I am nervous I am losing control? Will they judge me when I say that? Probably, I thought. Then what was the alternative? To say nothing? Do I not leave the house?

I decided to wing it. A brilliant plan indeed.

My birthday came and went, with the celebration involving a gluten free strawberry birthday cake instead of champagne or Stella Rosa. I stocked our fridge with carbonated, flavored water and kept alcohol out of reach. I requested my husband not drink in our home for the time being, as I knew that his drinking (in front of me) would make my abstinence more difficult.

A week came and went. The habit started to lessen a bit. I would come home and grab a flavored water instead of a White Claw. I was doing okay without alcohol.

And then we were invited to our next door neighbor’s surprise 40th birthday party, 13 days after I started my year of sobriety. It was at a bar and grill in Sioux Falls, not too far from our house. I liked this neighbor. She was kind and friendly, I wanted to go.

We took family photos that day at dusk in a town an hour away. We missed the “Surprise!” but stopped by the birthday party on our way back. All of our neighbors were there and, as expected, everyone had a drink in hand.

“Do you want a drink?” My neighbor asked, the question I knew was coming.

I looked around and said, “Yeah. I’ll take a cider. Thanks.”

Brandon looked at me, but said nothing about it. He was not entirely sure why I thought I needed to stop drinking for a year… as I had never told him about the aforementioned Margarita Morning. He ordered a Blue Moon, no orange.

I walked around and socialized, drink in hand. I felt dirty. I had broken the promise I had made to myself. But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know how to be there and not drink. If I didn’t drink, they would all assume I was pregnant again, which I wasn’t. Having them believe that falsehood is certainly not the worst thing that could happen, but… it bothered me. I didn’t want my ‘friends’ to think I was lying when I wasn’t. (opportunity to add message about how many feel the need to be perceived as authentic more than the need to be authentic to self)

I drank most of the cider, leaving a few drinks behind. We left the party and headed home with our 3 kids. I had a mix of feelings. Somewhat proud that I had limited myself to only one, but also somewhat shattered at giving in so early and so easily.

The next day, I started it over again. I just was not going to drink anymore. For a month, I became a bit of shut in. I did not really want to socialize because I was still unsure how to navigate that setting.

A few weeks later, my husband was running a half marathon in Minnesota (rather Nebraska). Our neighbor was also running. We (our neighbor, his wife, my husband, and me) decided to all ride together, the wives in the cheering section while the husbands ran. We had traveled like this before, but that time I had been running as well.

The night before the race, we went out to eat together. My second test. Jess, our neighbor, ordered a Michelob Ultra. My husband ordered a Guinness (?). Jess’s husband, Gerald, never drank before races, so he got a water. I placed my order for a Diet Mountain Dew and proceeded to tell them that I was taking a break from drinking. They were surprised but okay with it.

“I just feel like I need a break. It’s really hard for me to just have one or two, and I was getting nervous that I was losing control.” I explained.

“Yeah. I drink more in the summer, too. But I can usually stop after 1 beer,” said Jess. “You and Tay were drinking quite a bit for a while there,” she added.

“Yeah. I know that now. I don’t know if this is a forever thing, but it feels good to reset.” I responded.

Gerald nodded and said, “I think it’s cool. Good for you.”

The dinner proceeded without further discussion on it. I felt a little more sturdy in my plan.

The next morning, we were up early to drop the men off and then get to the appointed cheering areas. After they crossed the finish line, we chatted for a while. Eventually, we decided to grab something to eat.

We walked around a few different places until the runners found something on the menu that they liked. It was a Sunday during football season in Lincoln, therefore everywhere we went there were football games on the TV and places to sit, drink, and eat.

This time, everyone got a beer but me. Again, it felt a little weird. But maybe a little bad-ass, too? Like I was sticking it to the proverbial man? Ha. Maybe? But I made it, again. With each small victory, I gained a bit more confidence. Felt a bit more sure of myself without the crutch of alcohol.

The next test arrived in the form of a Halloween Party at another neighbor’s house. My friend Tay and her husband loved Halloween. They went all out with decorations, costumes, and awards for best costumes. It was a big deal.

