How a Recovering People-Pleaser Found Happiness

For most of my life I was really good at being who others wanted me to be. I wanted my family to be proud of me. I wanted my peers to like me. At my core, I wanted to be loved and accepted. It is what all humans want.

So I spent many, many years pleasing others. Doing what society taught me was acceptable. I got good grades, went to college, got a good job, went back to school for a master’s degree—I worked hard and by all standards, it paid off. I had an amazing, full life. I had good friends and family who loved me, a beautiful home and money to spend on travel or whatever my heart desired.

I should have been happy—I expected to finally be happy. My life looked the way I had imagined, the picture perfect image of happiness and success. I had it all. And yet, something was missing. I was lost. There was an emptiness inside that I couldn’t explain.

And so, I began a journey to fill the void. There were therapists, coaches, books, and countless moments of deciphering between who society/family/friends/employers wanted me to be and who I wanted to be. Or more precisely, who I truly was deep down inside.

Back then, I believed that we were all striving for the same “finish line,” because pride and accomplishment leads to satisfaction, and satisfaction leads to happiness. So I was understandably perplexed when happiness never arrived. Apparently the old adage that happiness is an inside job has some truth to it.

So how did a recovering people-pleaser find her happiness?

The first step was to turn inward

After a lifetime of looking outside of myself for answers to life’s questions, big and small, the simple act of turning inward was challenging. I had to learn to trust myself, my decisions, and most importantly, my intuition.

That internal compass exists for a reason! It tells me what’s true for me and it doesn’t always jive with what others would want for me. That’s typically a sign that I’m on the right track, that I’m living for myself and not someone else. Of course, I still seek counsel from others now and then but when it comes down to it, I always pause and check in with my heart. I trust that it won’t lead me astray and so far, it hasn’t.

The second step is to find your voice

Once I was clear on who I was and what I wanted, I had to learn to speak my truth. I have always been non-confrontational, afraid to rock the boat, make others uncomfortable or say the wrong thing and regret it. I would bite my tongue and swallow my words instead of expressing myself fully.

I have found that true love and acceptance can only be fully experienced if you’re being your whole self, all the time. Not everyone is going to like what I have to say and I accept that I may lose some relationships along the way. But if they only liked me when I was saying what they wanted to hear, they weren’t there for me in the first place. My marriage and friendships fill me up with love and support like never before, because I know they see, appreciate and feel the real me.

The final step is to have courage

Once I decided to honor what my soul felt called to do, what would make me the most happy, I knew I was going to disappoint some people. I was walking away from a life I had spent 20 years building, from an identity that people understood. Forging my own path wasn’t easy and it took me over a year to build up the courage to take the leap. But it was worth it and it’d do it again in a heartbeat.

I could have stayed comfortable, in my predictable, and utterly dull, existence. It’s easy to continue doing what you’ve always done. It’s safe. But it lacks magic and the excitement of possibility. Creating a life that lights you up requires you to choose courage over comfort. Every single day.

I’m elated to report that I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I am no longer lost. I have purpose and my internal compass tells me exactly where I need to go. I am free to chase my dreams and live an extraordinary life because I am finally being true to myself. It took me a long time to get here, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because knowing what could have been if I’d have stayed stuck motivates me every day to remain true to my heart.

Emotional Health, Self-Love
Apr, 29, 2022

How to Give Yourself Space

March is that one month of the year with a spaciousness to it that other months just don’t have. I view it as the month to flow with ease and grace from the depths of winter into the newness of spring. It’s the month where I allow myself to use that space in ways that make sense to me. Sometimes it’s space for silliness and fun. Sometimes it’s space for just being and connecting to myself. Sometimes it’s tapping into my headspace or heartspace.

So much of the way we relate to having space is often the way we’ve been trained by external influences. Think about that…do you carve out the space you need, are you constantly in hustle mode or do you feel like you’ve mastered the balance of how you relate to and use space in a way that makes sense for you and your lifestyle?

Reiki and Space

My epiphany about the vastness of space came a few years ago when I was training to be a Reiki practitioner—I’ve since gone on to be a Reiki Master teacher. Upon learning the “distance symbol,” I came to understand how to send healing energy across time and space. Distance Reiki allows the person giving the energy healing at any point time insofar that it allows practitioners and masters to clear blockages from the recipient’s past or to send healing into their future. This works according to the Hermetic Law of Similarity in that we are all made up of energy and we are all connected through the expanse of time and space. I have received distance Reiki and I have given distance Reiki; the power of universal life force offers special, and at times unspeakable, healing results.

Self-Care and Space

I surely consider self-Reiki as self-care, but it just had to be it’s own aforementioned category.

I practice self-care and self love daily and part of that practice means I turn my attention inward and relate to the space within me—holding space for both my inner critic as well as my inner confidant. I hold space for my thoughts and my feelings. It’s so simple and yet such a profound practice as it allows for the wisdom deep within my soul to come through and offer any messages as source of guidance.

When my brain is a bit overwhelmed or tired and turning inward isn’t what I’m interested in, I create space by journaling or reading. The benefits of journaling abound as it helps me to get everything that’s taking up space in my brain by getting it out. Yes, I call it journaling, but really it’s a brain dump. It’s getting everything out on paper that was taking up so much valuable real estate in my brain. I read—or sometimes listen to an audiobook —in order to take myself to a different place. Stories provide a healthy distraction. Losing myself in a story allows me benefits such as: exercising my brain, improving my concentration, reducing my stress levels, engaging in another world, and for you readers reading this, you know the list goes on. If you haven’t opened a book recently, I’ll recommend the fictional story The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Tara Jenkins Reid and the non-fictional piece Rich As F*ck by Amanda Frances as those have been my two recent top reads.

The Physical World and Space

Although I do consider meditation a self-care practice, I’m placing it in this category as I find myself meditating to remove myself from the worries of the physical world. As of now, I’m on a 45-day meditation streak using the Calm App as it’s my daily outlet for slowing down and being present. Listening to a concentrative, guided meditation allows me to focus on breathwork and visualization which allows me to create space by tuning out everything else around me.

However, we can’t tune everything or everyone out, and over the course of the day, we interact with people, and sometimes it’s them in our space that throws us off—hello, Debbie Downer or Whiney Whitney. For those of you who have the ability to visualize, you might consider seeing yourself enveloped by a crystal clear bubble that repels people’s negative energy. In this way, you interact with the person, but their energy doesn’t intertwine with yours because you created a boundary as to not absorb certain people’s energy. If visualization isn’t your thing or if you find yourself getting entangled with unwanted energy before you even realize it, you can physically swipe away—from head to toe—others’ energy to get you back to your protected space.

And then there’s the space in your home, your car, or your workspace. Is it set up the way you want it? Is it giving you the sense of comfort you want it to? Space impacts the way you operate. As I sit here and write this article, I am in a comfy chair, with my feet in the foot massager, next to the fireplace. Yes, I have a desk to work at, but that just wasn’t going to be the optimum space for me at this moment.

Here are a few simple tips if you’re looking for a change in your physical space: play your favorite 3-5 minute song and declutter your space, sketch out a different set up of a space you’re thinking needs a change, or begin by making simple changes like turning off an overhead light and turning on a nearby lamp. The concept of Feng Shui is just beginning to pique my interest, so I have a feeling the physical world and space is going to be a focus of mine this month.

The Narrative and Space

What is your narrative behind having space and behind taking up space? There is so much space available to us; the universe is made up of space and time and all of its contents—from far off galaxies to you and me, two of nearly 8 billion people living on planet earth. In the course of your lifetime, I wish you spaciousness.

Emotional Health
Mar, 10, 2022

Self-Love is the Best Love

As we approach Valentine’s Day, I felt called to write about self-love—the kind of love where you accept yourself as you are, the kind of love where you make good choices for your overall well being, and the kind of love that generously gives back to you in magical and mysterious ways.

As you read, put one hand over your heart and be open to receiving, receiving these words in addition to receiving whatever the universe has in store for you. Right now you are choosing you, and when you “love yourself first and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” That’s a Lucille Ball quote, and everyone loves Lucy!

Let’s start with acknowledging and celebrating yourself.

Use these prompts to encourage you:

I’m proud of…

I’m great at…

I’m awesome because…

I love my…

I am…

Self-love is worthy—and at times challenging—work! After all, it’s quite common to be self-critical and let harsh thoughts dictate how you feel about yourself. So, I want you to take a moment to think of an aspect of yourself that you pick on; maybe it’s physical or maybe it’s mental. What is it and why do you loathe it? Take a moment to dig deep here and be honest with yourself…

Now, if your hand is still at your heart’s center, move it to that place where you are especially critical of yourself, and allow the following prompts to guide you:

Offer that place some extra tender loving care and energy through your touch.

Flip the script and tell yourself what you appreciate about that aspect of your mind or body.

Be kind in your acknowledgment of what that part of your body does for you on a regular basis.

You are choosing to put the breaks on your inner critic and choose self-love. You are choosing to stop giving your time, energy and emotions to negative self-talk and instead give yourself the pep talk so the light and magic that is you shines brighter. That is called flipping the narrative.

To fuel self-love, it’s important to show yourself kindness—not just through words but through actions too. So, it’s time to grab a piece of paper and pen or open the notes page on your phone and jot down 5 kind things you can do for yourself today, tonight, or tomorrow. The action of doing can be active or passive; in that it can be to do something (like food prep) or to choose to not do something (take a midday nap).

When you love yourself, you care for yourself in beautiful ways. Think about a person, a pet, or a thing you just adore; how do you care for it, how much do you love it? You can treat yourself the same way.

When the power of self-love flows through you, you feel it, you use it, and it produces an overflow in which you are able to give to and share with others. So, go and fill up your cup until it runneth over.

Self-love is the path to knowing yourself and for serving others without feeling depleted or resentful; again, you are giving your overflow.

Self-Love
Feb, 10, 2022

Choosing the Present

I used to spend so much of my life focused on anticipating what was coming, how I was going to feel, what may happen, or how I would react when something changed in my life. I would get caught up in preparing for change that seemed daunting, when in reality, it was a change that I often craved, and propelled me into a stage of life that I was yearning for.

I found that I was never really living in the moment, but simply waiting or moving fast. I found myself moving too fast, not taking breaks, working straight through every task, barely coming up for air throughout my entire day.

A few weeks ago, during a morning meditation, I was guided with the quote “sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.” I sat for a moment, wondering how often I truly just allow myself to be, present, in the moment. How often do I truly let myself breathe, and just be?

We spend so much of our lives trying to rewrite our past, and predict our future, rather than living in the moment. Instead of being present in the time we will never get back. And when we allow ourselves to be present, that time doesn’t slip away as fast. When you begin to think about it, what else is there other than the present moment? Where are we, if we are anywhere, but the now?

Of course, it serves us well to reflect on our past, to learn from the growth, and to set intentions for our future. I’ve spent quite a bit of time reflecting on my 2021, to declare what I want to call in for 2022. When you take time to reflect, rather than rush to conclusions, you allow yourself to become clear.

After about a month of meditation, the word ‘integration’ settled in. We’ve all been through a lot, especially the last two years. But what I started to discover through this morning meditation, is that I’m truly yearning for more presence in my life. More time in the now.

Time to be with all the growth, the lessons, the musings. Time to just be in the moment, rather than rush through it, to the next thing, and forget it even happened.

It’s time to create space to pause. What can that space look like for you?

Maybe it’s time on the beach to watch the sunset. Time to sit at dinner with your family and laugh about traditions that have become so mundane they are comical 30 years later. Time to cherish the beautiful relationships you’ve built in your life that mean more than the things sitting in your closet. Time to be proud of the person you’ve become, and have always been. Time to put your phone on do not disturb and disconnect from the outside world, and go within.

Maybe presence is all about creating your own time.

Presence looks different for all of us. That’s the beauty of it. It doesn’t have to be defined by me, your partner, or your best friend. YOU get to define what presence looks like for you, in your life. You get to decide how to choose it, how to create it, and how to change it. You are the creator of your life and how you get to live it.

So, I ask you, can you choose to pause in the present? There may be no greater gift you can give yourself.

Mindfulness
Feb, 01, 2022

Lessons Learned from a Six-Week Hiatus of Alcohol

For the past two years, I’ve taken a voluntary break from booze (wine, mainly). To my admiration, I’ve managed to do this twice now for around 45 days, and each experience was remarkably different. The main difference: my mindset.

The First Try

After reviewing my blood test results, the dietitian suggested a series of ambitious (and unsustainable) adjustments to my nutritional plan, which would undoubtedly improve my lipid profile. And although everything seemed doable for a specific period of time, one non-negotiable item turned on the loud siren with red flashing lights in my mind. The challenge: no alcohol for a minimum of four weeks.

If you’ve been sober for four months, four years, or more, you might be either rooting for me or vigorously rolling your eyes at the screen.