This would be my first time going sober. I was nervous and did not really want to go. I knew that one neighbor in particular would be fairly vocal about my not drinking. To shield the questions, I grabbed my trusty mint Yeti mug and filled it with sparkling water. I then hid more of that water in the cooler holding my husband’s beer. I would pretend to drink. Another fool proof (zero proof) plan.

Until I needed to refill the mug… and failed to morph into my more sassy counterpart, whom we shall refer to as ***.

“Are you not drinking?” the outspoken neighbor asked, loud enough for all to hear.

“Yeah, no. I am taking a little break from drinking.” I responded.

I heard a “Hmph” and saw raised eyebrows as people looked at one another.

“Also, I am not pregnant. For anyone believing that that is the reason.” I added quickly, wanting to leave already.

Silence. Until a whispered, “Yeah, we’ll see.”

I took a deep breath and tried to shake off my anger and the rising discomfort. Why do I feel embarrassed? I asked myself. I’m doing nothing wrong here. Why is this an expectation? Why is it weird to not drink?

Honestly, I could not be too angry. Before deciding to get sober, I would have been the one encouraging everyone else to drink and have a good time. I would have been the one egging people on, thinking I was helping them relax to have a good time.

I went to stand by my husband and laid my head on his shoulder. He was in a red sweatshirt and dressed as Coco. I was in a black cat onesie/costume that matched my daughter’s. She was at home in bed, as were her brothers. We had hired a babysitter. I tried to decide how long I needed to stay in order to not be perceived as rude or bitchy.

That was October 2019 and after that awkward evening I started staying home more. I started missing more of the neighborhood get-togethers. I was feeling a bit lost, but wanted to stay true to myself and my word.

My friend, V, from a few hours away sent me a book called Sober Curious. I was already a few months into my sober experiment by the time this arrived, but Ruby Warrington’s words were like salve to my bruised soul. I felt calmer and understood. Knowing someone else had stumbled through the beginning sobriety was comforting.

I found that the farther I got away from drinking, the easier it was to not drink. After a few weeks, I would have a bad day at work and not even consider drowning that discomfort with alcohol. I would hit a goal (like lead my first group meditation) and not need a drink.

Nacho Cheese Doritos were a common bandaid for emotional pain, but I tried to enjoy those in moderation.

And then the Coronavirus hit. A little less than 6 months into my year long experiment.

Some days, when homeschooling was hard and it was too cold to send the kids outside, I really, really wanted a drink. But I didn’t. I had built up my ability to say no to that societal fix that didn’t really fix anything. And I didn’t want my kids to think I drank because of them. Because they’re kids. And they’re supposed to drive their mother crazy sometimes, right?

It’s been 18 months now without alcohol. My husband has pretty much cut out drinking, too. Some of that is because of me, but he’s seen benefits, too. The hangovers were real and the emotional toll of COVID could have really expedited a drinking problem. So while I may have chosen the hardest time to be sober, it was probably also the best time.

I do not envision alcohol going away. I do not envision everyone getting sober. But I do hope we can all reflect upon why we drink, and how much we drink.

Is it because we’re happy? Or sad? Or lonely?

Is it really helping, or just masking the pain? Or the joy?

I think it’s probably both.

Will I drink alcohol again?

I’m not sure. Maybe, maybe not. I do not really have much desire to drink at this point. I want to fully experience life and remember each and every moment. I have been to some amazing concerts (The Weeknd, Garth Brooks) and can only remember bits and pieces of those events. That feels like such a shame now.

Alas, shame is a worthless emotion. The past cannot be changed and I am excited for my, for our, future.

Cheers to you, with my NA brew!

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  • Brandi Johnson
  • Oct, 07, 2021

Nutrient Dense, Green ‘Detox’ Soup

As soon as the leaves start to change color and there’s a crisp in the air, that only means one thing… It’s soup season!

Soup is a powerful way to get a lot of nutrients into one bowl in a fast and efficient manner. Cook vegetables until tender, blend with bone broth and voila!

Not a fan of raw kale, or greens in general? This soup is the best way to get those nutrients in your body.

This soup is rich in liver-loving vegetables from the kale, cauliflower and leek. These vegetables along with the rich fiber content support your body’s detox pathways.