Either way, let’s agree to continue under the premise that everyone is free to follow the path that best suits them, and that I’m not lobbying for sobriety, nor for alcohol consumption. I do believe, however, that drinking has been normalized to an alarming extent and sobriety has been slightly condemned (by the ones with a drink in their hand). After facing an amusing variety of well-intended, albeit unsolicited opinions during these brief periods of abstinence, I have a theory as to why. And I’ll expand on this later.

Back to the challenge.

I was on a mission; In a competition with myself. Like Monica from FRIENDS, after being challenged by Phoebe on The One With The Late Thanksgiving.

My dietitian told me to get it all out of my system and start the following week. Was he expecting me to chug a bottle a day and start fresh on Monday? The whole getting-it-out-of-your-system argument seems absurd to me. For both, diets and long-term commitments (to others and to yourself).

Clearly, I started that day. I was determined to prove to myself that I could abstain for four weeks, and more. The key to my success that first time, was the short-termed lens through which I was looking at the situation. I wanted to win the sprint, not train for the marathon.

A Tradition in the Making

Seconds after closing the door, the host turned back to me and asked: “Wine right?” Although he assumed correctly, I could tell by his confused stare after I said: “That’s right! But I brought my own non-alcoholic wine. And no, I’m not pregnant,” that he was not expecting this reply. And to my relief, he did not engage further.

The aforementioned phrase became my automated out-of-drinking reply to anyone playing the role of unofficial bartender at a social gathering. It’s uncommon (at least in my circle of family and friends) not to drink at a reunion. And being a woman, pregnancy tends to be the first assumption. So, I led with that.

This was my second year cutting alcohol. And everything felt different, yet the only thing that had actually changed between one year and the next, was my mentality.

The first time I stopped drinking, I wanted to win. I wanted to get results and get it over with. I also fell deep into the quicksand of over-explanation. I used my dietitian’s words as a shield against the standard judgement that might trigger embarrassment or even shame. As if having a medical purpose acquitted me of any responsibility over this ‘nonsense’ of not drinking.

The second time, my perspective shifted dramatically. I felt like Peter Parker in No Way Home, when Dr. Strange separates him from his physical form (or, knocks him out of his body) and he sees himself, his reality, through another lens.

After spending time being more present with others and with myself, and embracing all emotions (versus pouring a glass of wine to mitigate the discomfort) there was no short-term goal anymore. What started as a competition with myself had turned into a commitment to myself. To my overall well-being. My aim was (is) to find a version of balance that works for me and to restore it as needed.

Overcoming The Cocktail Connection

In my experience, the only way to create a long-lasting habit change is through intrinsic motivation. So, I asked myself the tough questions, took the unpopular decisions and wore an invisible cloak of tolerance and compassion.

When using the medical excuse to justify my temporary break-up with booze, I’d get comments like: “One drink won’t ruin it for you,” or, “I’d rather take a pill for that than quit drinking.” Or, the assumption that I’m missing out on the fun, as I overheard when leaving a dinner party: “Of course she’s leaving early. What else is she gonna do if she’s not drinking?”

Considering what I’ve shared above, and remembering that people can only understand you from their perspective, which comes with its own set of expectations and biases, I stopped over-explaining myself. I leaned into tolerance and turned to answers like: “Because I feel like it,” or “Because I want to,” which surprisingly halted further inquiries of why I wasn’t drinking.

Eventually I understood why people would get disappointed if I didn’t accept a drink, or even facetiously offended if I didn’t toast with alcohol for what they deemed a special occasion. And I think the answer is connection. Many meaningful, memorable moments happen over a meal, over laughter and conversation, and they happen over a glass of wine (or, drinks with friends and family).

An alternative: long conversations over coffee. Great for bonding and building that sense of camaraderie, minus the hangxiety. A complete win if you ask me.

What about you? Does a glass of wine (or preferred boozy beverage) represent connection and comfort for you on any level? If you were looking for your next journal prompt, you’re welcome.

Add Your Heading Text Here

Now that I’m reflecting back on these, I think of them more as realizations than learnings. You decide:

Determination and Intrinsic Motivation. This pair has the potential to change any behavior and create long-lasting change. When we leverage these, we are capable of anything.
Consistent Energy Boosts. Drinking can trigger a series of unhealthy, physiological chain reactions that mess with my digestion, my sleep and ultimately my habits. I found that during these periods of abstinence my healthy-ish lifestyle prevailed, which in turn fed and elevated my energy levels.
Setting Boundaries. With the right motivation, I’m able to quickly mark limits. I’ll gladly leave my comfort zone to engage in polite confrontation and uncomfortable conversations to protect them. And I did.
Mindful Presence. Avoiding the delightful, desensitizing elixir forced me to feel everything. To deal with difficult situations without resorting to anything but my own inner wisdom, my breath, and other stress-reducing techniques rooted in my yoga practice. I learned to be more present with myself, and with the ones that matter the most.
Tolerance and Compassion. Since I quickly realized I wasn’t too tolerant of inebriated folks when I was in a state of sobriety, I turned to compassion—for others, and for myself. I focused on appreciating the good in people and remembering that many of us can act idiotically when intoxicated, which doesn’t make us less worthy. If anything, it makes us more human.

The Last Round

Only you can define your relationship with alcohol. My two cents: If it’s hurting you more than it’s helping you, if it’s risking your relationships with others, then it might be time to re-evaluate priorities. I believe in living a life guided by balance for as long as I can keep it, and restore it when I’ve lost it. However, if the moment comes where I feel excess is taking over and balance is nowhere to be seen—it’s likely I’ll take a longer pause, if not a permanent one.

Emotional Health
Jan, 11, 2022

Navigating Not Knowing What to Do with Your Life, and Feeling Fine with It

Career planning class in high school; Our teacher made us go through a pile of different personality tests that we’re supposed to unfold my true calling in life (yes, at 16 years old). I immediately felt this panic taking over my body as I realized I had the classic “Will never truly know what they want to do” personality type. The Myers Briggs, the psychological inventory, the enneagram, the 16 personalities, they were all agreeing; for me, there would be many forks on the road, and it would be chaotic.

It seemed that everyone around me had it figured out—certainly more than me. My anxious brain came to the conclusion that all failures and unhappiness in my life must be directly related to this career thing. It has to be the key to a perfect life right? This feeling lurked in the back of my brain and pitched its tent there for a long time, greatly affecting my self-esteem (and my wallet) as I would try too many different new ventures, studies, and classes without really feeling like doing the work. This would all lead to quickly dissociating and having a negative outlook on life. I would blank when people would ask: What do you do? What do you want to be? What are your skills? I just didn’t have a simple answer, and it made me realize that it is hard to feel whole when all those questions are unanswered.

However, through many nights of crying, panicking over my life, and putting all my personal value into careers, starting a business, or daydreaming of this super cool fictional job where there would be huge windows and monstera plants and cool people with funky glasses that would drink third wave coffee in my brick-walled office, I’ve come to realize through conversations with people who seemed to have those things, that it didn’t fill any of the voids, stress, loneliness, depression, trauma, or grief that life can bring in your life. Even if it takes a lot of work and personal soul-searching, it is crucial to try to find peace and be comfortable with ourselves even in seasons of uncertainty—when we do not have much going on.

I started to ask myself questions like:

Do I love my friends and loved ones because of their jobs?
Do I really believe one needs to make money out of a passion for it to be valid?
Does one’s personal value shift to nothing past their 9 to 5?

Once I checked the “no” box to all those questions, I realized that none of these statements reflected my personal values—and from conversations with many humans I believe I am not alone in this situation.

Overtime, I have met a couple people like me who also can’t define themselves and are still starting to figure out what they want to do with their life. A metaphor that illustrates this well is the piece of a puzzle that is only one plain color on a very complex Monet painting. Some pieces seem really easy to place as they appear to have a clear design, something noticeable, a specific quality, a connection with another one. However the whole picture would never be complete without all components and the complexity and beauty of an image is attributed to all its pieces whether they are easy or hard to place.

At the end, our natural desire to anchor in our identity and find who we truly are is a perfectly normal and very intrinsec force in our life and we all link it to our own things and patterns. We all actualize ourselves in various ways. It is of the most importance however, to be able to meet yourself where you are, to sit down in the chaos, take a deep breath and be fine with not really knowing in the moment.

Career, Self-Love
Dec, 02, 2021

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: Create the Life You Desire

We all have the ability to live our dreams. We must simply ask, believe, and respond with appropriate action. When you’re positioning yourself to be aligned with your desired dream or outcome, it can admittedly feel like a chore to get enough rest, stay healthy, keep up with your personal hygiene and self-care. It can be easy to go into a slump where going to the gym, eating your vegetables, meditating, or changing out of you pajamas just doesn’t seem appetizing. And if you’re dealing with chronic illness, autoimmune disease, or any long-term symptoms, it can be tempting to let your normal routines fall to the wayside in exchange for something that feels easier.

If you’re currently dealing w that a deeper awareness of our desires is the first step to change. When you practice awareness, you have the capacity to choose. When you become fully aware of how you think and react in life’s situations, you do not react mindlessly or automatically. You can consciously control what was once unconscious, and become a better, truer version of ourselves.

I am also a big believer in finding motivation by focusing on the dream, desire, or goal you are moving towards.

At this point, I maintain my healthy practices (most of the time) because I know that my health supports me in experiencing the kind of life that I want to live. I want to have good energy, be able to focus and do meaningful, enlightening work, feel comfortable and happy in my body, as well as be able to connect with others and have fun while having a positive impact on the world around me. I want to sail as smoothly as possible through life, and I want to stay healthy and active far into the future too.

In short, I want to live it up for as long as I can while having nothing stopping me from having the life of my dreams.

Decide What You Want Out of Life

One of the main reasons why most people don’t get what they want is they haven’t decided what they want. They haven’t defined their desires in clear and compelling detail.

For instance, what does freedom, expansion and joy look like to you? Not everybody’s definition is the same, nor should it be.

I regularly remind my clients that a deeper awareness of your desires is the first step to change. Because when you practice awareness, you have the capacity to choose. When you become fully aware of how you think and react in life’s situations, you do not react mindlessly or automatically. You can consciously control what was once unconscious, and become a better, truer version of yourself.

When you take the time to meditate regularly, you connect in and increase the awareness of your desires and the intentions you send out into the world. You can observe your patterns of behavior that may be inhibiting, shutting you down, or limiting you from what you truly desire without judgement.

It is also through your connection to the divine that your greater inner awakening and deeper awareness is found—as meditation is at the root of all personal transformation. In addition, your spiritual enlightenment accelerates your ability to learn how to consciously ask for something more, or different, simply because your deep knowing tells you that you are deeply loved, supported and worthy of asking. Through your connection with the divine, you can recognize that you have the opportunity to consciously create anything within this 3rd dimensional world, as the powerful and infinite creator that you are.

Start to Envision that Your Life is Already How You Want it to Be

Most people don’t always fully realize that you have the ability to co-create your life with the universe. So many of us are taught to accept what you are given and not even to dream of anything more. But our hopes and dreams are the universe whispering to us, planting an idea of what’s possible while directing us toward the best use of your gifts. The universe truly wants to give you your heart’s desires, but you need to be clear about what those desires are, and actually ask for them.

To ask for something does not mean to beg or plead from a place of lack or unworthiness. It’s like placing an order—you don’t need to beg the salesperson for what you want or prove to them that you deserve to have it. It is their job to give you what you ask for; you only have to tell them what you want. Once you have a clear vision of what you desire, you simply step into the silent realm where all possibilities exist and let your desires be known. Whatever methods you use to become still, it is important that you find the quiet space between your thoughts.

From that still and quiet place, you can announce your intentions to the pure energy of creation. By imagining all the details from every angle, including scent, color, and how it would feel to have it, we design our dreams to our specifications. Similar to dropping a pebble into a pond, the ripples created by our thoughts travel quickly from this place of stillness, echoing out into the world to align and orchestrate all the necessary details to bring your desires into manifestation. Before leaving this wonderful space to come back to the world, release any attachment to the outcome and express gratitude. By doing this daily, you focus your thoughts and your energy while regularly mingling with the essence that makes it possible to build the life of your dreams.

Are you ready to live the life you deserve? From material abundance to the abundance of love, you can attract everything you desire.

Become Goal-Oriented

As soon as you commit to a big dream and really go after it, your subconscious creative mind will come up with big ideas to make it happen.

You’ll start attracting the people, resources, and opportunities you need into your life to make your dream come true. Big dreams not only inspire you, but they also compel others to want to play big, too.

Whatever goal you give to your subconscious mind, it will work day and night to achieve it. To engage your subconscious mind, a goal has to be measurable.

Long-term goals refer to those dreams you hold in your heart. They begin as aspirations and whispers of hope, but they become real when you decide to take action. Long-term goals can relate to your career, like starting a business or changing your profession. You may seek out financial goals like buying a house or paying for your child’s education. Perhaps you have personal aspirations in mind like traveling the world or becoming a mentor. They may seem out of reach at first, but with time, effort, and planning, we can achieve them. Break down long-term goals into tangible, baby steps: You need to know what specific steps to take each day, week, and month to achieve your goals.