This is silky smoothy, creamy and totally dairy free soup is the perfect way to welcome soup season. Enjoy!

Tag @kindpublishingco and @alannadesalvonutrition on Instagram when you make it.

Ingredients

3 tablespoons ghee
2 yukon potatoes 1” cubes
1 leek sliced
1 cauliflower small
3 yellow or orange bell peppers roughly chopped
2 bunches dino kale sliced
1 teaspoon sea salt
½ teaspoon black pepper
½ cup basil packed
3 tablespoons lemon juice
4 ½ cups chicken bone broth
2 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil
¼ cup pumpkin seeds

Directions

  1. Trim the leaves off the bottom of the cauliflower then slice the whole cauliflower into 4-6 large wedges.
  2. Heat ghee in a large heavy bottomed pot over medium heat. Add potatoes and cauliflower to the pot and cook until the sides are deeply browned, about 8 minutes.
  3. Add leeks and bell pepper, stir and cover the pot. Continue to cook until cauliflower is browned and potatoes are cooked through and can be easily pierced with a knife, about 5-8 minutes.
  4. Add kale, sea salt, black pepper and cook until wilted, about 2-3 minutes then turn off the heat.
  5. Add basil, lemon juice, 1 cup of broth, and the cooked vegetables to a high speed blender. Blend until silky smooth.
  6. Return blended soup to the pot and stir in the remaining broth until homogenous. Turn heat to low and bring to a simmer. Season with more salt and pepper to taste.
  7. Serve in a bowl with a drizzle of olive oil and pumpkin seeds.
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  • Alanna DeSalvo
  • Oct, 02, 2021

The Benefits of Alternative Healing

Have you or someone in your family experienced anxiety or depression? Do you feel sad or anxious despite prescription antidepressants and tranquilizers? Would you be interested in a more natural or holistic treatment option? Do you feel ready to get to the cause of your health problems? A holistic approach to healing looks into the complex nature of conditions such as addiction, anxiety, and depression, using a variety of alternative techniques that focus on both the mind and body.

As humanity continues to evolve, the search for holistic and alternative approaches to enhance health and well-being has infused every aspect of our culture and society. We are witnessing a remarkable renewal of interest in alternative healing techniques. For instance, according to a UCLA study, more than 60 U.S. hospitals have adopted Reiki as part of their patient services, as Reiki sessions cause patients to heal faster and with less pain. Alternative medicine is gaining acceptance as a meaningful and cost-effective way to improve patient care.

It is the nature of life to continually reach for more transformative solutions to the endless challenges that arise. In our modern, information age, everyone has access to an enormous amount of facts, data, and opinions on any subject of interest. People facing challenges with their physical, mental, or emotional health are no longer depending solely upon their physicians for advice on the management of their illness.

Whether or not you have a healthcare background, you have unprecedented access and opportunities to learn about your body. Through the Internet, books, journals, newsletters, and support groups, more and more people are formulating their own view of their illness and how they want to approach it. Individuals are no longer passive and as patient about their healing process as they once were. There is a powerful movement of self-empowerment in the world today that originates from the 1960s mindset of challenging authority.

What Is Alternative Healing?

The term “alternative therapy” refers to any health treatment not standard in Western medical practice. When used alongside standard medical practices, alternative approaches are commonly referred to by medical practitioners as “complementary” medicine.

Alternative treatments combined with conventional Western medicine help to provide supportive and life-changing opportunities for people who are sensitive to medications, or cannot afford big expensive surgeries. More than that, alternative treatments focus on prevention and treating underlying problems, not just their symptoms. Even Western medical practitioners are starting to suggest natural alternative treatments as well.

To better understand alternative healing and what it encompasses, it is best to know some of the key categories of the various treatments. They include the following:

Energy Healing

This involves the use of energy to heal the body by energizing its cells, and is based upon the theory that energy flows into, through, and then out of the human body through several energy centers known as chakras. The goal with this therapy is to create a balance of energy within the individual in order to reduce anxiety and pain and induce healing on every aspect of the physical, mental, spiritual and emotional bodies. Some examples might be Reiki, Theta Healing, Marconics, and Reconnective Healing.