Let Go of Your Past

Much of the struggle you experience in life situations comes from the limited way you are focusing on them. It is your current viewpoint from your past experiences, rather than any other factor, that gives you the illusion that a problem is insurmountable.

So it is with life situations, which are ill-defined and can have multiple meanings depending on your perspective. Two people may suffer from the same circumstance—the loss of a job or illness—yet one sees it as a challenge, whereas the other sees it as the end of his or her world and can never move on. See the difference?

Release Your Fears

Don’t let your fear get in the way just because you’re not sure what change will bring, and don’t be complacent because you’re comfortable with your life—even though you know you can do better. When you choose to create the life you want, it means letting go of what no longer serves you—toxic relationships, unfulfilling jobs, unhealthy lifestyles.

When change happens, it can seem like the end of a chapter in a book. As you enter into a new chapter, the transition often feels confusing, uncertain, or even scary. It takes time to find your way. You have to learn how to build resilience to stay strong during these difficult times. Knowing how to manage this middle period will help you navigate through a confusing transition.

If you feel like you’ve been having these thoughts lately and you’re not really sure how to take the next steps to better your life, please reach out to a friend, family member, therapist, life coach, or anyone else who may be supportive of you.

Emotional Health
Dec, 01, 2021

3 Life Lessons I Wish I Learned Earlier in Life

“Youth is wasted on the young.”

I was twenty-something when I first read this quote attributed to both George Bernard Shaw and Oscar Wilde. At the time I didn’t quite comprehend its magnitude, but the words stayed with me.

Today, in my mid-30s, I have my own interpretation of it: it’s not that youth is wasted on the young, it’s that when young people are experiencing situations for the first time, they figure it out as they go—inevitably missing one, two, or a hundred things along the way. Not to mention the poor (ahem, terrible) decision making. Yes, even those of us who thought we had it all planned out.

How naïve, right?

“Can you imagine growing up in a household with parental figures who prioritized their inner work, to break patterns before they reach their kids?”

is what I asked a bestie during one of those long, heartfelt conversations that happen every three to six months. As this conversation evolved, I started thinking about what I would want to say to my younger self as a break-in-case-of-emergency, life starter pack for a young woman.

I’m not saying “to prepare my younger self” because nothing (not even my ‘life starter pack’) can really prepare anyone for life. And even if it could, a young person can easily dismiss another’s learnings because they won’t necessarily relate to their experience. And relatability is key to get through—enter a saying from the Latin American tías (aunties): “Nadie aprende por cabeza ajena.” Which translated from Spanish, means: “Nobody learns from another person’s experience.” We as human beings tend to see things as we are, not as they are. So, regardless of any life lessons I’d love to share with my younger self, she probably wouldn’t have been prepared to receive them. Or to understand them.

She would have appreciated them, though. Just as I hope you will (whether you’re in your early 20s, mid-30s or fab-40s and beyond).

Lesson No. 1

USE YOUR VOICE AND TAKE UP SPACE—UNAPOLOGETICALLY

There’s an old (and machista, and outdated) saying in Spanish: “Calladita te ves más bonita.” Which roughly translates to: “You look prettier when you keep shushed.” I’m not going to dive deep into the many cultural references stemming off of this phrase, which include but aren’t limited to: staying quiet as to avoid judgement of any kind, or offend anyone; staying invisible to avoid standing out and being a target for assault, violence or ridicule, or keeping to yourself because you’re a woman and someone decided that what you have to say doesn’t matter (we know it does, clearly).

Speaking up is a powerful tool for change, for advancement, for influence. History can attest to that.

And using your voice unapologetically means showing up as you really are, regardless of how you’ll be perceived by others. It shows the humanity in you, it shatters the idealization and illusion of perfection of what a woman should be. Anyone else remember being told some variation of: “Girls don’t sit like that,” or “Women don’t talk like that”? I do.

For many years I didn’t use my voice. In school, I lowered it because I was worried I’d get into trouble for (respectfully) voicing any disagreement against authority. And the overwhelming fear of being made fun of by sharing my opinion, or the shame of giving a wrong answer in class—whoosh! That was a horror movie right there.

Later in life this evolved into a fear of not being liked, or being tagged as difficult, intense, and any other negative adjective. This was the beginning of me becoming a people pleaser (now in recovery, yay).

It took me years to understand three things:

That everyone has an opinion about everything.
That I can’t control how people perceive me (what I say, what I do, etc.)
That the only way to avoid judgement or avoid offending anyone was to stay still and barely breathe.

When I realized the alternative resembled a scene in a horror movie, where the main character is hiding in a closet, panicking over whether or not the serial killer would find her, I made a choice.

I wanted to live life, not merely exist in it. And using my voice, and taking up space are powerful ways of living fully. I was so driven by what people would think of me (and wanting those thoughts to be positive), that censoring myself became the rule, not the exception.

Today I remind you to live out loud, and stay true to who you are. #youdoyou.

Lesson No. 2

THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

I remember listening to a song by Travis called Side, with a chorus that started: “The grass is always greener on the other side…” and I thought to myself that it described perfectly our collective dissatisfaction with the present and idealization of the future. And to add a dash of context: this phrase is colloquially used to express how much more appealing that thing we don’t have is vs. the one we do have.

Grabbing my safety pin to burst your bubble—it’s not greener anywhere else. Or in another moment in time. The grass in which you’re standing is as green as you decide it is today (and mindful that all life situations are different, take what you can relate to and dismiss the rest).

From a young age, we’re prompted to associate happiness and ‘better things’ to the attainment of a future goal; to believe that we’ll be happy when we get into that school, graduate from that program, get that job, get married, become a parent, lose the weight, go on that trip, get that better job—and the list goes on.

And it’s true, achieving these definitely causes enormous joy, especially when we’ve worked so hard and waited so long for them. But these are the big things, the milestones.

What about the micro moments of joy happening every day? The ones sparked by the feelings of gratitude that arise when we stop and pay attention; when we’re living in the present moment.

I consider being mindful as one of the major factors to develop a journey filled with consistent contentment vs. looking forward to the next milestone and missing all that joy taking place in the meantime.

It’s both beautiful and necessary to have something to look forward to. Just remember to pay attention and to enjoy the life happening while you wait.

And on that note, may I remind you that life is what’s happening as I’m typing these words, and as you’re reading them? Life is what happens in between the cracks of the good, the bad, the thrilling, the heartbreaking.

It’s the joke you shared with your partner in the kitchen over a glass of wine, while making dinner. It’s realizing your kid is growing up from that conversation you had before putting them to bed. It’s playing board games with your family on a random Tuesday, or the candid conversations with your girlfriends at the world’s most rescheduled brunch date.

Living a fulfilling life starts with you. It starts with your perspective and perception of the highs and the lows. Then you adjust accordingly, sprinkling some gratitude here and there to manage feeling the feels when the living gets tough.

Your grass is at its greenest now. Here.

Lesson No. 3

LOOK TO BELONG, NOT (ONLY) TO FIT IN

Growing up and being the odd one out wasn’t anyone’s first choice. It happened by exclusion. And I did not want to be excluded, I wanted to fit in. As I shared in the first lesson, I wanted to be liked. I steered away from conflict, confrontation and any of their variations.

Even if I believe that self-approval is the one that counts the most, because it’s the hardest to get (in my experience) it’s only human to want, and need, some form of external validation.

From my point of view, and you are super welcome to disagree (look at me all promoting respectful confrontations), the difference between belonging and fitting in is how much of yourself you have to leave out. And that’s the thing—I don’t want to leave anything out (Ok, maybe I’ll leave some things out, but not those that make me…well, me).

So, let’s compare and contrast.

Belonging is where you fit in without any changes; being your most authentic self. Fitting in is when you are showing up wearing a different version of you, to appeal to a specific group. And you do this by way of hiding, removing or choosing not to disclose parts of your true self—included but not limited to ideas, lifestyle, and other forms of expression.

Let me paint a picture (as usual). Imagine you’re staring at a baby-blocks shape-sorter toy. You know, the kind where you have a circle, a star, a triangle and other shapes, with matching holes in said shapes. Got it? Amazing.

Fitting in is like trying to get the star shape to go into the circle-shaped hole. You’d need to make some trimming adjustments to the star block for it to get in. You’d have to change its original form. Belonging is like getting that same star into its star-shaped hole. It was meant to be there. It belongs.

Before putting on another version of yourself, why not assess your reasons for wanting to fit in…without belonging?

Reflecting on Your Life Lessons

If any of these resonate with you, I encourage you to write your own life lessons to your younger self (or to your future or existing kids). It can even be through a journaling prompt: “Three things I’m grateful to know now, that I wish I’d known sooner”, or “three learnings that changed my life”.

Self-awareness can be super powerful, and at times underrated. Tapping into your life learnings (because you are a wise soul) can help remind you where you started, and how far you’ve come.

Self-Love
Nov, 09, 2021

Restoring and Maintaining Balance with These 4 Pillars

Regardless of the different life scenarios any of us might be experiencing right now; it only takes a few minutes of Insta-scrolling to realize that many people (including myself) are struggling to find our own versions of balance.

And creating that type of harmonic stability—the mind, body and soul kind—depends on the mix of habits you’ve cultivated, the whereabouts of your attention, and the extent of your self-awareness.

Read along to find out how I manage to keep some balance when the juggling act that is life has me riding the unicycle and attempting to catch all balls mid-air. Inevitably something will fall. This is how I try to avoid that ‘something,’ to be me (keyword: try).

Paying Attention

It took me living at the edge of burnout to consciously choose change. Because no matter what anyone tells me, I believe change doesn’t happen unless you make it happen. Unless you need it to happen. Or, when you’re forced into it. For example, when life yells: “Plot Twist!”…and that’s that.

I was working over 12 hours a day, traveling—on average—once a month, I was losing my hair, and losing the regularity of my period while being on the pill, which was an alarming red flag (yes, pun intended). And for the first time in my career of almost ten years at that point, I dreaded going to work.

At this moment I realized something had to change. Since I didn’t know exactly what or how to start, I decided to pay attention to all the signs (and online ads) leading me to this thing called Health Coaching. Training to become a Health Coach, to be precise.

If you knew me, you’d know I’m a sucker for certifications—so, without thinking I’d ever put any of this to practice on other people—I enrolled in the one-year program. I read the reviews, checked out the curriculum, and devoured the success stories of people who were living a kind of life I never knew existed.

On one hand, I didn’t picture myself setting up a health coaching practice and leaving behind the blessed corporate path I was clearly meant for (let’s take a moment to appreciate the sarcastic tone). On the other one, this program seemed promising enough to get me started in prioritizing my overall well-being. And, bonus! I’d end up with another diploma for the collection.

Understanding Primary Foods

If I had to sum up my experience in four words, I’d say: Health Coaching healed me.

I credit this training for awakening my self-awareness and for giving me the tools (and inner motivation) to find my way to wellness—mind, body and soul.

Early in the program I learned about two key pillars rooted in the Health Coaching philosophy as taught by the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN)—the concepts of Primary Food and Secondary Food. To be honest, I thought primary foods meant macronutrients (you know, your carbs, proteins, fats) and secondary foods meant micronutrients (your vitamins and minerals). Maybe you’re thinking that too, which is absolutely fine. In this context, secondary foods refer to all that with which we nourish our bodies. And primary foods refer to everything that feeds our soul.

Today, I’m rolling out the red carpet for Primary Foods.

As usual, let me grab my imaginary brush and paint you a picture: Imagine you know someone who eats kale by the pound, who has a mix of blood and green juice running through her veins, and who never misses a HIIT class. In fact, if you Google “healthy person”, her picture shows up.

However, what you see on the outside doesn’t match the inside. She feels miserable most of the time, is a human magnet for toxic relationships and deeply dislikes her job. And with stress keeping her up at night, her mind is foggy and scattered. She’s at that unfortunate place where the negative self-talk is loud and the self-compassion is low.

Turning to Self-Awareness

Nurturing the soul is just as important as feeding the body (fingers crossed you’re thinking to yourself: “Yas it is!”). Primary foods can look different for everyone, and can entail the likes of: creativity, personal finance, career, continuing education, physical activity, relationships, social life, joy, spirituality, rest & recovery, and so on. This said, and dismissing the obvious—one size fits none. You might consider other areas that are key to your life which aren’t listed here, or maybe you relate to all of the above.

When discussing primary foods and their impact in an individual’s overall wellbeing, there are four priority pillars to keep in mind. I tend to prioritize these, and then I move on to other areas I need to take care of. Think of them as paintings on the wall of a hallway you walk by every day. It’s only when you stop and stare that you realize one of them is crooked and needs some straightening up.