Natural Products and Remedies

This involves the use of plant-based or natural materials to cure individuals of specific ailments, or to prevent the ailments from occurring in the first place. The most common and popular variations are Aromatherapy through essential oils and herbal remedies through Herbalism, Ayurvedic medicine, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Homeopathy, and Naturopathy.

Mind and Body Practices

These involve the psychological, behavioral, social, and spiritual approaches to intervention or treatment of an individual. These are spiritual practices in order to manifest wisdom, compassion, authentic wellness, and gratitude for the benefit of all beings. The most well-known examples are yoga, and the practices of Insight Meditation (Vipassana) and loving-kindness meditation (metta), mindfulness (conscious awareness), and Breathwork.

Body-Based Therapy

This category focuses on movement and physical touch to relieve individuals from sickness, soreness, or pain. Massage therapy, Acupressure, Rolfing, Percussion Therapy and Chiropractic care are often used to help address imbalances in the body.

Alternative Medicine Techniques

These are entire systems of theory, study and practice that typically cover the non-Western medical approach or the non-conventional therapeutic approach, such as Acupuncture, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique (QHHT), and Past Life Regression Therapy.

Using Alternative Approaches to Healing

There are many variations of alternative healing modalities. Researchers continue to examine their combined benefits for a variety of patients and conditions, including cancer.

Because alternative healing techniques work with the body’s natural self-healing capabilities, it actually enhances biological healing to speed up the recovery process. It also means that the body’s own internal environment is maintained during recovery rather than damaged (sometimes permanently), which doctors say antibiotics do to the body. In the case of Western antibiotics, the individual often feels “off” in their stomach after dealing with the healing that antibiotics cause. It turns out that their stomach then has to heal as well.

With alternative remedies, the body’s natural state is maintained and not depleted, which would normally require a time of rebuilding after the treatment is administered. Alternative healing modalities aim to repair and strengthen the body by giving it what it needs to fight back.

What many people do not know is that alternative therapies are powerful enough to stimulate glands to re-balance hormones by re-initiating hormone production. Hormones play an enormous role in signaling the body to increase or reduce biological processes.

People can have allergies to anything, especially medications, food, and even herbal remedies. Yet there are generally fewer problems with alternative practices than with pharmaceuticals because ingesting the man-made substances are not part of the experience, and therefore it is easier for the body to heal. Alternative remedies means that there is little potential for side-effects and allergies. These techniques do work as the body is meant to operate, and that is where alternative healing has advantages over Western medicine.

A Focus on Prevention

Western medicine is primarily focused on managing symptoms once they appear. Alternative healing aims to treat the root cause of a condition so your body can get back to doing its natural processes automatically—and, in many instances, can help as a preventative. The philosophy behind alternative healing is rooted in balance and equilibrium.

Conventional medicine usually comes into play once a person becomes sick, as Western medicine was developed to address acute symptoms and trauma. However, alternative healing techniques are designed to keep your illness from occurring.

There are practitioners that treat patients with a blend of Western medicine and alternative healing, which can give the patient a well-rounded and educational experience.

Individualized Attention

Again, alternative healing modalities are centered around whole-body care, which means holistic practitioners give more attention to their patients. As you may know, physical pain can also affect a person emotionally. It’s important for that aspect of treatment to be addressed as well. With alternative practices, if a person has a serious condition, the practitioner will focus on everything.

Many traditional doctors have too many patients, not enough time, and are primarily focused on insurance payments. On the contrary, an alternative practitioner will provide more personal time with individuals and have different payment structures to be supportive of individual needs.

Enhances Your Quality of Life

Western medicine works well for getting rid of pain at the moment, but once it subsides, the pain returns. Alternative therapies aim to ensure the source of the pain is addressed. Therefore, you’re not living your life relying on medication or going through a rollercoaster of feeling well and not feeling well.

Alternative healing techniques provide reassurance and make a person feel better about their treatment. If you know something is good, then you feel confident about it. Recipients of alternative healing techniques know they will be completely cared for and treated properly.

You only get one body, and it’s essential you treat it right. When it comes to your long-term health, alternative healing techniques can be the difference between managing your symptoms or eliminating your symptoms altogether (without side-effects) so you can get back to your normal life.

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  • Andrea Firpo
  • Sep, 22, 2021
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