RELATIONSHIPS
Life is based on the relationships that we keep; with our loved ones (our partner, family, friends), with our work besties (colleagues, leaders, clients) and the most important one: the relationship you keep with yourself. Take some time to evaluate which relationships are nurturing, which are not, and which require extra attention or even a few boundaries.
CAREER AND WORK
Generally speaking, we spend half of our lives, or more, working. If we love what we do, be it as entrepreneurs, or being part of a company that inspires us, and where we do meaningful work that fills our lives with purpose—amazing! We’re all set. But what if that’s not the case? If we don’t find a way to love what we’re currently doing, and to motivate ourselves to do it every day until we find our ‘dream job’ or change careers, how do you think this would feel? Turn off the autopilot and try to explore if there’s any part of your work that’s causing an increased discomfort threatening to disrupt your version of balance.
MOVEMENT AND PHYSICAL ACTIVITY
Considering the myriad of research-backed benefits attributed to physical activity, and movement in general, it makes sense (to me, at least) that this is one of the four priority pillars attributed to Primary Foods. Think about it: do you notice the difference in your mood, your mind and your energy before and after your yoga practice or spinning class, or HIIT workout? I do—and it’s remarkable. How often are you moving lately? In my experience, even a five-minute walk outside helps clear my mind and add some perspective. Especially when I’ve been glued to my desk for hours. Currently, movement holds an exceptional place in my self-care toolbox.
SPIRITUALITY
Spirituality can be perceived differently by everyone. It can be special and deeply personal, or it can be awkward or distant depending on the person. For some folks, spirituality is the connection they feel with themselves. For others, it’s more connected to their faith, or it’s going to church or to the temple they consider sacred according to their beliefs. And for others, it can be meditation, prayer, mindful breath and so on. For me, it’s a mix of the above. When I lose the connection with myself, I start to live on autopilot—so, I turn to meditation. When I start making decisions out of fear, I know it’s time to fortify my faith. And when I’m feeling all over the place I turn to mindful breath, and so on.

Identifying What Works for You

I encourage you to explore what feeds your soul.

To find your own version of balance by keeping these four pillars in check; to ask yourself the hard questions and to pay attention to other areas of your life you consider fundamental for your integrated health.

Being mindful of how you feel when these are out of balance—and deciding to take (positive) action to restore the equilibrium—has the potential to change. your. life.

Emotional Health
Oct, 13, 2021

How To Get Unstuck Emotionally And Mentally

This period of time in history is full of challenges for all of humanity. The landscape of the world as we know it has been turned on its head sideways, and as we begin to peer out from this altered perspective, we immediately see with visual acuity all that we need to change about ourselves, and about our environment.

So please be careful with one another. Be careful with yourself. There are extreme energy changes pulsing through the universe at every level and, of course, we are all part of the process and the collective growing pains. Remind yourself regularly—you are not being singled out and you are definitely not alone in all of this. Each of us holds a grain of sand in our very capable hands to once again rebuild Fantastica.

Explore Your Purpose

Old paradigms have shifted and shattered. Our Ivory Tower may have fallen. We sit quietly in the stillness just before the sunrise, like the phoenix listening to the wind blow. Laying in the smoldering ashes, crumble and rubble, just before taking flight again lighting up the dark, early morning sky. We remind ourselves that all is not for naught.

Due to our current and very intense surroundings, it can be incredibly challenging to maintain a positive attitude and a measure of faith, especially when we are in the midst of such difficulties. In our evolution, we tend to think that if the universe loves us we will experience that love in the form of continuous positive circumstances. One, right after the other. When in actuality, we continue to evolve into higher states of awareness of our true capacity and potential.

Like a child, the universe is gentle and lovingly coercing us to choose more for ourselves while we are here, reminding us of our soul contracts with others, and to be better versions of ourselves always. The universe is our wise mother who knows what our soul needs in order to thrive, better than we could possibly imagine for ourselves in this lifetime. The universe knows why we came, and assists us to remember too.

Just as a young child does not benefit from getting everything she wants immediately, we also benefit from times of constriction and difficulty to help us grow and learn. If we keep this in mind, and continue to trust that we are loved and guided even when things are hard, it helps us bear the difficult time with grace.

If we continue to meditate and keep our connection with our angels, ancestors, and galactic guides of light, you’ll know they are directing and guiding us every step of the way. To receive their guidance, direction or information, we need to check in and ask for what we need. Through our meditation, we continue to keep our connection without getting lost in the struggle of this third dimensional reality.

Let Go Of The Past

It also helps if we remember that life is one phase after another and that these difficult times will inevitably give way to something new and different. When we feel overwhelmed we can comfort ourselves with the wise saying: This too shall pass.

At the same time, if you truly feel that nothing is going right for you, it’s never a bad idea to examine your life and see if there are some immediate changes you can make to alleviate some of the difficulty that stands in your way every day. How could things become simpler? What are you still gripping onto that needs to fall away? How could you relieve your frustrations and help alleviate your pains? What are you resisting, and willing to give up for such freedom?

It’s important to take stock of what is going on and find out if there is something we are doing or not doing that is keeping us stuck. Sometimes the situation is out of our control, and we need to look within to find the patience required to wait with equanimity until things move forward again. Many times, though, we can find the source of our stagnation in our own hearts and minds. Sometimes we are clinging to old ideas about reality and we need to make adjustments that will bring us back in tune with life, so we can flow again. Sometimes we find that fear of change is what’s keeping us stuck, and we can resolve to find ways of facing that fear.

Gently and compassionately explore the areas which give you the most trouble. May this intentionality reveal things that you have been holding onto and need to release, such as: unprocessed emotions, unresolved transitions, or negative ways of looking at yourself or your reality.

If introspection does not provide the answers you need, it can sometimes be helpful to ask those around you if they notice anything obvious that you might not be able to see. Remember to ask someone whom you can trust to be kind and sensitive as well as honest. Try to let go of your resistance because whenever there is something we can’t see ourselves, it’s because we don’t want to see it. Try to listen with an open mind, and remember that you are always the final judge of what you need. Anything offered to us from an outside source will need to be processed and integrated before its wisdom can take hold.

As you begin to take responsibility for the things you can change, and choose differently, you begin to create a paradigm shift in your life. Open your hands and your heart and begin asking and reaching for the things you really want. You will more easily surrender to things you cannot change, remembering all the while that this phase will, without doubt, give way to another transition of time. Keep in perspective that you may be at the bottom of the ferris wheel right now, but you will eventually roll up to the top, with that gorgeous and amazing view you’ve been working so hard towards, spilled out before you. Don’t give up until you do.

Change Your Perspective

In order to move forward and make progress towards your most abundant life, you have to get out of your own way and allow yourself to let it happen.

The first step in allowing yourself to thrive is releasing yourself from the feeling of being stuck. When you feel stuck, you hurt your chances of succeeding by mentally stopping yourself from taking the steps towards progress.

And since the feeling of stuckness is so ingrained in your thinking, you may not even know that you are your own reason for not making progress. This causes resentment towards other parts of your life, and growing resentment towards yourself and the thing you’re trying to achieve

Start With Small Changes

It shouldn’t be a surprise to you that this is a common problem with most people. When we feel stuck, it can be helpful to let go of our resistance to the change that wants to come forth. You may be committing self-sabotage, fear-led decisions, and taking actions to simply survive and not thrive without even knowing it.

In all this, be kind to yourself and remember that we all get stuck sometimes. Think of it as a part of your process, a necessary step on your journey, rather than as a problem that shouldn’t be happening. This can help to keep your frustration at bay and give you the space you need to take a deep breath and really figure out what’s going on.

So many of the people I see in my practice get “stuck” at some point…stuck in a pattern, a habit, a coping mechanism that isn’t helping them, in a routine, in an unhappy relationship, in a place, in a job they dislike, in a way of thinking, etc. In fact, everyone gets “stuck” in something at some point in life. It can be during a transitional phase or during a time when we are feeling emotionally low or more isolated than usual. It is digging out of the hole we created for ourselves and getting “unstuck” that is the challenge for people when this occurs. Why can it be so difficult to make new, positive changes stick when we are in a rut?

Effective Change Takes Time

One conflict is time. It takes time to allow for or to create change. In order to have the discipline, patience, and focus, as we start on a path towards positive change, it takes more time than we might be used to in this age of immediate gratification and lightning fast technology. We have to learn to slow down a bit and make the time we need to in a realistic way for the necessary changes to happen in our lives. We must not be discouraged if our progress is steady, but at more of a snail’s pace than we’d hoped.

Stop Perpetuating The Blame

Another issue I frequently observe is that many people don’t feel truly worthy of positive and healthy changes in their lives. They hold grudges against and judge themselves, thinking that they must continue to struggle and suffer as a sort of “penance” for the prior mistakes they have made in their lives, as if they are not deserving of happiness. The reality is everyone deserves to be healthy and happy. Everyone is worthy of self-love and love from others. We must learn to accept ourselves, flaws and all, to stop judging ourselves and running negative “tapes” in our heads, and to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. This is the truest way to be healthier, happier, and more fulfilled in our lives permanently.

Take Breaks When Necessary

Another thing that seems to sabotage a lot of people’s progress is that they set their goals way too high all at once in the beginning and/or lose patience at the amount of progress they are making slowly over time with such aggressive goals. When, in reality, we have to understand that making small steps in progress toward our overall goal a little bit at a time. It is also important to be “real” with ourselves and set goals we know we will be committed to and will be able to attain, even if it means asking for additional help and support, or taking more time if we need it. We can’t expect everything to go our way or to happen overnight. So, hoping for the best, while simultaneously being prepared for challenges that we may need to face, and also being patient and gentle with ourselves, is a great way to approach any type of change.

Be Patient With Your Progress

Some people are ashamed when they don’t make the immediate progress that they hoped to achieve, and so they begin to lie or gloss over the truth, with themselves or others, which means they reach a dangerous place of living in denial. This form of escape can actually set you back further away from your intended goals, create more problems that you will need to deal with later anyway, and cause new, unhealthy habits you didn’t ever expect to occur. Honesty with yourself and others is the best policy when approaching change. It may be difficult to be honest at first, as the truth can hurt or be scary. But, in the long run, honesty makes everything so much easier and simpler, especially when you are also willing to take responsibility for and own the negative or unhealthy thoughts and behaviors you created in your life.

Dig Emotionally Deep

Stop playing the role of victim and look at what you have done to create and live in your own situation. Sure, other people may also be accountable on some level. But, if you have chosen to continue to hide from or escape the truth of what part you have played in your current situation, you have hurt yourself and may even be enabling the negative/unhealthy habits of those around you.

Focus On Your Own Changes

Remember, you unfortunately can’t change anyone else or force someone to change out of unhealthy thought patterns or behaviors against his or her will. Just like you, everyone else only makes healthy changes when fully ready to do so. We can’t nag or control/manipulate anyone else into thinking or processing the way that we do or into treating himself/herself better. Just because you are making these transformations for the better in your own life, don’t expect everyone else to do so. It is a bonus if your efforts and progress inspire someone else. But, we can’t force change on anyone. So, we must accept and love others as they are, respecting their choices, while simultaneously honoring ourselves and our own needs.

You may want to ask yourself some important questions both before you begin to make healthy changes in your life. Here are a few to get you thinking and working things out mentally and emotionally before you take action:

Why do I want to change? Am I doing this for myself, others or both?
What might be the long term benefits of these changes? How about the short term benefits?
Will this make my life healthier and happier?
Who can I turn to when I need support while I am making these changes?
If I get scared/uncomfortable or if old feelings/habits sneak up when positive changes start to happen in my life, what will I use as a strategy to cope with these feelings/actions in a healthier way than I used to? (In other words, come up with a healthy habit here to replace an old, unhealthy habit.)
What strengths do I already have that I can rely on while I am making these changes? What are the things I already like or love about myself?
If I start to feel unworthy or judgemental of myself during this process, what can I do or tell myself to help stop it before it sabotages my progress towards happiness?
Do I have any role models/mentors that I can aspire to and learn from who have made these types of changes in their own lives? What can those people teach me?
What is a reasonable and realistic time frame for me to reach my first small goal in these changes?
How can I reward myself (not with food or alcohol/drugs/tobacco, etc….but with something healthy that encourages the good habit to continue) when I reach my first small goal?
How much time can I realistically spend on these changes every day?
What are some of the things, like thought patterns, behaviors, people, situations, etc., that I need to let go of in order to help these positive changes happen?

Change usually takes time. Just to change and replace one unhealthy habit into a new, healthy habit, can take over a month of effort of repetition before it sticks with you. Don’t get discouraged…and if you do, make sure you created a back-up plan for yourself, so you don’t slide back into those old habits and patterns on a bad day.

The more positive support and encouragement you have with yourself through this process, the more successful you will become. It can also help to speak with a trusted friend, therapist or healer, or even find a support group to help you through the transition and fear that often accompanies big change. A support system can help you to succeed and reach your goals, even when there are bumps in the road along the way.

Being emotionally unstuck comes down to taking action and holding yourself more responsible for what you do. Take all the time you need to get unstuck. This is all part of your journey for more soul expansion, growth and freedom.

Emotional Health
Sep, 21, 2021

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